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Week Four Post-Op

Monday, November 30, 2015

So, Mondays are my weigh-in days. Today marks officially 4 weeks post-op for me. It's been a rough 4 weeks, I can tell you that.

Here are the stats:
HW: 466.6
Weight Jan 2015: 460.6
Weight for Pre-Op Diet: 437.8
Weight on day of Surgery: 419.8
Weight Last Week: 391.8
Weight This Week: 393.2

Yeah. That sucks. That's a gain of 1.4 pounds for the week. And I haven't gotten off plan, so I can't tell you why that happened other than my body doesn't take orders well.

Still...

Loss Since Pre-Op Diet: -44.6 pounds
Loss Since Surgery: -26.6 pounds
Total Loss: -73.4 pounds

I have to remember that it's still better than where I started...and pray this stall is just a one week thing.

What else is new?

Healing - This is going well. The only incision left to fully heal over is where my drain was and it's scabbed over really well and should only need about another week or so to be fully healed. Time to start the cocoa butter lotions! Internally I'm doing pretty well. Walking causes a bit of soreness in the belly region, but not so much that I can't walk some. I've decided that this week I'll start parking back in our parking garage (1/4 mile from work) instead of right next to my building in the pay lot. I have planned out to start walking some in the evenings as well with the pups if I can stand it. I am still not 100%. Fatigue hits me pretty hard when I try to live the crazy busy life I've always lived. Yesterday was one of my quick photoshoots (great family I work with once or twice a year), and afterward I needed to lay down and take a hydrocodone since my knees and hips were bothering me pretty bad. I was exhausted and tried to fight the nap since Hubs wanted to hang out a bit, but that just made me more sick and grumpy. Had to finally give in and crash for about an hour.

One unexpected side effect, which could be because of the surgery or the anesthesia or just the trauma of everything - my memory is crap right now. When we went on a small trip last week for work, I forgot nearly everything. And I get REALLY emotional about it because it's a trigger for me. (Long story short, we believe some sort of trauma in my childhood has caused me to repress memories from a certain timeframe in my life and I have ZERO memories for several years - it's like a black hole. It's one reason I try to stay so organized and make a million lists, because my memory was crap and I never want to forget anything again. It's something I really struggle with and have all my life and something I prided myself in overcoming...and now it's back no matter what I try to do to keep it at bay. I honestly suspect it's a side effect from the anesthesia and will eventually come back to me and I'll be alright ...just going to take time.)

Food wise, I've been on track. I read and reread my rules (remember, that memory of mine is crap right now) of Phase III just to make sure I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. The only questionable thing I've eaten is pickles - and I only eat the softer inside part and chew really well...but I suspect after last night that my tummy isn't a fan of pickles right now, so I won't be buying any more of those for a while. So I've been on soft foods for several weeks now. Technically, one month after surgery I can go to Phase 4...which is basically now. I'm taking things very slowly, but I do really want to try salad sometime this week. I'm suspecting I'll have the same problems most people have post-op with leafy greens and it'll be another few months before my sleeve can handle it, but I do want to try at some point. Got to admit...I'm nervous.

I'm nervous about everything. I'm nervous that I didn't lose this week and now I'm supposed to go full diet, which is the point most people stall out. I'm nervous that I'm not up and walking as much as a lot of people are right now. I'm nervous that I'm going to fail...like I've failed everything else.

But I decided something this weekend.

I CANNOT live that way anymore.

I spent so much of my life being overly critical of everything I've ever eaten. I beat myself up over stupid things that are out of my control. I get mad at myself if I'm not ahead of everyone else and leading the pack and doing more than is expected of me.

NO MORE.

I want some peace. Like, full on peace. I want to not have to log every single food I eat and count the bites and micromanage myself to the point of exhaustion. Because the fact of the matter is, I'm pretty good at healthy eating. I'm pretty good at sticking to the rules. And I know what the general rules are. And, as a fellow WLS patient told me last week, THERE IS SIMPLY NO WAY THIS WON'T WORK FOR ME. I AM NOT BROKEN. I need to sit back, relax, and trust the process. I need to bask in these huge decisions I've made and let them guide me to a better future...one where I don't have to overanalyze every single bite. Just follow the rules. Let my sleeve do the rest.

Phase IV rules, the rules for life for me now:

- Each meal should have at least 7g of protein.
- Never eat anything with more than 10g of sugar per serving.
- Eat slowly, chew a lot, take about 15-20 minutes to eat.
- Don't drink 30 minutes before a meal or 60 minutes after.
- Drink 64oz of water every day.
- Eat 4 small meals every day.
- Eat protein first, then veggies, then fruits. Rarely starches.
- Avoid pastas, rice, and breads for at least the first year.
- Solid protein sources are better than liquid ones.

That's it. It's really pretty simple. And it's how I was eating before through my weight loss and my huge stall out of 6 months at 300. If I can just follow these simple rules, my body should do the rest. If the stall lasts several weeks, then I can call the nutritionist and see what I'm doing wrong.

I can't really describe it. I just need life to be easier right now. I've been fighting for a normal life. I got this surgery to get as close as possible to a normal life. And normal people don't overanalyze their macros every single day. Normal people try to make good choices and eat healthy and workout and maintain a healthy lifestyle with simple rules. I need that right now.

I want to focus on my life. On my work. On my family. Of course I want the weight loss, but I NEED to trust the process to give me that. I just paid a lot of money and a great deal of blood, sweat and tears to gain this tool that will help me if I just do what I need to do. One 1.5 pound gain isn't going to kill me. NOT making this decision would have likely killed me. Being turned away from surgery would have likely killed me. I did what I had to do. I have to just keep moving forward and hope that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Time to let up on myself.

TRUST THE PROCESS.

Here we go! On to Phase IV! On to the rest of my life!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FEATHERHEATHER9
    Congrats to you!! I had been checking your blog periodically for your progress. We have similar weight stats (HW:435 SW:402 CW:330) Moving forward with the sleeve is a huge decision and I know you won't regret it. It takes a while to find your rhythm and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. I was sleeved in June... I had the memory issue and have found that it improved after around 4 months. I still struggle sometimes, but I think I can attribute it to my iron deficiency. It's much better when I take the iron pills. Foodwise, I find that I have to stay very low carb to lose. Having the sleeve makes it easier for me to do that since I no longer have a black hole for a stomach... ok I'm rambling. Anyway, I look forward to seeing your updates and hopefully can provide some support if you need. emoticon
    1982 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/2/2015 10:30:17 AM
  • KELLIEBEAN
    You are on the right track. You are definitely not broken so keep repeating that to yourself. You are climbing a mountain right now and you are going to get to the top and have your peace. You have the right mindset and that is half the battle!

    As far as "normal" people. What is normal???

    emoticon

    I know a lot of people I thought of as "normal" and have found they have a lot of stuff goign on in their heads as well. Keep taking those baby steps forward!
    1983 days ago
  • ERIN1128
    Hang in there, you can do this! We're all pulling for you!
    1984 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    Hang in there girl! You have made some big, but awesome decisions for your future health and it will all work out! I think your plan to keep it simple is awesome! And if for some reason the plan needs tweaking I am sure that the nutritionist will know just what to do. You have got this!!
    1984 days ago
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