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Tail Between My Legs :(

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Well, I am back and unfortunately I have reached an all time mental/emotional "low" and a "high" in my weight. I'M EMBARRASSED! And that doesn't help with my emotional eating. I was at an all time low of 130 and looked and felt amazing! For the past (almost) 2 years I have not been able to get under 145. I am guessing I am up to 160 by now (too scared to get on the scale). This past month, my eating has been out of control and I need to STOP! Because of my out of control eating, everything else in my life feels out of control.

When I initially lost my weight (went from 209-140 in about 7 months in 2009), blogging out my feelings, emotions, and frustrations really helped me to lay off the food and I am hoping it helps this time.

So I will start with the obvious--- I have been such a health advocate for years, having been successful with weightloss and received lots of kudos, admiration, and praise ..... Fast forward to NOW: I have friends, family, co-workers, gym mates see that I am 30 lbs heavier (I am only 5'2" so 30#s is A LOT) and eating hoards of junk food, I can't help but feel I am being mocked, pitied, and talked about. And that makes me want to eat! Logically, I know I am probably imagining it, and even if I am not--- IT DOESN'T MATTER! WHY do I care what other people think of my weight? It is not their body! How is overeating helping this situation? It's NOT! I am only hurting myself. Help me to remember this!

I am excited to be back. I hope that by spending my afternoons and/or evenings journaling and surfing SparkPeople that I can get the unhealthy cravings and eating out of my system.

So I am off to re-do my SparkPage and hopefully reconnect with old friends and make new ones.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WORTHEYMOM
    Yep I know the feeling! In the last 9 months I have gained back 20+ lbs ugh!

    BUT we are going to make the changes we need - physically and emotionally to get back to where we need to be! emoticon
    1391 days ago
  • GLMOM2
    I'm in the same boat! emoticon

    Lost/maintained & gained it all back. I'm on my journey to lose it (30 pounds) again and never get it back again!

    emoticon ... emoticon ... emoticon
    1391 days ago
  • LORI-K
    Welcome Back!!!
    You're in great company here on Spark! You can meet your goals again.....!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1391 days ago
  • CRADLEY
    Glad to see you are back. I am struggling now too with regain and seem to be stuck on a plateau. Wishing you luck on this journey!!
    1392 days ago
  • MILMOM2000NEW
    I'm SO thankful you are here my friend! SO happy! I am like you and have been struggling for a while now, actually since we were back in Texas. But best part............ WE ARE HERE! We can do this again and we can be healthy! I KNOW it!

    SO glad you are back and can't wait to make this healthy journey with you again! I miss your smile!
    1392 days ago
  • SKFEREBEE
    Glad you're back. Fall down 7 times, get up 8. One day at a time, Helen. These food addictions are hard to manage, but this place is a good place for support. emoticon
    1392 days ago
  • KANSASROSE67
    I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm GLAD to see you back on Spark! You are one of my oldest and dearest Spark Friends and I know you are going to get that spark back and do awesome things.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1392 days ago
  • BARCELONAME
    we are walking our journey with some detours and bumps on the road.... You are not alone with your struggle..... we all do in one way or another... but the fact that we are here and that we keep on pushing for a healthier us it is what really counts and makes a difference.... one step at a time..... one day after the next... we will get there.....
    1392 days ago
  • HMBROWN1
    Welcome back! We have all been there. You were successful before and you will be again. Best wishes.
    1392 days ago
  • HMBROWN1
    Welcome back! We have all been there. You were successful before and you will be again. Best wishes.
    1392 days ago
  • KEEPITUP4LIFE
    I think many of us at Spark People have been there done that. You are NOT alone.
    BUT.......we are all here to help support and inspire you and walk this healthy journey with you. All the best, YOU WILL reach your goals. emoticon

    Hugs Susan emoticon
    1392 days ago
  • FITCOFFEEMOM357
    Hello friend!!!
    1392 days ago
  • LILGIRL464
    I'm inspired by your honesty. You can do this ☺
    1392 days ago
  • SNOWDOESIT
    You are absolutely correct - no one's opinion matters except yours! This journey is for YOU, not anyone else. As someone who hasn't really lost weight like you have in the past, I am in awe of what you did and I have absolutely no doubt you can do it again. You know you're worth it, you're back on the right track, and I know you'll be successful. You're already a motivation to me, if that means anything at all.
    1392 days ago
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