Upset.(Insert Pity Party)

Hey spark friends.

Well, this week I was really great. I actually hit a 10 lb loss in less than a month. I cant believe I did that. I've never done that (at least not where i can remember). I have been 100% on my meal plan down to measuring and weighing every single meal. I have worked out 5 days a week doing cardio and lifting.

Yesterday I gained a pound. And this morning I gained another 1.2 lbs.

That hit me. HARD.

To many of you, I'm sure you are thinking 'its just normal body fluctuation' or any other sweet excuse to help me. And I love you for that...to me??

I failed.

And that is making tears come down my face as I write this.

Failure is really hard for me. It drums up my family junk. Where my mother always told me I would fail whenever I wanted to try and do something for myself (run marathons, lose weight, compete in a bodybuilding bikini competition etc) So when I DO fail, I prove her right. She gets another notch in her belt and my self esteem and confidence take a huge hit.

I felt amazing this week, and then to have the gain is like a reminder that I am trying to achieve something ridiculously tough. And the reality is, my mother could be right. I may likely fail. My body hates losing weight (seriously). Drs have TOLD me its going to be tough for me to lose (thank you hormones) and I'm just...

Honestly? I'm having a pity party.

Needed to get this out. Praying I dont emotionally eat or binge today to supress these feelings of failure. So thankful I will be seeing my trainer today. Hoping she can 'jillian michaels' these thoughts right out of me.

Sorry for the downer. Hope you all have an amazing day.