Stress management and finding time to live life
Monday, June 27, 2016
Once upon a time.....well, what can I say, I was Superwoman. Completed my associates degree, while popping out kids every couple of years and working full-time. Balanced work with kids and all the structured activities that come with that from band to icehockey, karate to girl scouts. Volunteered for everything from being little league team mom to assisting at the preschool to running the school store, or spending a morning in the teacher room, making photo copies for various teachers. I thrived on deadlines, pushed myself like there was no tomorrow. Somehow there was still time in the day to read, to craft, to take off on an all day hike. I could stay up all night to finish Halloween costumes and home made Christmas gifts. I was, simply put, Amazing!
Of course my house was generally a disaster area. We lived on happy meals or kfc grabbed at the drive thru in between one kid activity and another several nights a week. I ate one meal a day and pretty much fueled myself with a pack + a day cigarette habit and always had a coffee cup in my hand. Weight was never in my control at that time. I would suddenly be fat, no matter what I did to lose weight, and then, just as suddenly I'd be skinny, with no real changes in diet, habit or lifestyle. At times, depression would steal in and threaten to rob me of anything I found important, and then suddenly it would just drift away. I believe now that was the beginning of my thyroid issues...or at least when they began to manifest themselves more blatantly.
But I pretty much prided myself on my ability to keep moving, to push through no matter what, to accomplish things that other mere mortals couldn't. I never said no. I could clean that pigsty house from top to bottom in a matter of hours. I could smile, square my shoulders and just keep plugging on. I bought that saying "When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Nowadays it can take me all day just to clean the bathroom. I still have a 3 hour roundtrip commute that means my work life consumes 12 hours of every work day. Just getting home and getting the animals taken care of and getting dinner on the table, showered and ready for the next work day is about all I can manage before collapsing on the sofa. I never get enough sleep. Half of my Saturday is often spent just trying to convince my body that it should get up and do something. Work has gone from being a 3 person office to a 2 person office, to just me since last September, with not only that other job to do, but responsibilities in scheduling and film library work for the other campus as well.
For a while, I was pretty much just existing. For a while I just withdrew from pretty much everything and everyone. Along with all the physical ailments, stress levels were through the roof. EVERYTHING set me off or pushed me over that crumbling edge. And I had absolutely no control over any of it. There was no joy or happiness in much of anything. Everything was done because it had to be, there was no energy left for anything else If I wasn't screaming, I was crying. One more reason that I was pushed into a real attempt at changing my diet, my lifestyle and my habits.
the diet itself seems to take a tremendous amount of time. I seem to always be in the kitchen, chopping slicing, cooking or washing dishes. And yet, I have found the energy to do things I like to do...a hike here, a book there, a small sewing project. Spending time with grandkids or actually out doing something with the husband. My house still needs a major cleaning, but I can at least keep the worst at bay.
So my goal is two part. One is to spend 20 minutes a night doing something I need to do--heck it worked for my yard, it should work for the house. The other is to spend at least 20 minutes doing something I want to do.