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A Time For Living A Time For Grieving A Time To Admit I Am Lost

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Hit me like a rock I did so well when Charlie (my husband) passed away. Everyone was so amazed by how well I was holding up. I wasn't ready to grieve to busy trying ot do everything I had to to keep busy this way I was to busy to think about Charlie, his death me making the decision to shut life support off.

I finally burned out mid March never finished the painting in the house or the garden i started. That's when the binging started up again. Yes I said again I haven't done this in years in fact decades. I would binge back on base in the safety and privacy of my dorm room now in the safety of my home and privacy of living room. Hell the dogs will never tell on me. I came back to SP thinking this would keep my mind active.

I miss Charlie so much i could talk so freely with him he accepted me with all my short comings and faults. As I did with him. I never felt like damaged goods when I was with him.

I put my head in the sand thinking time would pass and I would carry on living never having to really deal with my feeling of him dying this grieving stuff really sucks the big one. Both physiatrist and psychologist told me I may not grieve right away it could take a few months or years.

Charlie's birthday would have been today he would have turned 46 today. I was so looking for my doctors appointment today so I could let the physiatrist know what was going on with me and how sad I am. My appointment was canceled as she will no longer be my doctor the VA is assigning me a new doctor lot of changes in the VA.

Here now I am waiting for new doctor and appointment I do have an appointment in May to talk with psychologist My meds not working as well as they were.

R.I.P Charlie my love Happy birthday you are where you wanted to be for so long.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SISSIE21
    I am so sorry for your loss, he sounds like a very special man. emoticon
    1858 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1858 days ago
    Again I'm sending positive vibes & sympathy for your loss... A therapist I saw years ago kept telling me I hadn't processed my grief over implosion of my 1st marriage & its aftermath, but I can't let myself sink too far into pit of self-pity...
    1858 days ago
    So very for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. emoticon
    1858 days ago
  • no profile photo AMYSSAVIC
    So sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching and make it in his memory. You need to remember and celebrate what you had. With love I wish you well.
    1858 days ago
  • no profile photo AMYSSAVIC
    I found music to be the best therapy for me. I always hated the new stuff like hip hop but went out dancing one night & found myself laughing & actually enjoying myself again. I realized I'm still alive & i know he would want me to be happy again.
    1858 days ago
  • no profile photo AMYSSAVIC
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am an emotional eater as well. I have lost the man I loved suddenly about 12 years ago and tried to go with him but the good Lord decided otherwise. Food was my comfort but nothing satisfied my hunger. It took a while.
    1858 days ago
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