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July 22, 2017

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Update on foot and on Emma.

I went to the doctor again on the 20th. The big toe is not hitting the ground when I stand or walk and the joint is in a great deal of pain. The doctor gave me a splint for the toe so that i pulls it down in line with the other toes and assigned me some physical therapy exercises. If I do not do them diligently enough I will be required to go to an actual physical therapist who will have no mercy on me. Therefore, I will do them until I want to scream! LOL! If the joint is still not healing by December, I will require a surgery to replace the joint with an imitation one. I pray that that does not happen. I will worry about it when the time comes.

The update on Emma (the niece of my DD's husband that they had taken in) is a little sad but as always I believe it is God's will. This all happened in a certain order so I'll tell it in that order. I don't know how other states are, I only know this state's rules. In order to take in a foster child you must follow a list of seemingly endless rules. Some of those rules require you to take the foster child to many, many appointments and meetings. In the first three weeks there were 6 such meetings plus home visits. My DD's employer told her that if she missed any more work, she would be out of a job. Social services was not understanding. They want those appointments kept no matter what. Then they told DD and her hubby that in order to get any financial assistance they would have to take 6 days of certification classes. Time neither of them can miss from work. So all this is going on and DD and her hubby are trying to figure out how on earth to work this all out because Emma will be a foster child for at least 2 years.

Then Emma figures out that social services does not allow foster children to be disciplined. You may send them to time out but if they don't listen you can't do anything about it. There is a whole section in the rules about what you cannot do/say to a foster child. She has begun beating up the 2 1/2 year old and punching the other 6 year old. This violence is increasing on a daily basis. DD is at her wit's end as to what to do. She told the case worker that Emma needs to be moved into another environment. Preferably with at least one parent who is a stay at home parent so that they have time to go to all these appointments.

This of course was tearing up our whole family's hearts. As often happens in these situations, God intervened. The final pre-trial hearing was held on the 19th. The mother actually showed up and stated that she wants Emma out of DD and her husbands home this very minute. Well nothing works quite that fast but with both the foster family and the parent requesting removal from the current home, it will do a lot to move things along. We don't have a date and we might not find out until they show up to move her. I hope they give DD a bit of time to explain it to her as best she can.

Because of the mother's wishes, none of us will be able to be a part of Emma's life any longer. While sad, if Emma's mother does not get herself together and Emma ends up adopted into a family, it might just be the best thing for her.

Now we have to concentrate on healing all the wounds left in the hearts of her two little cousins. Not to mention the wounds in DD and her hubby's hearts. This will take some time.

None of these things have been easy to deal with and I have been using my energy trying to support DD who seems to be the most affected emotionally by all of this. I admit that I had to take some anti anxiety medication for 4 days there and was not on the top of my game. Today it is all wearing off and I am ever so glad. I am grateful it's there when I need it but when I have gotten through the hard part, I can't wait for it to be all out of my system!

On the upside I am getting my brave on and I'm going to invite my grandson over to spend the night! I figure he could use some one on one time with grandma and pa. Mostly grandma though as pa goes to bed awfully early! Granddaughter will have to wait until she is older though and not quite so attached to momma! I have a feeling we'd be doing a call at midnight to "come and get her!"

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear all this... I don't know what to say except I will pray for you and your family.
    1374 days ago
    Oh dear, I'm reading your blogs about Emma in the order you wrote them, and this is disheartening after reading your hopeful blog of July 5th. However, it's not surprising, considering the unstable situation Emma came from and all the issues that must have raised in her heart and mind. I'm so sorry you and your family had to suffer through this turbulence, but you still seem to have a very positive attitude about it, hoping for the best for Emma while carefully weighing the needs of your grandchildren to heal from what must have been a traumatic experience for them and for the people closest to them. Life presents all sorts of challenges, and I guess we learn from whatever happens. Your love for God and your family is so clear--this will sustain you and let you triumph over whatever comes your way.
    1376 days ago
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    1376 days ago
  • PUGLOVER1999
    Hello Jeanne! You must think I have forgotten you and SP, but NO ... I have been very preoccupied with our move as well as a whole bunch of other things that have been happening to and with our friends (mostly funerals and major surgeries).

    I am so proud of your DD for all the efforts she has made to help Emma! Emma is in a tragic situation and I feel sorry for her. We have had some (sort of) similar problems, and what is going to happen to the child is very sad, but there is only so much that is humanly possible to do to help. I hope for the best for her ... which will be some parents who trust God, in my opinion.

    I am sorry for the delay in your foot's healing, but glad you know what the problem is and have a tentative date for fixing it, if the exercised don't work. Do that physical therapy, Friend!

    Wish I could write more, but I am very time-pressured! Will send you my new address privately.

    Hang in there and keep that BRAVE on! Also, I am proud of you for maintaining your weight. STABLE is GOOD, especially with so many other challenges to deal with!

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    1380 days ago
    Many emoticon and best wishes for you to emoticon , big toe and all!
    1386 days ago
    Dear Jeanne,

    I am sorry to hear about your toe, an artificial toe doesn't sound great if things don't improve. I like you do not need/want anymore pain. I am hoping with the bracing and the home therapy it will improve drastically in the next few months..

    love, Paula~
    1386 days ago
    HI Jeanne,

    I am just getting around to this blog Today was the last day I had my twin nephew and niece until next Summer.

    While very sad and little ones that may not fully understand. The circumstance may be different in a varying degree. . I feel that I have to speak from experience that it "might" be the best thing in the long run for you DD family. You know we took Jeremy in just barely before his 4th bday. Then got him permanently 2 months after his 4th birthday 12 years ago to be exact.. and his mamma used drugs so did my his bio dad ( my brother) and Jeremy was affected by it still even though he was removed when 3 years and 10 months old. My other 2 kids were adults so while there was no physical abuse to them by Jeremy. There was/is a lot of anger and acting out that has had negative effects on the family. While this was something we wanted very much to do for him. We have regretted the decision the past 3 years and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it now as we legally adopted him years ago. We started him in therapy when he was just 5 and have pretty much maintained that as well as placed him in 2 stints for anger management and behavior issues. They just keep telling us we don't do enough for him and that the chores he has ( taking out 3 little garbage cans every morning, feeding and watering his cat and putting out the trash on trash day once a week) is too hard. Bolognaey (sp) his is going to be 16 in about 2 weeks. His friend have more chores than he does. But they say this in front of him as well as he shouldn't be grounded for more than I day or 2 because he doesn't fully understand it. He does too he has become quite the manipulator of everyone mostly females. As men most often catch on to the games he plays.

    He started skipping classes at the end of the term this past school year.Why? Because we took away his BB standard for a very drastic drop in grades because he sees no reason to do the school work since they will not pick him for the BB team. He went from a 3.5 to a 2.2 GPA in just about 3 weeks. As long as things are going his way then he is willing to do things If not he won't do anything but cause upheaval in the family. Mostly just taking away precious time away from the other 2 adult/kids that still live at home to do physical disabilities that indeed have respect and consideration for others. He has none and he was brought up being treated equally and with respect, compassion and understanding to those first 3+ years and the anger/rage attacks he witnessed primarily from my brother. He was never physically abused before he came to live with us or after either. But his bio-dad's rages were very real and scary.

    I am not saying that you DD niece? would grow up like this at all but there is a huge risk factor to take when there are other kids in the home that if I would of had the slightest inkling we would of re-though it out better before jumping in with both feet.

    Now in all honesty we have exactly 24 months and 9 days until he turns 18 and we no longer owe him anything. We have given his every possible thing we can both physically and emotionally. We are just exhausted and drained to where we can barely think emotionally for the other kid's physical needs.

    I hope this might give a different perspective on things.

    I will keep you,hubby and DD family in my prayers as this is definitely not an easy thing..

    Take Care my friend.

    1386 days ago
    I'm so sorry your family has had such an upheaval. Your DD sounds like a woman with an enormous heart.
    I'm glad she has a caring mother and that her two little ones have a loving grandmother.

    many hugs to you.
    1387 days ago
    Sending hugs your way!!!
    1388 days ago
    So sad for everyone - hope Emma finds a place that can accommodate her needs. Prayers to you and your family.
    1390 days ago
  • CGEM61
    Oh, wow!,,
    Hugs and more hugs for all of you! Somehow, it will be worked out. I'm praying for the repair of your hearts and a good resolved situation for everyone. What a brave family! emoticon
    1390 days ago
    Such a heart breaking situation. Thinking of you all. emoticon
    1390 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your pain and the situation with Emma. I hope that she is adopted by someone who will take care of her needs. When things in their lives get messed up like that, they don't know how to react. My brother's oldest had (and probably still has) some behavior issues based on his unstable life in the first year, and he's almost 6 now. It got better with time, but it's still confusing to them. emoticon all around!
    1391 days ago
    I LOVE YOU hang in there my dear friend!! emoticon
    1392 days ago
    Hugs and prayers to you and your entire family.
    1392 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Praying for you and your family. emoticon
    1392 days ago
    Hi Jeanne,

    You do have a lot going on in your family. My heart and prayers go out for help with all the healing!

    1392 days ago
    So glad God is in charge and that you are a prayig family. So many now praying for His best for Emma and all concerned. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. emoticon
    1392 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear all this. I hope Emma ends up somewhere where she can get the attention she needs. Your DD and SIL did all they could. I know they are heartbroken. :(
    1393 days ago
  • KURTZIE1998
    I am sorry things didn't work out with Emma and your DD family, prayers going to you all. I know foster care needs to have guidelines, but they need to be sensitive to the whole situation. It is difficult when you cannot discipline a child, I don't mean you beat the child but they do also need guidelines and believe me when they find you can't or are limited on what you can do they take full advantage. Hugs
    1393 days ago
    ((((Hugs)))) and prayers!
    1393 days ago
    Prayers for you and your family. It is sad about Emma but she needs care and attention that your DD and her husband cannot provide with both of them working. Their children must come first. Emma has many issues that need to be addressed by specially trained counselors. I hope she will get the help she needs. I hope your grand children will be OK. They have had a lot of drama in their young life. The good thing is they are young and usually bounce back pretty well. Just give them lots of love and attention.
    Your toe, girl you have really had the problems with that surgery. I hope the therapy and brace help. Hugs Pat
    1393 days ago
    1393 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5241267
    Oh my Jeanne. My heart goes out to your family. I cannot imagine what this is doing to everyone involved. You have my thoughts and prayers daily as it is, I'll just up the anty. Take care my friend. Bless your heart and all involved. The good thing is God knows exactly what he's doing. emoticon
    1393 days ago
    Jeanne, this is such a difficult situation, but I know you and your family will get through it. emoticon
    1393 days ago
    Hugs and prayers for your entire family. It is an emotionally wrenching situation. **SIGH** blessings.
    1393 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Such a difficult situation. It is sounding like it is all working towards the best though.
    1393 days ago
    Wow, this sounds emotionally draining! Take care of yourself.
    1393 days ago
    Oh how my heart crys for you sweet friend and your whole family.
    Enjoy your sleep over with the grandson and get lots of things to keep him entertained 😁 Hugs.....
    1393 days ago
    Oh my dear friend my heart bleeds for you and DD .Emma's case is heartbreaking but DD's children must come first .She gave her best to Emma and Emma was one damaged little girl at her young age who your daughter rightfully assessed needed some one on one care from a stay at home Mother.How kind of you to take your Grandson and cheer him up.Children become attached to other children and know they are family and will put up with a lot from a hurt child.I of course know about physio ,I am worried about that toe .Perhaps you can send me your phone number I have a plan that I can call the US and when things are a bit tamer at home we can talk about your toe!
    1393 days ago
    Oh my goodness Jeanne. When it rains it pours ...... This is a pretty incredible mountain of legalities and sadness mixed with drama. And then your foot too. Hubby is asleep but we will 'get on' this early in the morning to pray for you and the matter. Until then, try to rest .... Bless your heart....... emoticon
    1393 days ago
  • KAREN608
    Seems like everything is very complicated. Hope your toe responds well to your exercises. Prayed for you all.
    1393 days ago
    So much going on in your life my friend. I am sending prayers and hugs to you and to your family. Not an easy situation. Praying for a happy outcome for Emma, and healing for your daughter and her family.
    1393 days ago
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