So what regain does to you physically is the obvious part.
It can make you feel bloated, heavier, uncomfortable.... It can make your clothes fit tighter (or make you go up a size), it can mess with your health... and it is just an all around unpleasant experience.
I am dealing with the physical right now... the tight pants (my work pants are not happy)... I feel truly heavy and uncomfortable. It's crazy because I weighed 70 pounds more than I do now only a few years ago... and I don't remember feeling THIS uncomfortable. I guarantee I was even more uncomfortable, but as time went on I have sort of forgotten what it feels like. I may have to go back and read some of my older blogs so I can remember more vividly. But I also know back then I had nothing to compare it to. Now that I have been 20 pounds smaller than I am now, this 20 pounds feels like a lot more. It is weighing me down physically... but also mentally.
Yep, messing with us mentally is the not so obvious way regain can screw us up. The regain is really getting me down and defeated. Mentally I am feeling like such a failure. How did I let this happen? I ate poorly yet again... yes I don't enjoy reporting my failures, but lying doesn't get me anywhere either.
I just feel like I have lost the ability to lose weight. Logically, I know that's a load of bull.
I know exactly how to lose it, I know I can, I know that I WANT it, but this regain is really starting to mess with me. I have to figure out more of what is holding me back and why I am so scared of change.
Chatting with a good Spark friend... scratch that, a good FRIEND period, Lynn (Lynn-LovesLife7)... and she always makes me think. Just by talking and sharing she makes me think and I started to realize more of what is holding me back.
I'm afraid of not being fat. Counterproductive since I hate being fat... but I've always been fat, it's all that I know! I don't know how to be unfat!
I don't know realistically how far I can get. My lowest was 181 for two seconds, 184 for a week... I don't know if I'm capable of being in the 160's. Physically, I know I can get there, mentally is another story.
What if I get to my goal and am still not comfortable in my body? Yes I will get my tummy fixed, because the apron has to go... but what if I'm still not comfortable? I don't mind the vanity part, the jiggly arms, thighs, whatever. But what if I'm just not comfortable in this skin/body I have?
Will I be able to keep it off? I haven't been able to fail at maintenance because I haven't gotten to that point yet. I did good keeping it to a 10 pound regain for almost 2 years, but now it's crept up to 20... what if that happens after my tummy tuck?
The regain is really making me doubt everything, but I know I can't let the regain win. The regain will just pile on top of itself until I'm at an all new starting weight if I don't take action. I had never been of those "new month, new start" kinds of people... but maybe for August I am one of those people. Maybe I will just put one foot in front of the other, one day, one step at a time and see what happens. If I'm actively trying, things can only go up from here, (and the scale down!)
Quick edit: I know some of you will answer this blog with "What are you going to do to fix it?" or something similar so in an effort to start off August on the right foot... Sparky got a short walk already!
My food is packed for work, and I have my smoothie ready to be blended in the morning so it's fool proof. Preparation is key!