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Respecting My Body

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

I'm working through the last three chapters of Intuitive Eating and the Intuitive Eating workbook right now and an important one for me is learning to respect my body. Lately I've been feeling a sense of low self esteem because I'm back to being a size 3XL/22W, back where I was when I joined Sparkpeople. I had this feeling like I was never going to stop gaining weight and just keep on going up the scale until even 5XL was too small for me and there were no catalogues that sold clothes that would fit me!! But then I thought about what life would be like if I gave up the negative views about my body and the notion of attempting to change it. What would the freedom from worries about my body feel like? What new changes could take place in my life? Giving up all those negative views about my body would allow me to just be ME, without all those added stressors, and I could more fully develop a sane healthy normal relationship with food again and continue to reduce the symptoms of BED. I would be free to stop worrying about my size, and just accept my body the way it is right now, and focus on my mental health, and my current relationship with food. Having a normal relationship with food would allow my body to then settle at the weight that it is genetically meant to be at. I am now starting to develop some trust in my body and respect for myself as a 3XL woman and just trust that as I develop a healthy normal food relationship with my body, my body will eventually iron itself out. The intuitive eating process takes time and I am making significant progress, which I am proud of. I am so happy with the direction my eating is going in. I am not having cravings any more and making food decisions is so much easier. I don't feel like food controls me anymore and I also don't feel all that societal pressure to eat a certain way. I used to feel like I had to restrict when I was eating with other people and sometimes it was hard for me to eat anything at all!! Now I know I can eat. Intuitive Eating has completely changed my life!! I'm so grateful for Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch's book/workbook--without it I would still be trapped in binge eating disorder!! As far as losing weight goes, I can't predict at all what will happen with my weight. My ultimate goal is to eat normally and healthfully and have a positive relationship with my body and weight loss is really on the back burner. Although I suspect I will make more progress with healthful eating once I get through the last chapter in the workbook: the nutrition chapter. I have also purchased a workbook on emotional eating that I intend to do next to help me more with those issues. An important step forward for me is just respecting my body, stop trying to change my body, and work on giving up the scale.
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