Living in the moment with feelings
Saturday, September 03, 2016
How does one do that successfully? Darned if I know.... Actually, I'm fairly certain I know how, but doing it not so much. Easier to talk about it. Write about it.
Living with a feeling- sadness. That's my feeling right now, quite deeply.
My mom is relocating from here in upstate NY to Florida, about an hour from Tampa. She sold the house we'd lived in for 50+ years (finally and long overdue), and has purchased a lovely. Fully furnished prefab house in sunny Florida. She'll come back in Summer's to visit - myself and 2 brothers are still here. Another brother and sister already live there- they're all in the same little retirement area. I've never lived in a different town or city from my mother. It's a really good move for her and I am happy for her, and proud of all the work she's down plowing through decades of stuff in a 3-story house and all she's accomplished to get to where she is. The big day she moves down is next Wednesday. The closer it comes the harder it is to avoid my feelings.
Sadness...how does one honor a feeling without rushing to cram it in a box or a poem or unhealthy indulgences (and why doesn't eating a hunk of cabbage distract us from feelings in times like this?!). Talk about my feelings - with my wife, and a little bit with my mom without rain in on her parade. She and I both know that my feelings of happiness for her, and sadness st our being physically separated are separate things, neither diminishes the other.
She and my stepdad are comin over for cards and supper tonight - that will be fun, and it's a way we have often enjoyed spending time together.
Bottom line tho, is that feelings are so simple and yet very difficult for me to "sit" with. Quietly, let it be felt, acknowledge it completely... Grateful that I am capable of feeling sad, that I have a relationship with my mom that, while we've been through a lot of conflict and hurt over the years, we've also worked thru a lot to the point where we are able most of the time to appreciate and enjoy one another NOW, in the moment.
Grateful that my Mom is still on the planet, grateful for the immediacy of communication throug cellphone and other technology.
It's ok to feel sad. I'm going to really miss her... That's something worthy feeling sad about!