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Reality Check

Saturday, April 08, 2017

it's been awhile since I wrote much of anything - I haven't been doing well with my food, in fact I've been drinking Coca-Cola again which is an old college years habit - might as well be the other "coke" as I am very addicted to it (hate diet drinks). My eating has been pretty good but drinking all that sugar is just not good for my health and also means I am drinking even less water than usual.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and smoker with 22 yrs clean- the only thing I know about moderation is how to spell it. Haha, humor is important too. Seriously, though, I grew up in an alcoholic household and there is all sorts of abuse in my baggage... thank God I have had a good solid 10 years of intensive therapy around all that and then periods of counseling ever since that have been immensely valuable to my healing and acceptance of myself, gaining some freedom from the past... Belinda, I know it's incredibly tough work, but for me therapy changed my inner life and awareness so much for the better, it is worth every tear and ... yeh, every penny as well.

I have started working with an attorney who specializes in elder law, estate planning and asset prrotection. My wife and I don't have much but she does own our condo, it's paid for. Because I require daily aid assistance to help with my bandaging Andrew other leg care, i need to get on Medicaid because I can't continue the way I have been. the attorney will help with all that, but it is also very focused on planning options for whatever change comes next - one of us needing a higher level of care or one of us needing to go on alone...

We have been so very blessed to find one another and have shared nearly 22 yrs together, and with her early Alzheimer's and advanced years and my health issues, future planning is critical and not simple. And no small matter for me to be needing to focus so much thought and attention to life without her in it. Nor thinking about her "kids" who do not understand or support our relationship and will be likely to descend upon the house and our possessions like locusts if everything isn't t clearly in Blk & white. Anyway, my family all supports and loves us as we are, and also have many good friends, and I know when the time comes, I will not be facing all that alone. Thank God.

My goal for today was getting my butt here and sharing what's been going on with me. I got up after a few hours sleep, came here and read everyone's posts and no longer feel alone. We're all going through stresses and roller coaster times, the details vary but life I'd filled with o many changes! My second goal for the weekend is to go cold turkey off the coke. It's so bad for my health on so many levels, and I won't switch to diet. Water or sparkling water will be it, it's what I need, Ive done it before successfully so it's a matter of getting bust taking better care of myself.

Whether i like it or not, a time will come in the next few years when I have to live without my DW, and i need to fight to get healthier and better able to deal with lk the little day to day tasks of living. same for living NOW... losing weight in a healthy manner, exercising and gaining more strength no endurance would make a significant difference in my of life.

The only obstacle in my way is me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PATRISNA
    emoticon
    1470 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    "The only obstacle in my way is me."

    I really needed to see this today. Thanks.

    It's so hard, but planning ahead is a really good idea. I need to follow your lead.
    1471 days ago
  • _BELINDA
    Dar, your post today touched my heart. The struggles we face at our age with bad health can feel overwhelming. I am so glad you are working with an attorney for clarity around what you and your wife both want and need in the future.
    We make choices every day, and ultimately those choice define our lives.
    You and I both need to focus hard on the choices that will improve our health.
    My heart goes out to you today.
    emoticon
    Belinda
    1471 days ago
  • KOFFEENUT
    All of us are facing the same challenge you are - that the only obstacle in our way is ourselves!!! One of the things I love about SparkPeople is that the folks here are actively working on being the best possible version of themselves. We don't do it perfectly; sometimes we hit bumps in the road (or wander off the road entirely). This community understands that, and helps us pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and continue to head in the right direction. You're not where you want to be, but know where you want to go? We're there for you!
    1471 days ago
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