SP Premium
250,000-299,999 SparkPoints 268,682

When is the time right?

Monday, May 09, 2016

emoticon Hello there , it is me Malexander4 here. I have been away for quite some time. Oh I log in each day, I spin the wheel, check in with two of my teams, I've even done a challenge or two. But the reality above that is once I leave my computer I leave my plans in the dust. You see I have been walking this path for so very long and a yellow brick road it is not. I have not been happy for quite some time. It is due mainly to me and my not sticking with any plan at this point. Oh I've tried them all, Spark, My Fitness Pal, Atkins, Weight Watchers, and guess what? None of them have stuck.

I just feel like maybe I have nothing left to give myself. I have let myself down so very many times over the years, and have nothing to show for it for money spent on plans, gadgets, tools, scales, weight loss pills, doctors visits and most of all my sanity. Because lets face it deep down it is all about the sanity that we lose when we feel like we have done all that is possible to step on the scales and see nothing, nada, zip, Zilch. Or worse to know you cheated your way through the week and it is weigh in time and you step on those scales hoping beyond hope that maybe just maybe that one or two good days you had will help you to see a loss. Well that is isn't going to happen and you know it deep down but you have this wish that you are wrong.

So really when is the time right to begin? I don't mean to keep going, I don't mean to finish, hell I mean to just begin and maybe get past emoticon and actually see a emoticon on your day two. I haven't seen that in so long. Oh I tend to head to my old teams and I still follow along with the challenges, the questions, and the threads. But in truth i'm lying to them and myself most of all. I see my Spark friends losing and my tracker stays the same. I see them planning, cooking, and exercising and i'm over here like " yeah it was a bad day give me cookies". Well it isn't working. and truthfully I never thought it would. I just haven't had the gumption to get up off my "%^ and get it done.

So again I have to ask myself "when is the time right Michelle?"

Only I can pick the right time. Only I can see this through. emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Any time you start is a new day.
    1041 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6913562
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1681 days ago
  • FITJEN48
    Ooooh girl. You haven't wasted one minute or one dime. You have only invested them in finding your own way. Sometimes, we just have to learn about ourselves in the process. I've done all that too! And sometimes, I am right there in that bag of cookies with ya. No more beating yourself up, only cheering yourself on. Congratulations on taking all of those steps, even if they feel like meandering ones. You've taken them. Now, if you had never ever even tried...that's another thing, but you have. Keep at it sister. You're so right, there never is a "good time to start." Jump in where you are and take one small step. Even if it is the tiniest thing. Just try to get consistent at one easy peasy thing. That way you'll "feel" success. For me, I exercised. Didn't matter if it was 1 minute or ten. I gave myself a sticker on my calendar. Didn't matter if I drove through McDonalds every single meal. If I did ANY exercise on purpose, walking up and down the driveway twice, I got a sticker. Once I started seeing I could do something consistently, it turned into what else can I do. That felt soo good as opposed to the "failure" I felt every time I started and stopped a new plan. I left WW crying so many times and drove right on in to subway after meetings. So, I get it. Many hugs. You've go this sister. emoticon
    1901 days ago
    Just take one day at a time and don't give up. Hugs!!!
    1908 days ago
    Thank you for your honest words Michelle! I saw myself in them. I've had some successes, but have never managed to make them stick. I keep telling myself to keep trying no matter what though, because even though I fall way too many times to count, I have to get back up.
    1909 days ago
    You will know - the lightbulb will again go on.
    1909 days ago
    The right time is now, Michelle. But you already know that.
    Wish I could help you get out of your slump and hope you will soon.
    Keep at it, that Spark is bound to find you!
    1909 days ago
    Today is the day. Just make small changes one day at a time.
    1909 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.