Beginning Again ~
Monday, August 31, 2015
Dear Spark Friends,
Well life has been rough and I really fell off the wagon of healthy habits! How frustrating this journey toward wellness has been - I keep starting and stopping! I want to get started and be persistent - I am tired of not feeling good; tired of feeling tired; tired of feeling stressed. So, we are all stressed - right??? This is true, but after suffering losses of my mother-in-law after at least five years of dementia and a year of being semi-comatose, and the loss of her brother unexpectedly three weeks prior to her death, and the life-threatening illness of cancer with metastasis to the pancreas, along with both of my 20-something children moving out and my son engaged to a girl who has pulled him away from the family, I have been sad - just down right out sad! So, woe is me! Well the woe is me is not getting me very far.
My mother has been extremely demanding all my life - she is OCD to boot - so you can only imagine how challenging it has been to deal with her being ill. On a good day, my mother lives as though there is a crisis and I can only stand limited doses - and now with a true crisis, it is just crazy!!!
I still love the Lord, but am challenged to give these struggles over to Him. I don't know how to let go. I am in counseling with a Christian counselor and that has helped immensely. Depression with suicidal ideations is a very painful place to be. I have been living there, but I have made plans to pick myself up.
In the middle of September, I am going away to a fitness place - Hilton Head Health - to submerge myself in a healthy environment and to get away from the stress for awhile. I have decided that I might revisit this place every couple months with it being a check-in place to be accountable. I look back at where I was in the spring of 2013 when I was motivated and committed to taking care of myself and I know that I need and want to return to that place. Afterall, if we don't take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of anyone else! So, I am actually looking at tomorrow, September 1, as the start of my new effort. I am planning to take some babysteps so that I can get myself ready to enjoy the Hilton Head Health experience.
Sparkies, thanks for listening! I suspect that I will be blogging more often than I have in the past! Afterall, a definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I want to avoid being in a state of insanity! I did not take advantage of blogging in the past - so this might be a new strategy that I add to my arsenal for this battle for good health!
Please, pray for me!