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Short deep thoughts!

Monday, March 21, 2016

When one ages, one hands out advice, liberally---
It seems to come with the territory---
I wish, in certain situations, I could just smile----and walk away---neither agree nor disagree-
Himself never gets "mired" in messy family stuff---
I need to adopt more of his philosophy---perhaps I'd sleep better---not worry so much about "putting everything right"---

It's Monday----back to the Dreadmill--=-a wee walk outside---
Exercise really does help the mind!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Go and clear your mind. I hope you can have a good week ahead with fewer problems to worry over.
    1354 days ago
    On the positive side, we never cease to learn emoticon
    Focus on your excellent healthy job!
    1354 days ago
    I think its the maternal gene. Letting go doesn't seem to be in our natures. And yet... we'd be so much better off if it were! emoticon
    1354 days ago
    It is a difficult task....
    keeping our opinions to ourselves...

    I try, and sometimes succeed.

    Happy "Dreadmill" time !!
    1354 days ago
    I have learnt that what I believe will work in another's life, is not necessarily what they believe will work, sooooooooooooooo I have mastered the fine art of keeping my sage advice to myself unless specifically asked to give it. emoticon

    Early on I was right ready to give our eldest unsolicited advice about everything concerning motherhood. She has thanked me for sharing my wisdom. However, observing her over the years, I saw that she had a builtin sense of good parenting & it did not take me long to realize that she really did not need my advice. Actually, I marvel at how well she does by all five Grandblessings & the foster children they have welcomed into their home. I'd like to think she is the proverbial "chip off the old block" (meaning me); however, I truly do believe it is just the way she is wired to make great choices in parenting.

    Much to my chagrin, I now look back on my unasked-for advice to two girlhood friends - neither of whom took my sage advice anyway. emoticon Over the years, both complained to me about their own sad choices to cater to their grown daughter's demands for money, when NEITHER daughter was willing to work to support themselves & their children. One friend, also, supports her lazy son-in-in-law, who does not want to work & now she is putting the oldest grandson through college - he lives with her & will not get a part time job. He tells her that he has been looking, but cannot find anything - this has been going on for the past three years - he is only in his second year of college, so has not even been taking a full load. The younger grandson has graduated high school & has found part time work, while he takes college courses. My friend just will NOT give that tough love that both her daughter & eldest grandson need. Actually, she has complained about the younger grandson expecting that she foot some of his expenses, too. The grandsons sure did learn well from watching their parents manipulate my friend over their growing up years. After years of listening to all the complaining about the same concerns, now, when my friend complains to me, all I say is that things will not change unless she takes the positive steps she needs to. I guess I am her sounding board just to vent her frustrations on & she really has no intention of making the changes needed. I see her having to work until she is in her eighties at the rate she is going!

    The other friend is now physically unable to work & is on a small SS pension & finally the daughter is working - while still taking advantage of anyone she can to "help" with her five children & her own living expenses. Although she will not go after the fathers for child support, which seems odd to me. She recently very smugly told my friend that she often had not needed the money she asked for. When my friend asked her why she asked without need, she just as smugly said because she could. Talk about a slap in the face! My friend did not get herself medical coverage & let diabetes take its course without medical treatment & is paying a high price now. She would NOT take my advice to pay her taxes on her home, choosing rather to give money to her daughter, so ended up losing it. How she grieved over that loss! Now she feels stuck living with her son, who she claims treats her badly & says very cruel things to her - when he chooses to speak to her at all. She said that she wishes that she had listened to me about getting medical coverage & using it; as well as squirreling away some of her earnings in savings. It gives me no satisfaction to have been proven right! emoticon

    Bottom line: My un-requested advice to us all is to keep our mouths shut unless asked advice of & even then think twice about giving it. And certainly, if they are not asking for it, they really do NOT want it, Lynda!

    God bless your week to the fullest!
    1354 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/21/2016 4:33:58 PM
    Darn kids. Do mothers ever stop worrying?
    1354 days ago
    Boy, I can relate to this! I need to learn to stop trying to fix things.
    1354 days ago
    I am learning to just smile and keep mouth shut hard!!!!. I have no biological children but 6 stepchildren all older with children of their own, I think when they ask for advice they really don't want it but rather just want to vent. I understand it is hard to be a parent and see your child doing something in a way that you would never do. You just want to make the world and their life better. But they are the adult and they have to make their own choices and then learn from those choices just like we did. Hugs and don't bite your tongue too hard. It hurts.
    1354 days ago
  • no profile photo HEALTHY-VICKI
    I wish it was easy to do for me it isn't. emoticon
    1355 days ago
    dreadmill does us wonders in more ways than one ....roc
    1355 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    1355 days ago
    I think that is a woman thing.
    1355 days ago
    you must let it go emoticon
    1355 days ago
    A wise person once told me that trying to "fix" everything means we do not trust other people to manage their own lives. And it's probably true; we still see our offspring as "our children" and not as the adults they have become. That is compounded by a society that blames mothers whenever their children do something that someone else doesn't like - right or wrong. Add to that the fact that we are taught from little on up that our children's behavior reflects how well we as parents did raising them. If they do something "wrong" it is "our fault."

    That whole picture is so wrong!

    We raise our children to become their own independent adults and then try to "make sure" they do things "the right way" meaning "our way." We have to allow them to live life on their own terms. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it hurts like crazy. Sigh.

    As you can tell from all the responses, you are not alone. My own tongue is also bruised and scarred from biting it so hard so often. Add my sympathies for you to theirs. And have a better Monday.
    1355 days ago
  • EDWARDS1411
    I'm working on smiling and walking away - or at least walking away anyway - doesn't come easy to mothers - but I'm working on it!!!
    1355 days ago
    aaah, it is so hard to bite your tongue and not say anything, especially when it has to do with your grandkids... I am learning, and so will you!
    1355 days ago
    My MIL is my role model in this. She was a wonder at keeping her opinion to herself and not judging. Never said an unkind word, but sometimes I could read her facial expression to know she was biting her tongue! My own mother is 89 and I wish she would hold back even a little! She says things out loud when we are among strangers that are going to get us beat up someday! (Only partially joking!)
    1355 days ago
    Have a Great week!
    1355 days ago
    I give advice, they don't take it and then when things don't turn out for them, they tell me they should have listened to me. Music to my ears. emoticon BUT I don't say I told you so (well maybe not as much as I would like) and just bite my tongue (NOT always sometimes I can't help myself and say I told you so) emoticon

    What REALLY gets me is when my himself tells me his advice to give the kids because I am the one who always tells them what they should do emoticon
    That way he can maintain the fiction that he is the "cool" parent.


    Have a wonderful Monday!! emoticon
    1355 days ago
  • GLORYB83
    It must be a 'woman' thing Lynda because I'm like that too. We can't set the entire world right but we try. I have difficulty keeping quiet.

    Do have a nice day and great week!
    1355 days ago
    It's hard. Women internalize "relationship things" more than men. **SIGH**

    1355 days ago
    Sometimes the less said, the better. emoticon
    1355 days ago
  • no profile photo GRAMPIAN
    Good plan. emoticon
    1355 days ago
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