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What have I been up to since the big loss (wedding pic)

Monday, April 25, 2016

In a tale as old as time I regained all of the weight I lost with SP 5 years ago. I wish I had some amazing reason but a death, emotional eating and a sense of a loss of control led to apathy and denial. It is sadly not a unique story. Along the way there were many broken promises. Starts and stops. Self professing blogs of starting anew. Each with a sense of foreboding as I doubted my ability to follow through.

April 2 I married my fiancé of 7 years! He has been on this roller coaster with me and always supportive. We married at what is my highest weight ever. It was an absolutely amazing day. Relaxed, joyful and full of love. I felt beautiful and amazing.

I had tossed around the idea of an attempt at a big loss but my heart wasn't in it. Of course I never even tried. I am glad I didn't because this was not something to be done without heart. We don't have all the pictures back yet but we got a few samples she has sent us and they break my heart. To see myself here again. To have been so in denial of what I truly look like. These pictures will always be a reminder of a happy time in my life. I married a man who loves me for who I am and always will. Now it is time for me to love myself.

This afternoon I met with a weight loss/obesity specialist and we created a plan together. I feel excited to begin. I will get a baseline of bloodwork on Wednesday and the program will likely start this Saturday. It is medically supervised and rather hardcore. That would intimidate some but not me. I am ready. This is my time and I am going to do it exactly to the letter. No excuses. No lying to myself. It is just me and my body as we are will beat this. Period.

My time is now.
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