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update ... may be TMI

Saturday, February 03, 2018

I'm slowly starting to feel better. I've been fighting a cold since I've been home in addition to this depression. But the past two days I'm starting to see how it might be possible to fight my way back to health.

I've finally opened up and told a few people just how ugly and black it's been getting. Ok, not completely told them everything. But told them enough to understand I'm suicidal again. Yes, I use that word. It is reality. I have also told them I'm not sure I want to fight my way back to health. Fortunately those who actually heard me, understand. They are not freaking out. They are not yelling at me what they think I need to do. Instead, they are simply reminding me they are there. They are checking in with me. My mom has stated she wishes I'd find my desire to fight back soon, but she knows until I find it there's nothing anyone can do.

But I think I'm starting to find it. It took a long time, but I think I'm getting there. wish me luck.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I too have been where you are at and the only thing I held on to was who would care for my children, it got me mad enough to fight back. hold on to what will get you though and please know there are people who care.
    1192 days ago
    I struggle withe the dark as well. It feels good to open up to someone and not be judged instantly by your honest words. Everyday is a battle but your life and health are the war. Hugs to you.
    1193 days ago
    Please take care of yourself, if you would like an anonymous shoulder and ear please e-mail.
    1193 days ago
  • no profile photo ROXANNEWILSON7
    You need to let Jesus into your life.This life is very brief along with all the suffering, but life with Jesus is eternal. Someone who cares.
    1193 days ago
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