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A New Season

Monday, August 15, 2016

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

I hum this in my head today as I browse back through old blog posts and recollect the inspiration and fire I felt when I first made my home here in the SparkPeople community. I remember that initial inspiration - that "spark" that lit me up from inside to make my HEALTH more than a burden - to make it something that defined me and helped me be a better person. I remember the victory I felt with my first five pound loss, and the defeat with my initial five pound gain.

It feels like a different lifetime, and at the same time, just a blink in the past.

I'm trying to stay positive as I look back, knowing that where I am right now has so many innumerable blessings I couldn't have even fathomed compared to even a year and a half ago. But one downside is that it's come at the price of a few pounds.

I will fess up here: I'm plateaued with my weight, 15 pounds heavier than I was about a year ago, and 20ish pounds heavier than I really WANT to be. I'm not at my highest starting weight from Spark, but I'm a long shot from my lowest.

However, I have (what I would call) good reason. I'm a MOM now! :-)

Yes, my life is forever changed for the better. I am more sleep deprived than ever before and less focused on my own health for the time being, as my every moment outside of work is dedicated to my thriving, growing, oh-so-adorable little boy.

I have a baby boy, Theodore (we call him Theo). He will be six months old in 12 days... I can't even believe how quickly the time is flying.

(Theo - July 4th)

Since his birth, my focus is... well, different. I've definitely resurrected some unhealthy habits, I am not proud to admit. (My old friend and beast - sugar addiction - is mighty forceful as of late. It seems brownies are all too easy to whip up and consume in my household!) I have also put exercise on the back burner, as I mainly work to just squeeze SLEEP in when I can. (No, my baby does NOT sleep through the night, and this is normal; we are just taking it night by night and trying to stay alive through the work week.) Consequently - after I lost my initial 30 pounds or so post-birth, I've leveled out at a good pant size or two higher than the majority of my wardrobe.

Well shoot.

The thing is, as much as I WANT to kick these 20 pounds and be back to my spark-worthy inspiration photos, I just don't WANT to. LOL. What?!

I know what it's like to "really truly badly deeply" WANT to lose weight and get healthier - because I "been there done that" and remember the feeling. I am not there right now.

Where I am, in this current season, is mom-survival. I am in wear-what's-comfy-and-fits season. I am in eat-enough-to-keep-up-milk-sup
ply season. I am in desperately-trying-to-sleep season. I am NOT in wake-up-and-work-out season, or count-all-the-calories season.

That's okay, I guess.

I am still me, I know I can be and will be "fit-whit" again when my focus changes. But my focus is entirely on Theo for now.

And it's a beautiful season.

Enjoy the seasons, my friends. They pass quickly, and are all part of your story.

Edited to add: Though I know I want to and will focus on weight-loss again as my story shifts, it's not the right time now. If I do what I know will help me lose weight (tracking calories or restricting intake or increasing exercise) just like I did the first time around, I risk reducing my breast-milk supply for my baby who is still exclusively breastfed (I nurse and also pump at work 3x each day and once before breakfast). :-)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GINA180847
    Congratulations on your lovely little son!
    1106 days ago
    Oh my how time flies! Congrats on baby Theo he is just adorable!
    I just wanted to stop by your page after a long time away from spark to say thank you for the inspo!
    You've inspired me more than you know! Enjoy this season of your life!!
    1406 days ago
    Congratulations! Your baby is adorable! Enjoy every minute!
    1786 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5422106
    Congratulations and welcome to the mommy club. Enjoy every second of it because it is going to be a wild ride. Before you know it, they grow into toddlers. It is the most challenging but also the most rewarding job that you will ever have. Congrats!!
    1807 days ago
    that is great news love.congratulations and welcome to the mommy club and all that implies.do what you feel right foeyou and your baby love remember there are loads of nice exercises you could do with your geourgous son togetherenjoy this time they grow so fast.take care and keep smiling emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1808 days ago
    Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! Enjoy every moment with Theo as they do grow up so fast. You will get a grip on your weight when you are ready. You have done a good job in the past so I know you can do it. It was great to find your blog this morning and am happy to see you back.

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    1808 days ago
  • LEASIM1231
    Great news! Happy for you! They often say it takes 9 months to gain and at least 9 to lose, so you still have 3 months to get you closer to where you want to be. It's really hard when nursing. I always wanted to eat...
    1808 days ago
    OMG, it is so good to hear from you! Congratulations on your baby boy; he is soooo beautiful!!! Don't worry too much about your weight right now, your baby is more important. Concentrate on him because like you said, the seasons pass so quickly!!! Have a fantastic day and may God bless you and your family!!!
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    1808 days ago
    OMG, it is so good to hear from you! Congratulations on your baby boy; he is soooo beautiful!!! Don't worry too much about your weight right now, your baby is more important. Concentrate on him because like you said, the seasons pass so quickly!!! Have a fantastic day and may God bless you and your family!!!
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    1808 days ago
  • ELSCO55
    How sweet
    1808 days ago
    Congrats! What a sweetheart! Focus on you and your baby, you don't need to explain that weight loss isn't on your mind, it really shouldn't even be. Be healthy and happy!
    1808 days ago
    Congrats! The best reason to gain weight!

    You could do low carb to get those few pounds off and then transfer to your regular low cal diet.
    1808 days ago
    Your son is so adorable! Your blog is beautifully written...describes my current focus! And inspired me to accept things the way they are today. If I had to do it over, I would try to live more in the moment. My son recently turned 47.
    1808 days ago
    I well remember your enthusiastic and inspiring blogs of the past! But I am SO excited for you on this new journey of being a mommy! That little guy is SO completely adorable! And the time does pass all too quickly.
    1808 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4516954
    Congrats!! He is absolutely adorable, our kids are a good reason we put us on the back burner for a while.
    1808 days ago
    You are wise to appreciate this season for the wonderful time that it is! The baby/preschool years of my kids are mostly a blur in my memory, and if I could do it over, I would try much harder to live in the moment and appreciate it in all its sleep-deprived wonder!

    It's possible to maintain a healthy weight without exercise. Not as much fun, in my opinion, but possible! Working on nutrition and just enough exercise to keep you mentally healthy might need to be your plan at the moment. Walks while pushing the stroller or biking with a baby seat on the back are fun and doable.

    Good luck!
    1808 days ago
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