Tail Between My Legs :(
Wednesday, May 04, 2016
Well, I am back and unfortunately I have reached an all time mental/emotional "low" and a "high" in my weight. I'M EMBARRASSED! And that doesn't help with my emotional eating. I was at an all time low of 130 and looked and felt amazing! For the past (almost) 2 years I have not been able to get under 145. I am guessing I am up to 160 by now (too scared to get on the scale). This past month, my eating has been out of control and I need to STOP! Because of my out of control eating, everything else in my life feels out of control.
When I initially lost my weight (went from 209-140 in about 7 months in 2009), blogging out my feelings, emotions, and frustrations really helped me to lay off the food and I am hoping it helps this time.
So I will start with the obvious--- I have been such a health advocate for years, having been successful with weightloss and received lots of kudos, admiration, and praise ..... Fast forward to NOW: I have friends, family, co-workers, gym mates see that I am 30 lbs heavier (I am only 5'2" so 30#s is A LOT) and eating hoards of junk food, I can't help but feel I am being mocked, pitied, and talked about. And that makes me want to eat! Logically, I know I am probably imagining it, and even if I am not--- IT DOESN'T MATTER! WHY do I care what other people think of my weight? It is not their body! How is overeating helping this situation? It's NOT! I am only hurting myself. Help me to remember this!
I am excited to be back. I hope that by spending my afternoons and/or evenings journaling and surfing SparkPeople that I can get the unhealthy cravings and eating out of my system.
So I am off to re-do my SparkPage and hopefully reconnect with old friends and make new ones.