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Friday, June 09, 2017

Good shoes are important to working out. So, too, is underwear that fits. No one wants to walk for miles with a wedgie.

It's shedding season. Therefore, no matter how much I sweep, it frequently looks like it's snowing at my place. A lint roller is rapidly becoming a must.

God put dogs on this planet for companionship. He put cats here to remind us that we are never too important to look stupid.

Yes, I was that kid that liked to test the flammability warnings on various products. It's probably for the best that I'm related to several firefighters.

If someone keeps stealing your food at the office, leave a package of sandwich cookies that you've filled with ghost pepper flakes in the break room. You will be able to identify the culprit(s) by their yelling and cursing. And yes, I have done this.

Gallows humor may seem insensitive, but it's a vital tool for people that are routinely faced with the more grisly aspects of life, e.g. cops or hospital workers. Try not to be too shocked or angry when they giggle at some weird freaking stuff. Often, it's that, or they scream. Or drink. Laughter is far, far better.

My dog has eaten the following: 1 plastic pasta server, 1 laundry detergent pod, 2 wooden spatulas, countless candy wrappers discarded by neighborhood litterbugs, and at least 1 cigarette also courtesy of a litterbug. I guess I should be grateful that she hasn't gone for my shoes.
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