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Saying goodbye is hard!

Monday, May 30, 2016

I know I haven't been very interested in Spark-ing lately...
Not that I'm not doing the right things for my health...
I'm eating well, drinking water, working out... I just have NO MOTIVATION or TIME to track at all!
And that's OK. (I tell myself!)
Sometimes life pushes you into a much more important issue to deal with...

... Like my Mom!

I don't even want to rehash the story... I've replayed it too many times in my head and talked it out so many more times with my siblings and my Dad!
I am just ready to move on with the happy memories and my new perspective on LIFE because of it!

The story I'm referring to is the story of my mother's passing on May 10th.
She was only 63 years old...
She began to have some difficulty breathing one day... which turned into a doctors visit, which turned into a hospital stay... which turned into a heart attack... and ultimately turned into my mother having open heart surgery and being unable to fight the uphill battle! Her heart was in worse shape then any one could have guessed!

It was tragic to see her, one day seeming so normal... to the next, on life support machines in ICU! It was 2 very emotional weeks for me and my family and saying goodbye was no easier!

My mom's funeral was on May 17th... it was a beautiful celebration of her life, but sooo many tears were shed! It's still hard to believe that she is really gone!

Day by day, I get stronger. I haven't cried about her in weeks (scratch that, I just started crying)... emoticon
This past weekend I felt compelled to spend yet another weekend with my Dad, since his birthday was this past Thursday (it's a 6 hour round trip commute to see him!) which I KNOW he LOVED!!!

But all my own housework has taken a back seat to me driving to see my Dad, doing all HIS housework... then cooking him some meals and doing the gardening and yard work, all before I leave! (Less than 48 hours!)

Life has been challenging for the past month, to say the least... but after this last visit, I could tell my Dad was already showing signs of recovery! Slightly less devastated... still sad, but more rational! ... less mad, more understanding! I can't imagine how he must feel right now (probably very alone and uncertain of his future) so all I can do now is contact him daily to make sure he's in the right head space and knows that I'm here for him when he needs me!!!

So... that in a nutshell has been my May.

After logging into Spark to write this blog, I noticed the title of my previous Blog was so very fitting... "Pain is inevitable, but misery is a choice". And this is definitely a situation in life that hurts... but the misery of it, that's MY CHOICE!

I love you Mom! I will be talking to you every night! emoticon emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JIBBIE49
    How sad. My mother died of a heart attack when I was 17 and she was 58. My Dad was 65 and he got married again about 2 years later, as it seemed women came from everywhere to "help him out." We really didn't think at his age he needed to get married again, but we had no say in the issue. He moved into her house and she took over. He passed away at age 75.
    1375 days ago
    Thinking of you today. Close to a year later emoticon I lost mine November of 2014 and this mother's day was terrible. I know it was hard for you since it was your first. emoticon
    1486 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss sweetie! You have been such an inspiration for me on here and I hate to see you go through this. I dread the day I lose my parents and I can't even begin to understand the pain that had to have caused....((BIGHUGZ)) I know she is watching over you and is so very proud of the amazing woman you have become! emoticon emoticon
    1556 days ago
    Finally checking in on you, and I'm so sorry to read this. I lost my dad just over a year ago so unfortunately I have some idea about the pain of losing a parent, though everyone's grief is different. I hope you and your family have many precious memories to comfort you. Hugs!!!
    1624 days ago
    Only just now reading this and wanted to let you know how sorry I am. The grief process can be long and drawn out, and will be compounded by your care for your dad. I hope you're able to take care of yourself too.
    1742 days ago
    So sorry for the loss of your mom. Mine has been gone ten years now and I still miss her but mostly with bittersweet or happy memories.

    With my dad it was finding easy, healthy meals that he could put together for himself. I showed him how to cook a salmon filet in the microwave with a bit of butter and lemon juice. Super yummy, easy and healthy. Also, M&M Meats is your friend for things like Shepherd's Pie. Save On Foods, Co-op and Safeway all have prepared food areas too although my dad turned his nose up on that for the most part. He wanted home cooked meals. Also, doing a big batch of mashed potatoes and then freezing it in small portions help. Yes, not really diet food but my dad was losing weight rapidly at this point and too many calories weren't the issue. Also, the nicely packaged precut beans and broccoli are good and easy.

    Been there, done that, it gets better. Good on you for helping your dad. They really do appreciate it. Sorry he's so far away, that makes everything exhausting. We were lucky because my dad's neighbours were fabulous and invited him in for dinner on a seemingly rotating schedule. Hopefully there are some resources near him he's willing to accept help from.

    I'm late to the conversation, I'm sorry, but hopefully things have eased up on you a bit.
    1782 days ago
    I'm so sorry sweetie. I haven't been on SP lately and missed this blog. I lost my mom in 1999, she had lung cancer but she was recovering and she died suddenly from pneumonia, so I understand what you are going through.

    My "belated" thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Take care and hope all is well with you and Joe. ~ Dee emoticon
    1789 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss, I hope God can give you peace in your heart emoticon !
    1802 days ago
    I am so very sorry for your loss Jess. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. Much love to you. emoticon
    1841 days ago
    Oh Jess! You have a beautiful heart! I have been thinking about you a lot this past month and I admire your strength... and I love your view point. You are 100% right. You can't change the past. You can't change the hole that is permanently there, but you can choose to live and be happy. One day at a time!
    Regarding the housework... it's a good reminder that sometimes other things are more important and that's okay. The mess will still be there emoticon
    Love you my Sparkfriend! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1841 days ago
    emoticon I am sorry. I cannot even imagine the emotions and feelings you and your family have been working with. Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.
    1842 days ago
    SO sorry to hear about your mother!! I'm glad you are processing it and doing that hard, hard work. Also how lovely that you are spending lots of time and energy helping your father through this.

    Big love to you!!
    1843 days ago
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    You will be in my thoughts and prayers I hope God lightens your heartache with every new day
    1843 days ago
  • no profile photo CD411838
    My condolences to you and your family!
    1843 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4688576
    My heart is truly broken for you my friend! I am so sorry and please know that I am sending all my love your way.

    1843 days ago
    My condolences to you and your dad on the loss of your mom. I lost my mom last year, I miss her very much. My deepest sympathy to you. emoticon
    1843 days ago
    I am sorry for you loss
    1843 days ago
    Remember to look after yourself first so that you have enough to give
    1843 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss
    1843 days ago
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