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A cry for help

Thursday, October 27, 2016

For those of you who do believe in the positive effects of prayers (any kind of prayers, and no matter who you pray to), please include me in your daily prayers. I am quite desperately in need right now. I have suffered from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) for as long as I can remember, but until last year I just allowed myself to give into my need for sleep, up to 18 hrs a day, as in hibernation for 4 months a year (November thru February mostly).

Last year it lasted almost 9 months, so I got a referral for a mental health specialist and a therapist, with pretty positive results. From Mid-May through August I lost more than 50 lbs and I felt great about myself. Then the monster struck again. And the more effort I put into resisting and keep sticking to my diet and exercise, even with daily meditation for both relaxation and positive self-image, the worse my symptoms got.

Right now I have extremely bad terror dreams with extreme physiological responses, comparable to PTSD. No horror or violence, but extreme emotional terrors with continual criticism, mockery, rejection, losing my way, losing people around me, not knowing where I am, not knowing who I am with. The people in my dreams all know me (all about me - or so it seems) but I have no clue how I am supposed to know them, from where or what. And I wake up with a full blown panic attack, with high fever, soaked to the skin, with severe migraines, loss of balance, shaking, not being able to hold on to anything (dropping what I try to grasp), and not knowing where I am and what is reality and what is remaining from the terror dreams. I even dreamt my mother (who died in 2003) told everybody she was going to kill me if they did not stop her. That did make me wake up crying hysterically. Other than during and right after those dreams, I do not feel like crying or dying. I am not suicidal.

Palpitations and irregular heart beat (not fast but very hard pounding in my chest, head and ears/temples).
I had an ECG and my heart is healthy, so no problem there. And with meds my BP is no longer above 160 systolic over 100 diastolic.
I wake up with migraines with hyper-sensitivity to light, sound, smell. Trouble breathing in as if an elephant sits on my chest.
Nausea and dizziness, feeling as if the walls are going to fall on top of me. Feeling like ready to faint.

I am confused, frustrated and aggravated.
It feels like I am losing my mind, as if I am losing myself.
I saw the therapist earlier this week, and he really helps me through the day. But he is not there when I wake up with a night terror.
I can no longer sleep at night, then sleep away most of the day.

I am trying to research online what might cause the physiological effects.
The doctor explained before the effects of an imbalance of brain chemicals on your mind and your mood, but at the time I did not have all these symptoms I have right now. Actually I never ever had this kind of symptoms before in my life.

I am seeing the doctor again on the 1st of November and the therapist on the 15th.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry that I have not been here to give you the support and caring that you have needed. Family problems kept me busy for several months and I am just now getting back to being active on Spark.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you found out something at the November 1st doctor appointment.
    PLEASE don't give up - you are walking a rough path right now but you are strong.
    Prayers for you!
    1444 days ago
  • BEFIT020
    How did I miss this?!
    I am going to keep you in my thoughts & prayers that your doctors/therapists will help you find some solace through all this! emoticon
    1456 days ago
    Thank you, all of you. I am hoping and praying and doing meditations and positive affirmations myself also. I suspect chemical imbalances in my brain are starting physiological processes in my body and the combination is giving me anxiety attacks during and right after those night terrors -- not during the day.

    I am not quite sure if sunlight is effecting me because it is still 80 degrees Fahrenheit here, though a lot more humid and muggy. There are lots of molds and spores and such around and they are aggravating my allegies, and histamine levels in the brain are one of the triggers for S.A.D.

    1458 days ago
    I am so sorry for all this suffering. Sending you endless compassion for night terrors, sensitivity, heart palpitations, and profound discouragement. These symptoms can all feel excruciating. Wishing you miraculous relief from suffering.
    1458 days ago
    I do believe in the power of prayer and after reading your challenges, Dixie, I will most definitely send you positive thoughts and prayers that you can get through this! Like Cathy said, I was wondering how you were doing, hoping you were better, when I saw your blog. While I am so glad to see you got meds for your high BP and that you are seeing a therapist, your night terrors and palpitations/headaches, nausea and dizziness are very concerning. It does seem to be related to anxiety, but maybe there is a physical cause, so I suggest you get more tests when you go to the doctor. Have you tried anti-anxiety medicine? I am not an expert on any of this, so I don't know what will be the answer for you. But I can pray! Please take care of yourself! emoticon
    1458 days ago
  • MARCEY88
    I was just thinking about you and stopped by to see what was going on. What an awful thing to have to go through. I personally have never had experience in that area. Work closely with your doctor and therapist. When I take AMBIEN to help me sleep, I don't remember my dreams that night. Ask the doctor if meds might help. But you sound as if you have several sleep issues going on. Keep a log of your dreams/symptoms to share with the doctor and therapist. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace.
    1458 days ago
    Wow, I am so sorry you are going through such a bad time right now. I was just thinking of you and hoping you were doing better. I'm glad your BP is no longer so high but I am very concerned about you. It sounds like your dreams are causing you to have anxiety attacks. I wish I could say or do something. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers though!! I hope your doctor's can do something for you. Maybe your therapist can give you some worksheets or something like that to help you think about things and how to get through them. Surely there must be something he can do for you. I've had a few of the symptoms you've talked about but not nearly as bad as yours are. I did start taking magnesium though and it seemed to help me a little. I don't know if it would help you or not but it wouldn't hurt to try it. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1458 days ago
    I am praying for you now to feel safe, at peace, serene, and clear. Good night and sweet dreams to you.
    1459 days ago
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