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Hitting The Panic Button... (Onederland Boarder Patrol)

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Tuesday, July 28, 2015


Okay, don't kick my tushy since I am on my "Sparkpeople mini time out", emoticon... but today I got up and had an idea and I just want to think out loud. If you want to chime in by all means go ahead, but I just want to get this down somewhere to have for me. I have to say that it's funny the second I step back and remove the pressure of sharing/blogging etc... things start to pop up in this head of mine....

For starters, I am back in Twoterville. That is very HARD for me to admit because when I got to Onederland I vowed never to leave. I am at 202, there I said it. Step one is accepting how far down the rabbit hole I have gone. My very lowest was 181 (for 4 seconds) my lowest weight that I was for more than 4 seconds was 184. Based on that I am up 18 pounds from my lowest.



This is me, hitting the panic button! In the 3 1/2 years on this journey I have never regained more than 15 pounds. I am really seeing the pattern. I would gain 10, lose it, the next time it'd get to 11 or 12 before losing it again. This time I had gotten up to 15 pounds of regain and though oh crap, I gotta get it turned around. I would do well for a while and then fall off again. Now I am very unhappily sitting on an 18 pound gain. So this has to emoticon now. I know what I want to do moving forward in terms of food, but I was sitting here brainstorming about what direction I want my journey to go in.

I know that I am not one of those people that wants to wipe out my Spark Page to start fresh. I am so proud of what I have accomplished, I have received so much love and support and I'd never want to erase that. I've also still lost 70 pounds (at this point) and I don't want to just toss that aside. I want to be proud of my entire journey, and this is one continuous journey for me. The last 3 1/2 years, I have never quit... I've screwed up but never quit. But I am thinking this is going to be Volume 2 of my journey.

The first Volume started March 20, 2012. I lost 80 pounds, got to Onederland, bounced around, went back up, got to 90 lost, went back up, down, up... well, you get the point! Phase one had a lot of milestones, a lot of NSV and scale victories and was definitely quite the ride. But for me this journey is mostly a mind game.

The physical in theory is easy, eat less, move more, blah blah blah! It's the mental part of this journey that keeps me bouncing around, that gets me stressed out from time to time and makes me down right exhausted. I have come a long way in both the mental and physical aspects, but I still have my struggles and my faults.

I mean I'm sitting here at the Onederland boarder trying to explain to Boarder Patrol that I don't belong in Twoterville! I belong in Onederland, I never wanted to leave, this is some sort of freak accident. The Boarder Patrol guy wasn't having it, he said that Jack In The Box you've been eating tells a different story, and proves that I VERY MUCH wanted to be in Twoterville. Well crap. emoticon I hate it when I'm wrong!

So here's where I'm going moving forward... I'm going to revamp my page, not wipe it out, but revamp it. I am going to make a new ticker reflecting the 37 pounds I want to lose. I am going to give my Volume 2 a starting date... of course it is just a continuation of my journey, but having a date wold be helpful. Then someday Volume 3 can have a start date when I get to the maintenance part of my journey.

I'm also going to temporarily empty out my "pounds to lose/pounds lost" jar to reflect the last 37 pounds, and at the end of this journey all the old marbles can be added back in. This really is a mental game for me. I have been at this for so long that maybe shaking this all up will be that little mind trick that gets me back in the game! Wish me luck, I'm sure going to need it. emoticon Now I'm off to revamp my page and I am thinking tomorrow will be the start date for Volume 2. I never was a fan of starting on the 1st of the month. emoticon


Revamped Marble Jar: (1 marble for each 1/2 pound, and the old pounds lost ones waiting to rejoin the party LOL)


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HEATHERFREE
    Yay!
    2098 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2015 11:26:21 PM
  • WHYTEBROWN
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2149 days ago
  • no profile photo JSEATTLE
    I think you're smart and right to start fresh. Like the beginning of a school year, the possibilities are endless. I'm with you all the way to Disneyland and back.
    2152 days ago
  • VEG954
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2152 days ago
  • FREELY-LYNN77
    Well explained and done. I'm just in love with your page.
    2153 days ago
  • SOOZIEQUE55
    Thanks for sharing. It definitely is a mental mind game. I have been tackling the same 5-10 lbs and realize I too need to revamp bit and get more focused. We are in it together and you can get through your new Vol. 2. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    emoticon emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • KOHINOOR2
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Good luck. Thank you for sharing.
    2153 days ago
  • ZELLAZM
    Come to Germany. We don't have Jack-in-the-Box here. JK! emoticon
    Great blog and great "tude. Now to work the plan.
    2153 days ago
  • BEACHCALSIX
    LOVE this blog! emoticon
    Great way to revamp your journey and get the motivation going again.
    I loooooove Jack in the box. It's hard for me to stay away. I've been counting the days lol. I can pass mcdonalds and the others but jack in the box......argh.
    love the jars with the stones for the pounds lost! The cinderella topper is so cute!
    I like how you put it in phases too, great way to look at it so you can continue the same journey but also revamp it too! emoticon emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • AQUAGIRL08
    I am having the same issue. Yikes!
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13244701
    I'm right there with you! I don't like the idea of "starting over" from scratch, because we're not where we first started - it really is just another chapter in the same journey. You've done it before, and you can certainly do it again - we're rooting for you!
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13636475
    emoticon I am right there with you. Volume 2 is a great way to think of your journey. Hang in there, you will succeed! emoticon emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • DSHONEYC
    You go girlfriend. emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • SHOAPIE
    emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Good luck!

    I'm right there with you. I gained 20 pounds and I'm back over 200. Been playing around for too long and lying to myself. Since I gave away all my big clothes, I have nothing to wear that isn't too tight. I decided to just DO IT--track my food, my exercise, my weight. Drag myself, kicking and screaming if I have to, through each day, one day at a time. I know I can do this. You can do this!
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13261292
    I was carrying a 42 pound container of cat litter last Friday - which is pretty darn heavy for me - and it occurred to me. I carry that much extra weight every day. I tend to be a side-liner when it comes to weight loss. I read your blogs, and others, and my renewed vow to get my butt in gear lasts about 30 minutes. Your continuing saga of weight loss is fun for me to read about. Not that I think your struggle is funny, but you have such a fun way of presenting your progress (or regress). Hang in there and keep blogging! One of these days, something you say may get me through a full day of healthy living - lol/
    2153 days ago
  • ASCHU2
    I've gained 30 lbs back from my lowest weight and I'm fighting back there! I'm focusing on my habits and trying to not focus so much on the number. I'm on your team! You can do it!
    2153 days ago
  • JENNIFER0807
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    2153 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    Love the marble jar idea. It's a great visual.
    They say, weight loss happens between our ears :) Discovering how to get our mind right is tricky and definitely a journey of many ups and downs.
    I think you've discovered an important part of this when you wrote that as soon as you ease up on yourself and decide to step back a little and remove the pressure you're putting onto yourself things become clearer. All we can do is move ahead, one step at a time. You've got this, Steph!
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12915013
    What a great plan. emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • DEBIGENE
    GREAT ideas. Getting a fresh outlook, with new ideas is such a good way to go. Your determination will take you there and you have all the support a gal could ask for !!! It's all a matter of letting your mind take control, you can do it.

    Make it happen !!!!
    2153 days ago
  • BABYBARNEY
    It all starts in the head...what a great plan to change things up & set up a NEW plan of success...that will keep the body guessing!!!
    2153 days ago
  • BBEAGAN
    Hey, great idea! You can do this, you know what works for you. Say good bye to the Twos!
    2153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14907109
    Stephanie, emoticon emoticon
    2153 days ago
  • IDICEM
    emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    I love your thinking and your blog and am right here with you emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    great blog way to go all the best you can do it
    2154 days ago
  • PJDANIELS
    I am finding that this journey is definitely two steps forward and one step back. It's okay as long as we make progress, however slow. It is a learning experience and must be or we will not sustain a healthy lifestyle. You are learning ,and in your own way. Keep it up,, you got this, it just may take longer than you expected. --pam
    2154 days ago
  • BETRHO48
    It is my personal opinion from my personal experience (the yo-yo of all yo-yos) that this weight management thing has a whole lot to do with mental status and attitude. I know I just have to think like a healthy person!
    I am right there with you, Steph-Knee!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    ~Beth
    2154 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Praying you get this "mental" part of your journey figured out! Your blog has gotten me to thinking I might need to start fresh. Anyhoo, you'll do great! I'm here to cheer you back to Onderland! emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • LILLYROSEGRAM
    Enjoyed reading your thoughts about your journey. You gave me a lot to think about for my own journey.

    You have a lot to be proud of, so I am happy you aren't wiping out your accomplishments until now and starting over. You can do this!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • STRONGCOURAGE
    So glad you blogged, was thinking of you today (when I was doing dishes lol! this afternoon & said a prayer that you'd have clarity & a plan) So glad you were able to have a release :) And I hear you on the mental aspect...I think my last blog was about that. A lot of it now is a HUGE mental thing. I've lost 88 lbs...but had got to 94 lbs (154lbs was my lowest in November 2014, but it was just barely (only one day/weigh in time) But I would like to get back down there, but its a lot of this mental messages..and its not so much about the #'s but making sure I'm living healthy and things follow ( you can see my blog :) So I hear you! But we can do this...and those are awesome ideas of revamp page, twist to the marbles etc. I can feel the beat alive in you! Have an awesome week!!! emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14034154
    Steph,

    I love it when you brain storm! You're a person that is very literal, yet funny and I love it. You go ahead and revamp EVERYTHING, and I'll be your cheerleader emoticon as you make it back down to onderland! You go, young lady!

    Blessings!

    - Nancy Jean -
    GA
    2154 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13365327
    I love this mental shift!

    I've had to "re-do" my SP journey countless times... I think I've had about 3 pages since 2006?

    I wish I had kept my progress - I don't even remember my original user name! Since having this account, I've been tempted to start over but decided not to go through with it. I've instead just hit the "reset" button.

    emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • WALNUTT1961
    It is a mental game. Good Luck! You will kick this!
    2154 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    Love it! You are so clever with your ideas! Yes, get ahead of the mental game, because we KNOW you can do this! You've got the tools and the smarts!!!I can't wait to see your new and improved page! I'm with you in this!
    2154 days ago
  • BAHAMAMARG
    As usual, how brave of you to own up and not keeping burrowing down the hole!

    Don't give up, don't give in you just have to grab what you want and hold on to it.
    2154 days ago
  • BTRFLYDOG
    emoticon You have a great plan. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • ADARKARA
    I love this idea! I'm in your corner, Steph! Come join me in... Mt. Maintenance? Maintenanceburg? Maintenance City? Man, these suck. emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • MARINGAL
    Weight is psychological and eating is a symptom. If you want to lose weight and keep it off you have to figure out why you gain the weight you lose. You really honestly need to figure out your inner soul, forgiving the past and living in the present. Good luck!
    2154 days ago
  • DAILYCHOICES
    It definitely sounds like it's time to perhaps revise your goals. It sounds like you have a good plan as long as you leave Jack In the Box out of it emoticon You've accomplished so much already and obviously you have the will power. You just have to stay focused and I know you'll reach your ultimate goal. Your Spark Friends are here cheering you on! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    You have an awesome plan! My dear, I am SOOOOOOOooooo glad you're getting back on board @ the destination you're @ right now instead of determining to go back to the very beginning. You HAVE accomplished a helluva lot and you are, IMHO, making the right decision.

    You know you have lots of love and support and we're here for yo. Always.
    2154 days ago
  • FRANCES-AGAPE
    emoticon emoticon
    Excellent recap of the situation

    emoticon
    You've proven it and
    WiLL AGAIN - for good!

    emoticon
    You are NOT ALONE
    We are rooting for you !

    emoticon
    of your new Volume 2
    emoticon

    Peace, Love and Blessings !


    2154 days ago
  • SHAWFAN
    emoticon Idea!! emoticon emoticon
    2154 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    emoticon You are right this is a mental game! Put your emergency brake on and lose no more ground!!
    2154 days ago
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