To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven
I hum this in my head today as I browse back through old blog posts and recollect the inspiration and fire I felt when I first made my home here in the SparkPeople community. I remember that initial inspiration - that "spark" that lit me up from inside to make my HEALTH more than a burden - to make it something that defined me and helped me be a better person. I remember the victory I felt with my first five pound loss, and the defeat with my initial five pound gain.
It feels like a different lifetime, and at the same time, just a blink in the past.
I'm trying to stay positive as I look back, knowing that where I am right now has so many innumerable blessings I couldn't have even fathomed compared to even a year and a half ago. But one downside is that it's come at the price of a few pounds.
I will fess up here: I'm plateaued with my weight, 15 pounds heavier than I was about a year ago, and 20ish pounds heavier than I really WANT to be. I'm not at my highest starting weight from Spark, but I'm a long shot from my lowest.
However, I have (what I would call) good reason. I'm a MOM now! :-)
Yes, my life is forever changed for the better. I am more sleep deprived than ever before and less focused on my own health for the time being, as my every moment outside of work is dedicated to my thriving, growing, oh-so-adorable little boy.
I have a baby boy, Theodore (we call him Theo). He will be six months old in 12 days... I can't even believe how quickly the time is flying.
(Theo - July 4th)
Since his birth, my focus is... well, different. I've definitely resurrected some unhealthy habits, I am not proud to admit. (My old friend and beast - sugar addiction - is mighty forceful as of late. It seems brownies are all too easy to whip up and consume in my household!) I have also put exercise on the back burner, as I mainly work to just squeeze SLEEP in when I can. (No, my baby does NOT sleep through the night, and this is normal; we are just taking it night by night and trying to stay alive through the work week.) Consequently - after I lost my initial 30 pounds or so post-birth, I've leveled out at a good pant size or two higher than the majority of my wardrobe.
The thing is, as much as I WANT to kick these 20 pounds and be back to my spark-worthy inspiration photos, I just don't WANT to. LOL. What?!
I know what it's like to "really truly badly deeply" WANT to lose weight and get healthier - because I "been there done that" and remember the feeling. I am not there right now.
Where I am, in this current season, is mom-survival. I am in wear-what's-comfy-and-fits season. I am in eat-enough-to-keep-up-milk-sup
ply season. I am in desperately-trying-to-sleep season. I am NOT in wake-up-and-work-out season, or count-all-the-calories season.
That's okay, I guess.
I am still me, I know I can be and will be "fit-whit" again when my focus changes. But my focus is entirely on Theo for now.
And it's a beautiful season.
Enjoy the seasons, my friends. They pass quickly, and are all part of your story.
Edited to add: Though I know I want to and will focus on weight-loss again as my story shifts, it's not the right time now. If I do what I know will help me lose weight (tracking calories or restricting intake or increasing exercise) just like I did the first time around, I risk reducing my breast-milk supply for my baby who is still exclusively breastfed (I nurse and also pump at work 3x each day and once before breakfast). :-)