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Do you ever?

Monday, March 07, 2016

Do you ever do something that you really didn't plan on doing, didn't really want to do, but did it anyhow and afterwards found yourself scratching your head and thinking "Why did I....?" They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Sometimes I question my sanity when it comes to healthy eating.

It's been a stressful week for me. Saturday I had a relaxing day planned to go to dinner and a play in Detroit. I was looking forward to it. Dinner at the Whitney. I had never been there, it is an old lumber baron's mansion which is now a restaurant. Followed by the play "Janis Joplin" who just happens to be one of my favorite blues ladies at the Fox Theatre - which is a beautiful venue.

However, the morning was trying to catch up on house cleaning, getting some laundry done, trying to figure out what the heck to wear that fit, looked good and would be ok for a long ride there and back and possibly an outdoor walk, fancy enough for dinner, but casual enough to be comfortable and shoes or boots that would be dressy enough, but fitting for a walk in possible snow (hah). Then my friend called and wanted to leave an hour earlier because there was snow in the Detroit forecast. Ugh, really?

Just a little more stress, right?

The Whitney home was beautiful. I threw caution to the wind with dinner and had the onion soup, a steak with potato and green beans, and the pastry sampler for dessert. Yep, dessert. After all, it isn't every day that one gets to go out for a nice dinner. I enjoyed it. Portions were just right, so I didn't leave feeling stuffed.

The weather was cold, but clear. We opted to walk from the Whitney to the Fox Theatre - which was quite a few blocks. The walk felt good, however, we ran into a bit of a challenge when we found the sidewalk closed in an area and had to walk in the road with traffic! Yikes!

The play was awesome. The woman who played the roll of Janis Joplin was excellent. She sang well, even sounding like Janis, down to the rasps and growls! Not sure how she talked after that show! We headed home after the show and got in around 2:30 in the morning.

Sunday I woke up around 7:30. I told myself it was too early to get up - but I was awake, so I got up. I threw a load of laundry in the washer, turned on the tv, put my feet up and proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. I slept until almost noon! When I woke up, I was groggy feeling. I didn't want to do a thing! Still in my jammies!

I opted for a bowl of cereal for breakfast instead of my usual weekend egg scramble. I didn't even want to scramble an egg! I sat back on the couch, looked through a magazine and some mail. I thought about taking the dog for a walk, but it felt cold outside. I decided to stay indoors where it was warm. I watched a couple shows off my dvr. I thought about lunch.... but was too lazy to make anything and nothing in my refrigerator sounded good. I thought about going to the store to get some fresh produce, fruit and meat..... but stayed on the couch.

Then I started getting hungry. I thought about the chicken breasts in the refrigerator. Nah, that didn't sound good. I should go to the store. I watched another show off the dvr. The sun was starting to set. The day was getting away from me. I did some more laundry and watched yet more tv. I was hungry. I ordered pizza from the local pizza place. I even asked them to bring me a Coke Zero. What? I was soda free. I didn't care. I wanted it. I deserved it.

I ate the pizza and drank the coke zero. Why? What was I thinking? Afterwards I felt crappy. Crappy because I ate too much. Crappy because I broke my soda free streak. Crappy because I not only ate pizza, I ate more than one or two slices.

I watched more tv, threw the leftover pizza in the trash and went to bed feeling crappy. Shy do I do this to myself? I truly didn't plan on being a total slug for the day. I didn't plan on eating crappy. In fact, the day before, I told myself I would go to the Y on Sunday since I didn't have anything planned. I was going to cook the chicken breasts, roast some veggies and have a healthy dinner.

Usually weekends are pretty good for me. Usually they involve more walking and exercise because I can be active during the daytime instead of working. Usually they involve healthier eating because I can take my time and cook healthy things and prepare those fresh veggies and fruits.

When I went to bed, I couldn't help but wonder what that was about. Was it because I was stressed? Overtired? What is that acronym.... HALT..... hungry, angry lonely, tired? Yep, that probably fit. Was it because I allowed myself to splurge on Saturday? Perhaps I thought I was "getting away" with something when the scale didn't flash a weight gain on Sunday, so I pushed the envelope? Was it because I had an unstructured day to myself after so many days of structure? Perhaps a little of all of those things.

Today Mr Scale did reflect that weight gain. Normally I would want to punish myself and not eat today AND make my body pay by working out extra hard. However, today I brought some veggie soup for lunch and have that chicken breast at home for dinner tonight. I decided to start the day off on a positive note, and walked on the treadmill a couple miles before work. I felt invigorated and ready to go!

It's a blue skied, sunny day here in Michigan. Temps are supposed to be in the 50's. Rain is in the forecast - but I don't see it yet! My plans are to get outdoors with the dog tonight, a nice long walk. If it rains, my alternative plan is to go to the Y - not to punish myself, but to get a bike ride in and maybe even a short soak in the whirlpool. I will eat healthy. I will have a soda free day and start that streak over.

Today I will focus on the things I did right this weekend, not the things I stumbled on. Even though I had a lazy day yesterday, I did get in my steps for the day. I did get my laundry and housework done AND I got a few things off that ever growing list of shows on the DVR.

Dang I hate it when that side of me pops up, but it is a side of me. I am not staying stuck. Moving forward towards those goals.

Focus Barb, focus. What do you REALLY want? Move towards it. Don't beat yourself up and tire yourself for the journey. You need your strength to get there. Don't waste it. Use it positively!
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