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From death to life in 20 days...

Saturday, October 24, 2015



So like most of us I have gained and lost weight several times. I made the mistake of thinking because I didn't feel sick that I wasn't sick. One day out of the blue stomach pain hits. I am at work and cannot focus. It is getting progressively worse and I just have to leave. Anyone who knows me knows I am a workaholic so having to leave against my will was scary. I am NOT a Dr person or at least never was before but for some reason I stopped at the ER thinking they will tell me I am overreacting. I remember swiping my card then I woke up 14 days later in ICU with IV's everywhere. Apparently I was at death's door and didn't even know it. The next several days are full of fear and extremely intense hallucinations. Once they reduced my pain meds I started to become clear headed again and looking around I realize that I have been here for a while. There are cards and fake flowers on the windowsill. I had missed Valentine's day :/ How did that happen? What the hell is going on? I was SO confused. I needed to go to the bathroom...why couldn't i move my legs? The panic hit me like a ton of bricks. Over the next several days family and nurses started filling in the blanks. I had gotten severe acute pancreatitis, I had diabetes that were out of control, my lipase was over 16,000, blood sugar in the 300's and that is just the beginning. So during the lost time I had to have emergency dialysis through my jugular vein, had to be intubated, had a dangerously high fever for days and wouldn't wake up. Every Dr I have seen sense then says.."I saw you, we could not figure out why you had a fever" Apparently I am going in the books, not for a reason I would choose even though I did do just that inadvertently. Over the next week I am focused on getting strength back. At this point I cannot walk alone or even sit up and this pisses me off beyond belief. I have never been hospitalized or had to depend on someone else for something like going to the bathroom
:((. I couldn't work, pay my bills, feed my piggie or even hold a cup. I do not care if I cannot walk I want to leave this place and ignore all of this. Everyone keeps looking at me like I am a ghost! Apparently not one person treating me expected me to live. Now granted they didn't know how mind numbingly stubborn I can be. Finally, after several more days and battles if will they set me free! It didn't stop there of course. I couldn't drive and could still barely walk. I couldn't cook, hold my phone or even lift my arms to wash my hair. The noise that hit me when I exited the hospital was deafening and terrifying I wanted to turn around and go right back to the safety of ICU! By now there is no way they are letting me back in...pull out one feeding tube and your "trouble" lol. SO fast forward a few more weeks and I have survived intense nightmares, sleeping with the light on and am finally back to work. More hours than I should be but as I said before I am a workaholic and stubborn, I just wanted my life back. My life as I have come to appreciate some 7 months later will NEVER be the same. It will always be pre/ post ICU. I consider myself one of the luckiest people that have ever lived! I will tell you that being forced to rely on others was a humbling and eye opening experience that I would not trade for the world. Those men and women who saved my life...that unique blend of 1/2 angel and 1/2 warrior that includes everyone from family, medical staff and the poor cleaning lady who understood that I just couldn't keep anything down. I made a promise to all of them and myself to NEVER disrespect their efforts to save a girl who wasn't even willing to workout and save herself. Lesson here is life is precious, people love you and every single moment you have another chance to make a difference in your life and the lives of others. LIVE BOLDLY MY FELLOW SPARKERS!!


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