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Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Oh boy. I feel very disconnected. Since my daughter's house fire, I have let her take my laptop - which leaves me with just my phone! It has been hard to spark! I must admit - I prefer to be on my computer than the app on the phone. So reality - I haven't been sparking much. I feel so disconnected from my teammates!

So what's going on? Well, the weight has basically stayed the same, up and down the same three pounds depending on the day. The diet has improved a little, but my schedule is still out of sorts as has my life. Treats have been flowing through out our office and I have been falling to more of them than I should.

Positive things - I did the annual Gazelle Girl event with my daughter and grandkids. Yes, they left me in their dust again this year - but I walked with a coworker. My knees were a mess and aching quite badly by the end of the 5k. I did not run one step of it. My time was dismal. 53.16. Yep, I had to order a size 2X shirt again this year and my goal of under 50 at 60 was not reached. When I saw the race day photos posted on the site, I did not like what I saw. No wonder my poor knees hurt! In our group photo, I was trying to hide behind the skinny person next to me. Ugh. See - I am turning the positive thing into a negative one. That is just where I am right now.

However I am catching myself at doing that. I am working on changing that. I am working on body acceptance. I am working on taking better care of myself.

I have started to journal my journey to a healthier me. It starts with this: "This is the journey of a 60 year old woman who has been overweight for the last 40 years and her journey to leave behind her old ways and change her life." I am tracking my food in my journal, my exercise - or lack of it, my struggles and solutions, my mood, my rest, my challenges. Each day I am listing 5 things I love about my body right now. I must say that has been a challenge! I can list 5 things I hate about it without a thought. I am working hard on changing that. Perhaps if I love and appreciate my current body, I will take better care of it!

So I am going to end this blog with this: 5 things I am going to give my body credit for today:

1. My body got out of bed this morning (some people didn't).
2. My legs carried me up the stairs to my office (some have to take the elevator).
3. My lungs took in that fresh air outdoors and even though at times I may feel breathless - they continue to take in air! (I have a friend who has breathing difficulties and needs to have her oxygen canister with her).
4. I am able to walk.
5. My body always has more to give. Sometimes my mind says "slow down, take a break" but if I push through - my body has always been there to finish! So I am trying harder to listen to my body, not my mind!

Here are some pictures from the Gazelle Girl event. The goal for next year? Get her done at 61!

So as much as I would like to shame myself, guilt myself, hide in a corner - I have reasons to be grateful and proud of my not so perfect body!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so feeling this right now. All the way down to the office goodies. I love your list. Sometimes we just need to count our blessings, and you identified some I don't think about.
    1511 days ago
    You are so generous to give up your computer. I know how hard it is to be without one.

    Your Motivational Members team mate


    1511 days ago
    you are awesome! loving family... loving friends... great accomplishments.... you go girl!!!!
    1512 days ago
    Honestly❗️Start being nice to yourself‼️When I first looked @ your pictures, I could not figure out which person was you❗️I thought ( from what I read in your blog) that you would stand out as the "fat one".AND no one in that picture Fit that description ‼️🙀🙀🙀 Love the body you are in. Be nice to you. Play nice.Read today's article--what you should not say to yourself. Take care of yourself first. You need a computer just as much as your daughter does. No excuses‼️👍🏼🙃
    1512 days ago
    That's wonderful that you're working to change the way that you talk and think about yourself and your body. The mental part of losing weight is definitely a challenge for me and working on positivity and gratitude is a way to get there. Thank you for the reminder. I'm going to try to do the same. Keep up the great work.
    1512 days ago
    I love your list of five. Keep making that list every single day! emoticon
    1512 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
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    1512 days ago
    1512 days ago
  • LSIG14
    emoticon emoticon I can't believe that you were down on yourself because of how you looked in a photo - the fact that you walked a 5K is so awesome to me. If I can walk for 15 minutes without stopping to rest it is counted as a blessing in my book. You've got a smile on your face and a certificate in your hand (and a lovely daughter and grandkids with you,) what more could you ask for?? Don't waste a minute on regrets or wishful thinking when you have so much to be proud of. Keep up the good work and in no time, you'll be the one who steps out in the front of the picture!! Hugs!!
    1512 days ago
    Hugs and prayers.
    1512 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    Whenever we feel like getting down on ourselves, all we need to due is bring to mind how many people are worse off than you---that should make one feel so grateful for what we can do that others can't do. We just need to keep trying to do better, and grateful also for our good days we do have.
    1512 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    I think you look pretty darn awesome and I think you did just as great with your time. One step at a time. Just keep on doing your best!
    1512 days ago
  • BLUEJAY1969
    It all starts with loving yourself the way you are right now! Get that down pat and the rest will fall into line a whole lot easier. When you resent someone and they know it - are they likely to be nice to you, cooperate? NO! Same thing with your mind/body connection. I had to love me just as I was/am/will be to get started on this healthy lifestyle. You are going in exactly the right direction by appreciating what your body can and will do for you! Now just think of how you would talk to a friend and begin talking to yourself the same way! You can SO do this!!

    By the way you can pick up a Chrome Book fairly inexpensively and it would get you back online. I think I paid 167 for my new one a few months ago.
    1512 days ago
  • BERRY4
    Keep focusing on doing things for the "health" of it and you will get there! -- Sounds like you are making great steps in the right direction!
    1513 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13423552
    Been wondering where you've been! Sorry to hear about our daughter's house fire, hope everyone is OK! Yes, we all have a lot to be grateful for! Yesterday I took my Mom to the dentist and the office is on the second floor. My Mom is 84 and has COPD and she said "let's take the stairs!" I said sure! So we took the stairs. So as long as we can keep getting it done, we should and be grateful all along the way!
    1513 days ago
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