"Being" and "Doing" ... and lymphedema
Sunday, March 12, 2017
I read a wonderful blog this morning that caused me to get thinking about Being and Doing. BEING- as in living fully in the moment in a centered state of awareness, open and receptive. Balanced. Sounds good, right? I can write about it so much better than I am able to experience it. I consider it progress to know that I have much to learn about the art of BEING.
DOING - this one seems easier but for me is much trickier. Playing games on my iPad, reading fiction, watching tv, playing cards, chatting on the phone, there are many ways of being busy and active, doing things that are actually, when you get right down to brass tacks, are a form of escape. Hiding,running, isolating. Avoiding feelings or subjects that I really long to reflect on so that I can take better care of myself. So that I can be kinder to myself, more patient.
My reality these days is that I am physically uncomfortable most of the time. Lying down I'm good but I cannot engage in most of my favorite activities while lying down. And, unfortunately, I am not well enough to care much about the one activity many folks would jokingly wink and smile about doing in that position.
Getting in and out of bed is a challenge, getting up and down from a chair, in and out of a car, and I haven't been able to drive for over a year. I have lower extremity lymphedema, primarily my right leg. A wound on my right calf that is just now starting to close after 15 months. Other areas of the leg that need 1-2x daily bandaging. I am fortunate to live in an area where I have access to a wonderful physical therapist 2x week, and also to have finally obtained a FlexiTouch pneumatic pump system for leg treatments at home.
My wife is a good 20 yrs older than I and with her arthritis unable to assist me in putting on compression wrap or effectively adjusting what Flexitouch garment which enclosed my torso down to foot. So I have been paying privately for aides to come every day and assist me... or am working on getting a better system for doing these lymphedema management tasks daily.
I cannot do it alone. It is a daily issue that cannot be ignored nor wished away, and believe me if it were I would have been freed of it long ago. I often feel trapped in my body. I cannot imagine dealing with this alone, without the loving support and tenderness of my wife, who has early Alzheimer's now.
I have pain at times but it's usually moere a case of being uncomfortable. There are so many more debilitating things I could have. I am grateful for all the blessingsI do have in my life, they are countless and beyond measure.
Just BEING is a gift and yet an awareness that also scares me because I don't have enough faith in myself I think to appreciate how much BEING transcends the physical body. DOING is a challenge I've already explained. And it is intensely frustrating to have difficulty doing simple movements and tasks.