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SANDY1380
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Need an opinion

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

I would like male and female opinion please. If a married man lays next to you while you sleeping spends his time on chat rooms and dating sites and looking at nude pics of females instead of sleeping with you and when you catch him and ask him why and he says he just looking for someone to talk to what would you think?
I been marriage for over 16 years to a wonderful man and he a great dad to our 7 kids and he loves to spoil me and we just had our 16 yr anniversary. I love my husband very much.
Well he been doing this and when I ask why he says it nothing just looking for someone to talk to. This is not the first time either, We been through marriage counseling and the person said he was addicted and needed help. We walk out and never went back. We talk about it and I even said it wasn't acceptable. He turn around and said that I have trust issues and that I need to work on them. He was not addicted but he on every time he get a chance. Mostly when I fall asleep. I woke up during the night and catch him on. We had major fights over this. But he always blame me and my trust issues. I am at a loss right now.
I found out that he sends them pics of him self nude as well. He chats on his phone as well. I have caught him lying to me about things. He on yahoo, skype , chat avenue, Isexychat, Internet chat city, kik just to name a few.
Is there a legit reason for married person to do this? Would you believe that someone is just looking to just talk? Would you think of it as cheating or he unhappy or just exploring. Would this create trust issue? How would you resolve this if it was you?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BEACHCALSIX
    This is a very sensitive issue. It is most definitely wrong. However, most men do it. Probably 80%. All of them will deny it. A lot of wives will say "my husband would NEVER do this"
    but...they all do. Everyone has a computer now (almost everyone at least) and like another commentor said, it's really easy to look at that stuff. I'm not saying it's right but I'm just clarifying that not everyone is a saint. I have caught my husband doing it. I have checked his history on occasion and seen a few messages or videos watched that were warnings to me. I have confronted him in a calm way. He said the same thing "it's nothing, just playing around"
    Everyone has times in their life where they are depressed, or having a mid life crisis, sick, afraid etc and they do something crazy to try and feel better. Talking to women like this makes them feel good about themselves and youthful again. It's NOT right but there is usually a reason they do it.
    So to sum it up, no it's not right, but just because they do this doesn't automatically mean they don't love you anymore. I can't give advice on this but I can kind of explain the mindset behind it. It's still a huge red flag warning and can't be ignored. Talking to women (especially real women that live close by) is a big threat to the marriage. It can lead to meeting in person and engaging in actual cheating.
    Hopefully that's not happening but if you can talk to that therapist with him again that may help. If he really needs to do this and loves you he should have no problem showing you the messages and explaining them. I can't say much more though. I wish I could tell you the right thing to do but it's so sensitive and everyone is different.
    All I can do is give you a virtual hug and tell you I've been there and still continue to monitor my husband today. Hang in there and hopefully you can find a resolution!
    1450 days ago
  • BUSYGRANNY5
    I think you are looking for affirmation of what you already know to be true for yourself... Perhaps you should consider counseling on your own... to help YOU determine what the best choice is for you! So sorry you are even having to deal with this...

    Blessings!
    1451 days ago
  • ROSEJULIA
    I hope you're able to get counseling again, I would trust what the professional say this time. Good luck, you deserve to be happy, take good care of yourself in the meantime. Hugs
    1451 days ago
  • BEACHCOMBER16
    Addiction to porn is becoming a large problem today with such easy access. It does sound like he is addicted because he knows it is causing problems with you and him and he continues to do it anyway. Trust is earned. He has broken your trust. If he wants to make it right, he will go to a counselor with you. There are also Christian internet providers that will block that type of content.
    1451 days ago
  • WOUBBIE
    Nope, not very healthy on his part. If he's not willing to go back to therapy, maybe it would still be helpful if you did, if only to have someone to discuss this with and to bolster your own self-esteem. You don't need to work on "trust issues", that's his pathetic excuse for his own issues.
    1451 days ago
  • SANDY1380
    Thanks right now I just don't know what to do. I am very stressed and upset. I am trying to stay strong for the kids. Every time I tried to talk to him we just fight and he blames me. I don't know where to turn.
    1451 days ago
  • BRTTNY1C
    He has to be welling to work on things. Just like if there is something that bothers him then you need to work on it. Marriage is 2 sided not one sided. Again, your head knows, listen to it!
    1452 days ago
  • BRTTNY1C
    Follow your head not your heart!! I know that sounds funny but you know! Trusting him would be hard, should he be doing this, NO, and to me cheating, unhappy and exploring is not ok. If somebody is unhappy fix. But it can't be resolved without him..
    1452 days ago
  • MEGANGENTRY
    Also if ur was just talking why would he be sending and receiving nudes.
    1452 days ago
  • MEGANGENTRY
    It's not that you have trust issues its that's he's given you legitimate reasons not to trust him. There is no reason for someone to do this not even to just talk. If he wants to talk some kind e he can talk to you. You are his spouse. Also...
    1452 days ago
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