Okay, don't kick my tushy since I am on my "Sparkpeople mini time out",
... but today I got up and had an idea and I just want to think out loud. If you want to chime in by all means go ahead, but I just want to get this down somewhere to have for me. I have to say that it's funny the second I step back and remove the pressure of sharing/blogging etc... things start to pop up in this head of mine....
For starters, I am back in Twoterville. That is very HARD for me to admit because when I got to Onederland I vowed never to leave. I am at 202, there I said it. Step one is accepting how far down the rabbit hole I have gone. My very lowest was 181 (for 4 seconds) my lowest weight that I was for more than 4 seconds was 184. Based on that I am up 18 pounds from my lowest.
This is me, hitting the panic button! In the 3 1/2 years on this journey I have never regained more than 15 pounds. I am really seeing the pattern. I would gain 10, lose it, the next time it'd get to 11 or 12 before losing it again. This time I had gotten up to 15 pounds of regain and though oh crap, I gotta get it turned around. I would do well for a while and then fall off again. Now I am very unhappily sitting on an 18 pound gain. So this has to
now. I know what I want to do moving forward in terms of food, but I was sitting here brainstorming about what direction I want my journey to go in.
I know that I am not one of those people that wants to wipe out my Spark Page to start fresh. I am so proud of what I have accomplished, I have received so much love and support and I'd never want to erase that. I've also still lost 70 pounds (at this point) and I don't want to just toss that aside. I want to be proud of my entire journey, and this is one continuous journey for me. The last 3 1/2 years, I have never quit... I've screwed up but never quit. But I am thinking this is going to be Volume 2 of my journey.
The first Volume started March 20, 2012. I lost 80 pounds, got to Onederland, bounced around, went back up, got to 90 lost, went back up, down, up... well, you get the point! Phase one had a lot of milestones, a lot of NSV and scale victories and was definitely quite the ride. But for me this journey is mostly a mind game.
The physical in theory is easy, eat less, move more, blah blah blah! It's the mental part of this journey that keeps me bouncing around, that gets me stressed out from time to time and makes me down right exhausted. I have come a long way in both the mental and physical aspects, but I still have my struggles and my faults.
I mean I'm sitting here at the Onederland boarder trying to explain to Boarder Patrol that I don't belong in Twoterville! I belong in Onederland, I never wanted to leave, this is some sort of freak accident. The Boarder Patrol guy wasn't having it, he said that Jack In The Box you've been eating tells a different story, and proves that I VERY MUCH wanted to be in Twoterville. Well crap.
I hate it when I'm wrong!
So here's where I'm going moving forward... I'm going to revamp my page, not wipe it out, but revamp it. I am going to make a new ticker reflecting the 37 pounds I want to lose. I am going to give my Volume 2 a starting date... of course it is just a continuation of my journey, but having a date wold be helpful. Then someday Volume 3 can have a start date when I get to the maintenance part of my journey.
I'm also going to temporarily empty out my "pounds to lose/pounds lost" jar to reflect the last 37 pounds, and at the end of this journey all the old marbles can be added back in. This really is a mental game for me. I have been at this for so long that maybe shaking this all up will be that little mind trick that gets me back in the game! Wish me luck, I'm sure going to need it.
Now I'm off to revamp my page and I am thinking tomorrow will be the start date for Volume 2. I never was a fan of starting on the 1st of the month.
Revamped Marble Jar: (1 marble for each 1/2 pound, and the old pounds lost ones waiting to rejoin the party LOL)