Oh boy. I feel very disconnected. Since my daughter's house fire, I have let her take my laptop - which leaves me with just my phone! It has been hard to spark! I must admit - I prefer to be on my computer than the app on the phone. So reality - I haven't been sparking much. I feel so disconnected from my teammates!
So what's going on? Well, the weight has basically stayed the same, up and down the same three pounds depending on the day. The diet has improved a little, but my schedule is still out of sorts as has my life. Treats have been flowing through out our office and I have been falling to more of them than I should.
Positive things - I did the annual Gazelle Girl event with my daughter and grandkids. Yes, they left me in their dust again this year - but I walked with a coworker. My knees were a mess and aching quite badly by the end of the 5k. I did not run one step of it. My time was dismal. 53.16. Yep, I had to order a size 2X shirt again this year and my goal of under 50 at 60 was not reached. When I saw the race day photos posted on the site, I did not like what I saw. No wonder my poor knees hurt! In our group photo, I was trying to hide behind the skinny person next to me. Ugh. See - I am turning the positive thing into a negative one. That is just where I am right now.
However I am catching myself at doing that. I am working on changing that. I am working on body acceptance. I am working on taking better care of myself.
I have started to journal my journey to a healthier me. It starts with this: "This is the journey of a 60 year old woman who has been overweight for the last 40 years and her journey to leave behind her old ways and change her life." I am tracking my food in my journal, my exercise - or lack of it, my struggles and solutions, my mood, my rest, my challenges. Each day I am listing 5 things I love about my body right now. I must say that has been a challenge! I can list 5 things I hate about it without a thought. I am working hard on changing that. Perhaps if I love and appreciate my current body, I will take better care of it!
So I am going to end this blog with this: 5 things I am going to give my body credit for today:
1. My body got out of bed this morning (some people didn't).
2. My legs carried me up the stairs to my office (some have to take the elevator).
3. My lungs took in that fresh air outdoors and even though at times I may feel breathless - they continue to take in air! (I have a friend who has breathing difficulties and needs to have her oxygen canister with her).
4. I am able to walk.
5. My body always has more to give. Sometimes my mind says "slow down, take a break" but if I push through - my body has always been there to finish! So I am trying harder to listen to my body, not my mind!
Here are some pictures from the Gazelle Girl event. The goal for next year? Get her done at 61!
So as much as I would like to shame myself, guilt myself, hide in a corner - I have reasons to be grateful and proud of my not so perfect body!