11-11-2016 - Learning to live NOW!
Friday, November 11, 2016
Hey I have finished writing this and need to put a big warning sign before you begin....I needed to vent and write this all out .
Well honestly this week was a huge stinker, no not my diet or exercise but just what happened in the election results. I realize I am mourning the loss I feel and the fear I feel, whether anyone else feels this way or not, this is what I am feeling right now. It is affecting rest, thinking, concentration and my well being. I know i have to deal with this and get past it, heck I am an optimist but this has been well very down,
Last week the
Curves I have gone to for about 5 years closed, now I am sad and knew I would miss the ladies I workout with a lot, but I didnt know it would hurt this much. I went to a different Curves same owner and its a nice place but I just dont feel like I belong well maybe better to say is that I am going to have to learn to fit into this new group, but right I just cry and feel very sad during my workout. But I am making the owner who is a friend and also was my boss feeling sadder and that isnt right. So this is also another challenge I am facing right now.
This last week I have wanted to EAT!!!! anything and everything in the house, but I have fought to keep that at bay mostly. I have not gained but it is hard I just dont feel like I want to keep fighting and trying. Right now I feel a little lost and very much alone.
I know what i need to do....I need to get these feeling sorted out and then just do what I can do right now. The future I pray will be better than I feel at this moment. So I am writing here and will write more in my journal that is just for me to deal with the emotions and just let it all get out on paper, then realize that is all I can do.
All these emotions right now are also bringing up long barricaded hurt feels I have worked to busy since I know talking to the individuals who hurt will mean nothing to them, they dont see it and just think I am wrong and mean..........40+ YEARS of being hurt my them and I still just want their love and respect, something that I can never get. WHY Why do I keep trying??????????? But that is part of the emotions I am feeling right now so raw. I have been trying to put those things in the past and realize that these are their problems and not mine and just accept and forgive mostly myself and know I was not to blame even though I have felt that way for a long time. I want actually doing pretty well till the other day when something was said not meant to be hurtful but downgrading my feelings it just brought it all back to the surface again.
Ok enough said here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time for positive action to get my happy back and feeling good about me right now!!
1. No more politics and reading it especially venting it publicly.
2. Focus on being the best me I can be in the circumstances around me
3. Keep negative people at least arms length or farther and fill the void with my friends who care about me truly
4. Curves well I am going and will try each time I go there to smile and be a part of what that group.
5. No unnecessary eating and no nibbling, stick to healthy eating.
6. It is long due to forgive and move past the hurts I have dealt with. I might talk to a professional and do have reading material I need to go through again.
7. Do more mediation and Tai Chi to keep calm and deal with all the challenges I am having.
LAST AND SO IMPORTANT .......to enjoy my time with husband, kids, and friends keeping those I care about close and knowing I have love and acceptance there.
So this blog was a bummer to read and if you did then you are a friend and thanks.
Hugs and smiles