The Return

I will be 300 again soon.

This is not good news.

But this is the dirty little secret of weight loss. It's temporary.

We love to point at ignorance or moral failings or deception or whatever. Apart from a torn meniscus which my doctors have decided not to repair because of arthritis under there (and so I have trouble walking), and menopause, there really is nothing to blame.

Food intake is comparable. Weights workout is comparable. I drink 13 (really) cups of water per day. I rarely drink alcohol. I don't indulge in sweets often, and limit myself when I do. I haven't eaten beef since I was 13. I don't eat pork (it's not kosher). I don't fry everything I eat. I watch the salt. I have soda maybe twice a year. My meals balance between protein and carbs, with fats in a smaller percentage. I cook a good 90% of the time. Restaurant meals truly are rare - this week's 4+ pound gain came from a restaurant meal composed of a salad and a stir fry with chicken, and iced coffee with stevia. I am not exaggerating.

I even had plastic surgery to remove the loose skin. You can see the faded scars from a tummy tuck and breast lift. They are still there.

And I am tired. Tired of this nonsense. Tired of one restaurant meal this week (yes, really) turning into a negatively impressive 4.4 pound gain.

This week.

Isn't that awesome? Isn't that amazing? It takes months to take off a pound, yet our bodies are champions, gold star warriors at putting it on.

I got down to about 165 less than 7 years ago. I ran a dozen 5Ks a year. There are finisher medals stacked up in one room. I was down to a size 6.

I am a size 22. My knee hurts like a mother every time it rains. That is the legacy of all of those damned 5Ks - pain when the weather changes.

We have all seen, I am sure, the article which was in the NY Times a few months ago, about how major weight loss does not last. I am its poster child.

The Fast Metabolism Diet gave me a 15 pound loss and then nothing else. I cut out dairy and gluten and I hated the way I felt. Coconut oil in cooking felt greasy and disgusting. I was miserable.

The Always Hungry Solution gave me maybe a 5 pound loss (and I run that team, by the way!). And then that was it.

Either way, I am sick of not living in the world.

I am tired of being the dieter. Yes, yes, I know, lifestyle changes, blah blah blah.

I have been on Sparkpeople for years and I know the drill and I know the mantra. I have been chanting that mantra since before many of you ever heard of this place. Again, no exaggeration - look at my fitness minutes. I truly have been here forever, or so it seems.

I am not necessarily looking for a solution with this blog post. I don't even know if this is a cautionary tale. These are not the slow increments of an extra piece of chocolate. They are not the product of binges, either. They are life.

The article - and I have no reason not to believe it - followed people with serious, over 100 pound weight losses like mine. And you know what? I am so damnably efficient that I need something like 500 calories less to maintain than most people.

Essentially what this means is, in order to maintain (not lose, maintain!), I will have to stop eating dinner.

Forever.

Maintenance, people. It's what's (not) for dinner.

And it stinks.