Trying to find my way again
Sunday, January 31, 2016
I went from 291 lb january 2015 to 253 lb in april 2015, and then I gave up. I was doing so well, but I hit this plateau where I wasn't loosing any more weight, I was still exercising and eating well but the weight wasn't coming off anymore, and patience has never been my thing so after a month of being angry and frustrated with my body I just said to hell with it and went back to doing whatever I wanted to do. In my mind the logic I gave myself was, the only reason I'm dieting and exercising is to loose weight, if i'm not loosing weight then why should i put in all this effort for no results?
So here i am again....a year later now weighing 278 lbs. I'm disappointed, I wish i had just kept with it even if i wasn't loosing weight at least those healthy habits I worked so hard to develop, would have remained intact and eventually I'm sure I would have started to loose weight again. Since then I've made excuses... Oh i'll start working on my weight after summer (too many barbecues)....after Halloween (too much candy)...no let's be honest I might as well just wait until after the holidays, and then it was after I graduate college.
So here I sit a college graduate, with not many excuses left up my sleeve. Granted I do have 3 jobs right now, god willing in the next few months i could get that down to two. I really want to loose weight again, I was loving the way my body was starting to look, I was feeling healthier, more rested. But if i'm being honest it was SO much work and dedication, and food prepping, and exercising. What's funny is this is the same problem I've always had, getting started with healthy habits is ALWAYS the hardest part. That initial plunge is the worst, but I know from firsthand experience that after a few weeks, it won't seem so tiresome, or annoying to prep my food, or exercise 3x a week because after a while it because habit..it becomes my lifestyle and it's normal.
While I've tried over the last few months to get back in the swing of things what always takes my breath away is trying to remember and understand what the hell I did last time to make this weight loss stick. I mean last time I drank a smoothie everyday for breakfast, I packed my breakfast and lunch when I was at work, and I exercised at home mostly, sometimes i went to my colleges gym, but I also walked around the park that's across the street from me. The problem is that now it's winter and fruits cost an arm and a leg, and plus there's no way i'm walking around a park in 20 degree weather. I keep trying to do exactly what I did last time and it just doesn't seem to be working the same... I'm thinking I need to find a brand new system that works with my life right now.
One of the biggest differences between this time and last time is that I will NOT be weighing myself as often, if at all. Last time I was addicted to the scale, it gave me such a high looking at it and seeing my weight drop lower and lower. It got to the point where i was weight myself everyday, several times a day. smh. And then when the weight loss stopped, that scale was my worst enemy, guaranteed to put me in a crappy mood for the day. And at the end of the day it was because I stopped seeing results on that damned scale that I gave up. This time I don't want to step foot on a scale. If i eat right and exercise, I know the weight will come off in it's own time, and me watching the scale like a hawk isn't gonna make the pounds come off faster. I just want to focus on getting healthier and feeling the physical differences in my body. Even though I still have my scale, I'm honestly either going to throw it out or bury it in a closet or something.
So today is a new day. I'm going to do everything in my power not to berate myself for my weight loss mistakes last year, and just focus on all the possibilities of this year. This year I just want to be healthy, and keep those habits forever.