I wasn't honest with myself
Friday, August 28, 2015
Today I weighed myself. Lost a pound. WHoo hoo!! Not all the pounds but at least one. I will take it. But it got me thinking, what about the pounds I have lost (and found) ? When I started my SP journey I was determined. I was stoked to feel better about myself by being thin. Well guess what? Thinness does not equal happiness. Yes I am still a fluffy queen but compared to where I was a few short years ago, I am much happier. Honesty.
I also started thinking about honesty on SP. When I started nursing school, my weight ballooned, then after nursing school it exploded to 308 big buttery pounds. I loved the "I'm stressed!!" excuse. I was. But, not a great excuse really. So I found work eventually and my weight decreased a bit. Yay! Then I became stressed and emotional again. I didn't care about myself b/c I was too busy caring for everyone else. I also stopped weighing in and posting on SP because I was ashamed. I gained almost 60 pounds while I saw others losing. I thought I was a failure while I cheered others. I didn't get that everyone is unique in weightloss and I compared myself badly. I am on my own journey. I am discovering what works for me. I am going to be open. Honesty.
I finally landed my dream job. I wasa real nurse, not just a real nurse but a CHARGE nurse. I had to be away from my family most of the week but I was making it happen. And then I really started to lose the pounds. Not in a healthy manner, but just by not eating and walking almost constantly for 12-15 hour shifts. Today I did the math and figured I have lost 64 pounds. 64 !!! I didn't even realize it. I thought I was just going to be the big nurse on the unit forever. But I am doing it, even better, now I am doing it in a healthy way. Am I going to rapidly lose the rest of my goal? Nope. Can I? Probably. But it will take work. Honesty.
I was over 300 pounds. Now I am becoming healthier and happier. Healthier because I am making better choices, happier because I feel better about myself OVERALL. I can be honest about how bad it got. And why. I know I have to fight it daily. I know I will slip. I know I can. Honesty.