I am trying so very hard to be positive here. Let's get to the good part and then we'll go from there.
Highest Weight: 466.6
Starting Weight: 460.6
Weight at Pre-Op Diet: 437.8
Surgery Day Weight: 419.8
Current Weight (Sunday's Weigh In): 391.8
So, how do I do my stats? What numbers do I count? This is how I've been handling it.
Weight lost since pre-op diet: 46 pounds
Weight lost in 2015: 68.8 pounds
Total weight lost: 74.8 pounds
The surgery date weight seems less important since it was smack dab in the middle of two weeks of all liquids or clear liquids. That's when the real losing began. Once I get further out, I'll probably just drop it to weight lost since that pre-op diet and then weight lost overall.
So, yea. Good, right? Except, I could add current weight: 392.4.
I don't care that it was a stressful weekend and I was traveling for work and in the car a LOT. I just don't think it's fair to GAIN weight after eating so little only 3 weeks after having weight loss surgery. But when has my life EVER been fair?! *sigh*
So, the thing is...I'm having some mixed emotions. I'm still really sore. I'm still not back to myself. The mental crap of eating three bites (basically) of food is getting to me. The not eating solid foods is getting to me (one more week!). Going out with family and friends and carrying a small bowl of chicken salad or hummus and knowing that's all I will eat. Watching them drink anything other than water makes me want to punch throats. It's all VERY frustrating. Especially when the smallest thing can set off my stomach. My tummy hurts nearly every morning. I was really hoping that would settle since I'm eating basically nothing now. It's not hunger. It's the pains you get when you ate something you weren't supposed to...but I didn't. I just ate. And it still hurts. And it's frustrating.
Most people bounce back much quicker than I have. And I honestly thought I would because I'm such a hard@ss, you know? But I didn't. I'm still struggling. I swam just a tiny bit with my son at the hotel on Sunday night and took a walk with my husband and about DIED yesterday. My stomach hurt. My knees and hips were twinging a bit. I was exhausted and cranky and sore. And the day just went downhill from there. So, two steps forward, three steps back. I'm hoping this next week is better.
I won't be cleared for exercise or anything beyond walking until 6 weeks out. Three more weeks. I know my body needs it, but it's torturing me to think I'm "wasting" three more weeks just walking. But, thankfully, I think I finally can walk and clean and do things that require moving and will burn some extra calories...because the past three weeks have been a whole lot of nothing. I'm not great with nothing. I prefer all the things to none of the things.
So, I'm still having mixed emotions. And I worry that I will until I hit a number I haven't been able to reach on my own. That means if I finally break 300, I'll feel like this was worth it. Reminder: I JUST broke into the 300s. 200s are a long way off! UGH!
Still, trying to stay positive. It's hard. Maybe next week when I start reintroducing foods I'll be a little better. I can go out with friends to eat and not feel too darn awful. I'll be able to start learning how to pick the best thing on the menu (I'm good at this because I did Paleo for so long and that's basically what I'll be doing now) and then figure out how to pick at it most of the meal so no one notices I'm barely eating anything. I figure there will be a lot of "Oh, I'm just not that hungry. I'll take it home and eat it later..." in my future.
I haven't set any goals yet. I honestly don't really know how. I was averaging anywhere from 5-7 pounds a week lost. Right now I'll just be happy to get to my next milestone, which will happen at 387.8...so I could get that this week or next. Just as long as there is no more gaining going on over here. I am putting my scale away now and going back to weighing in once a week. I was doing it nearly every day just to see what my body was doing. Again, no clue what to expect from this. I'll be nervous next week when I start eating "real" food again...but we'll get through it, right!?
One final note...I've decided that Thanksgiving is a sham. In my family it is ALL about the food. Seriously. And I'm so over it this year. I'm making myself one special dish - cheesy potatoes - as low fat as I can get it, eating a small serving for lunch (and maybe one for dinner too) and then spending the rest of the day shopping or editing pictures I took right before I went under the knife. My sons and husband are going up to his parents' house to enjoy the food there, but I just don't have the mental capacity to handle that this year so I've opted out altogether. My family will come home for the cheesy potatoes and I'll be playing Christmas music and putting up decorations and pretending Thanksgiving doesn't exist. Seriously...what IS this holiday even about? I try to be thankful for my family and friends every day of the year, so Thanksgiving can lick my big toe!