update ... may be TMI
Saturday, February 03, 2018
I'm slowly starting to feel better. I've been fighting a cold since I've been home in addition to this depression. But the past two days I'm starting to see how it might be possible to fight my way back to health.
I've finally opened up and told a few people just how ugly and black it's been getting. Ok, not completely told them everything. But told them enough to understand I'm suicidal again. Yes, I use that word. It is reality. I have also told them I'm not sure I want to fight my way back to health. Fortunately those who actually heard me, understand. They are not freaking out. They are not yelling at me what they think I need to do. Instead, they are simply reminding me they are there. They are checking in with me. My mom has stated she wishes I'd find my desire to fight back soon, but she knows until I find it there's nothing anyone can do.
But I think I'm starting to find it. It took a long time, but I think I'm getting there. wish me luck.