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I made a choice

Monday, September 25, 2017

I'm trying to do this without logging into spark every day. Not because I don't love spark, but because I need moderation in my life. Moderation in sweets, in exercise, in my attitude. It's not all or nothing. But for years, my brain does that. I had one cookie, why not 4? Or 12? Or the entire box? I have a hard time with moderation. Clearly. I've been able to mostly stay away from a major gain, but I have gained. As I try to lose, I think I've finally gotten my head around a few things. I need to eat right. I can have some occasionally years, but they did need to be limited, for the rest of my life. Special occasions are fine, special treats, but not daily (that doesn't work for me) and enjoying those treat days doesn't give me permission to eat way too much, just a treat. I'm really learning this on my own. I've tracked my food a lot, but I do need to rely mostly on me and etc. First, I've started a new job. I love it. I Have an hour for lunch and work where I can walk during my lunch. I walk for about 20 minutes (this isn't brisk, just movement) eat, and then walk back. It helps me feel good. However, it's further from home and on days where I have to pick up my kiddo from my mom's, (who moved further away from my home) I'm not home until much later when I can not push a workout off until evening. It won't work. So, I prefer morning workouts anyway, I just have to make sure I'm doing it right. However, my kid was sick last week. I had to make some changes. And the week before some things came up. I wasn't able to workout as hard as I'd like, and one day I completely missed one workout. But it was okay. The world didn't end, I still felt good, and I still lost weight. I'm drawing to realize that pushing myself is what I enjoy, but a walk for my workout can be as okay as an insanity workout. No, they aren't the same. But it is okay to not push yourself as hard as you go every day. Where I realized I've finally started making the right vices for me was yesterday morning. Saturday was the final bachelorette party for my best friend. The wedding is in a little over 2 weeks, and we've done so much in this. Saturday, we went wine tasting. I'm not a big drinker, but the first winery had a flight so I could sample a lot. I got that and a decent menu choice. There weren't a lot of options. There was also a ton of chocolates around. I ate some. I ate the healthier ones, but I still ate it. Usually earring as much of the "treats" as I did can derail me. I was trying so hard not to let it. Then I realized, "This is up to me." You see, the next morning, I wanted more junk food and my brain was seeking out any excuse to have it. Did my kid want pancakes for breakfast? I could eat that and skip my workout... those were my thoughts. Instead, I made her breakfast, ate my delicious, healthy breakfast, started my chores and my workout, and even stayed on my plan. Because the only thing that controls what I eat, is me. It's time I stopped letting food have the control. I'm stronger than that. So I made a choice. I choose me.
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