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11-11-2016 - Learning to live NOW!

Friday, November 11, 2016

Hey I have finished writing this and need to put a big warning sign before you begin....I needed to vent and write this all out .

Well honestly this week was a huge stinker, no not my diet or exercise but just what happened in the election results. I realize I am mourning the loss I feel and the fear I feel, whether anyone else feels this way or not, this is what I am feeling right now. It is affecting rest, thinking, concentration and my well being. I know i have to deal with this and get past it, heck I am an optimist but this has been well very down,
Last week the
Curves I have gone to for about 5 years closed, now I am sad and knew I would miss the ladies I workout with a lot, but I didnt know it would hurt this much. I went to a different Curves same owner and its a nice place but I just dont feel like I belong well maybe better to say is that I am going to have to learn to fit into this new group, but right I just cry and feel very sad during my workout. But I am making the owner who is a friend and also was my boss feeling sadder and that isnt right. So this is also another challenge I am facing right now.
This last week I have wanted to EAT!!!! anything and everything in the house, but I have fought to keep that at bay mostly. I have not gained but it is hard I just dont feel like I want to keep fighting and trying. Right now I feel a little lost and very much alone.
I know what i need to do....I need to get these feeling sorted out and then just do what I can do right now. The future I pray will be better than I feel at this moment. So I am writing here and will write more in my journal that is just for me to deal with the emotions and just let it all get out on paper, then realize that is all I can do.
All these emotions right now are also bringing up long barricaded hurt feels I have worked to busy since I know talking to the individuals who hurt will mean nothing to them, they dont see it and just think I am wrong and mean..........40+ YEARS of being hurt my them and I still just want their love and respect, something that I can never get. WHY Why do I keep trying??????????? But that is part of the emotions I am feeling right now so raw. I have been trying to put those things in the past and realize that these are their problems and not mine and just accept and forgive mostly myself and know I was not to blame even though I have felt that way for a long time. I want actually doing pretty well till the other day when something was said not meant to be hurtful but downgrading my feelings it just brought it all back to the surface again.

Ok enough said here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!

Time for positive action to get my happy back and feeling good about me right now!!

1. No more politics and reading it especially venting it publicly.
2. Focus on being the best me I can be in the circumstances around me
3. Keep negative people at least arms length or farther and fill the void with my friends who care about me truly
4. Curves well I am going and will try each time I go there to smile and be a part of what that group.
5. No unnecessary eating and no nibbling, stick to healthy eating.
6. It is long due to forgive and move past the hurts I have dealt with. I might talk to a professional and do have reading material I need to go through again.
7. Do more mediation and Tai Chi to keep calm and deal with all the challenges I am having.
LAST AND SO IMPORTANT .......to enjoy my time with husband, kids, and friends keeping those I care about close and knowing I have love and acceptance there.

So this blog was a bummer to read and if you did then you are a friend and thanks.

Hugs and smiles
Deb
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EMGERBER
    emoticon emoticon
    1410 days ago
  • NMRYAN
    Deb, sorry you had a bad week, hope things are looking up this week for you. Won't talk about the politics, because everyone has an opinion and my hope is in God not man. Keep looking up, things will get better!
    1435 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    Deb, I am feeling a lot of your pain myself. I don't feel like this past election was just "politics". It is not about my candidate losing - it is about all these hate groups/people feeling legitimized by the president elect. I have so many feelings locked up inside and rather than put them down in writing, I am holding them in and letting them eat away at me.
    1439 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I too, am grieving for the sanity of this country and the fact the entire planet earth is laughing at us because of Bozo.

    When you try to do something and keep getting the same results, think about it. Self-respect is a lot more important than begging for something that others refuse to give. Step around the people who try to keep you down.

    If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

    1440 days ago
  • P63626
    will take you far. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you. AND DAMN THESE CHARACTER RESTRICTIONS!!
    1440 days ago
  • P63626
    it feel harder to feel accepted. I hope this new curves feels even better than the old one in time. When you're down and depressed, old even more hurtful thoughts seem to creep up. I love how you finished on a high note. That kind of attitude (cont)
    1440 days ago
  • DAWNWATERWOMAN
    I feel your pain. Together we can make it better. Remember, you are loved. You show yourself love, By taking care of you. Bright blessings my friend. You are in my prayers.
    1440 days ago
  • P63626
    of this election. After fighting so hard it SUCKS when you don't win, and I truly am sorry you're scared. I hope Trump can prove a lot of people wrong. And I'm so sorry your Curves shut down. Not feeling like you're a part of something makes (cont)
    1440 days ago
  • P63626
    I'm sorry you're having a bad week. And I truly am sorry and sympathize with you that your candidate didn't win. Hell, I even feel bad for Hillary! No matter what your political beliefs are both candidates and their supporters felt the weight (cont)
    1440 days ago
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