How you doing? Here, take just a little more. It's ok, you can handle it. You got this girl.
Ever look at your calendar and think you don't have much on it and you are going to have a pretty easy week with some time for yourself, only to have things hit the fan?
We had a storm on Tuesday. The roads were pretty bad. The plows seemed to be waiting for the snow to finish falling before they tackled the roads. Add to that some of that freezing wet stuff that coats your windshield wipers so they just smear the stuff on your thawing windshield. Driving was a bit tricky. Schools were closed. Work was open.
The drive home that normally takes about 25 minutes took over double that time. Wednesday morning work opened with a two hour delay. I looked out the window. Didn't look much worse than the day before! I hopped on the treadmill and walked a couple miles taking advantage of that extra time. Then I went out and tackled shoveling the driveway. Not bad. The snow wasn't that heavy. Off to work.
When I got there I found out we were understaffed in our Holland office. I headed there to work for the afternoon. The drive wasn't bad. Roads were cleared. However, the stress of doing a job which I am not trained to do made up for the lack of the stress on the drive. I missed eating my healthy soup I made and instead found myself choking down a sub in the car on the drive there. Well, at least I had a somewhat healthy sub and not a burger and fries!
Everything is just a little different in that office. The copier is a little different. Scanning is done a little differently, the phones look identical to our office, but they function a little differently..... enough to make every little thing stressful! Things I normally do without even thinking were requiring problem solving skills! How do I find that document in their filing system? Where do I store this document? I felt pretty non-productive and stressed.
I left the office with an half hour longer drive home. My son had basketball practice. I barely had time to get home, load him in the car and head on the road. When we got to practice the coach announced that he had to leave early because his son's game was cancelled the night before due to weather and rescheduled for later that night. He asked the parents to take over the practice. There we were, running basketball drills with our kids. After I drove my son back to his house and then home. I was starving. It was almost 9pm.... no supper. I made a piece of peanut butter toast while I cooked some scrambled eggs with veggies. I ate it while watching tv. Then I was thirsty.... drank a vitamin water zero and two glasses of water while watching tv. I really wanted a Coke Zero. I held my ground.
The house was a cluttered mess from having my son there for three days prior. Lots of catching up needing to be done in the housework department. The kitchen was a mess.
My son seems to leave a trail of messes. I have a friend coming over Saturday. I need to clean my house before then. I have a funeral visitation to go to tonight. I am meeting with my friend who just lost her father on Friday. I don't have time to clean my house with my work schedule and these two after work commitments. I am stressing about that.
This morning I get up and go in the bathroom. I notice that the little end piece for the faucet is missing. There is this little end piece that snaps over what looks like a hole that a screw goes into. it is missing. WTH? Where did that go? It was there yesterday morning! Of course my helpful sun cleaned the bathroom with the scrubbing bubble stuff and somehow must have popped that piece off. It is MIA. I looked on the floor, in the cabinet, everywhere. UGH! Really? That will drive me nuts, so now I will need to look into finding a replacement piece which I doubt is available..... or replacing the faucet.
It is ALWAYS something..... and then something more! STRESS!
Now, I am NOT a stress eater. I am a stress non eater. I focus on getting all this stuff done as quickly as possible. I work through lunch, skip dinner..... and then find myself starving. My normal pattern then is to order some quick delivered food like pizza, and to eat it on the couch in front of the tv. I'm exhausted. I don't want to think about anything, not what to eat, how long it will take to cook, none of that. Not to mention that at this point it is usually well beyond the time when I should be eating. If I skip lunch and dinner, I will wake up starving and eat crappy all day to fill that endless feeling of I need to eat.
Soooooo even thought it was a hectic, rather crappy day..... I must say I didn't feel too bad. I let the stress somewhat consume me, which is not good. However, I did grab a healthier option for lunch AND I did take the time to make a somewhat healthy option for dinner. Progress, not perfection. Growth.
However, I did wake up hungry! I weighed myself this morning for my weightloss challenge and found myself up 1.4 pounds. Ugh! I wanted to kick the scale. My head is telling me it was that late night eating and drinking and I'd like to believe that. However the chanting chorus is telling me that I will NEVER reach my goals. A whole bunch of things in which I felt I fell short..... trying to do a job I am not trained to do, having a messy house and kitchen, too many things to do and too little time.
Reality..... I tackled that job and didn't let fear take over and give up. I got some projects done. I will be there for my friend at the funeral visitation which is more important than a clean kitchen and house in my book. Yes, I have a messy house right now, but my friend probably won't care. It is more important to be a good friend, which I am.
Mr Scale, well he doesn't care about what kind of friend I am, what kind of day I had, how late I ate the night before, or why..... he just flashes a number. He does his job. He doesn't sugar coat it, make exceptions or lie. He is brutally honest.
So, no it isn't time to throw in the towel and go eat endless pizza and coke zero. It is time to reflect on what was good, what was not so good, how I reacted to the circumstances I faced. Change come hard. I DID change a little. I CAN change more.