Reset day 45: Lethargic and Walking Wednesday
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Yesterday it was inspired.... today, lethargic! That old pendulum just keeps swinging. Positive side, it won't stay here.
After work yesterday, I had a nice dinner with my friend. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had chicken and rice. I ate half my dinner and boxed the rest. We had them hold that basket of chips, so no temptation there!
James Taylor put on a great show. Funny how I always seem amazed to see how those people in my generation have aged (I don't think I have a bit). The crowd was a mix, but mostly people with graying hair - probably more AARP members than college kids! The great part was to see the younger people enjoying the music of my generation. At times I just closed my eyes and imagined it was just me that James was singing too.
I got home a tad bit late and went right to bed. Today it was a challenge getting up. I was tired. I didn't want to. I wanted to sleep another couple hours. Begrudgingly I got up and went to work.
I have a lot to do at work. I am leaving for vacation at the end of the week. I feel like the time will run out before the work will! I am trying to ration it, but I am starting to feel the pressure.
My steps yesterday were 5.7 miles.... which was under my 7 mile average on my virtual walk. I lost ground again. UGH! I hate losing ground.
Top that off with one of those quick glances in the mirror last night and catching myself at an unflattering angle - which made me feel horribly fat and unattractive. To that add an email from a guy friend who is doing weight watchers and lost 6.75 pounds last week. Yep, in one week. I said congrats to him - but I am really jealous! I can't even seem to move 6.75 lbs in a month! I am still struggling with learning how to eat on vacation and in social situations. Good, balanced nutrition is still my major problem. I continue to make food choices that hold me back. Add to that one of my coworker/friends telling me she has dropped 9 lbs this week for a total of 31 lbs in the past month. Now I know she is pretty much not eating. She is going through some marital problems and her husband told her that her weight is a big issue with him. Between the stress and his comment, she is bent to lose the weight any way she can. She is skipping meals, barely eating and dropping lbs. I know she will hit a wall soon. Her body will go into starvation mode, but for now, it is dropping pounds. I know not to compare myself to her unhealthy attempt to be thin..... but my head still goes there.
This journey is paralleling where I was on the virtual hike in the high Sierra's..... steep hills, waist deep snow, every step challenging, raging streams to cross where one wrong step wisks you away in the wrong direction. I'm feeling exhausted, weary, and tested. In fact, I feel like I am standing here in those shredded pants, blown out hiking boots, no walking poles, no sunglasses.... and I just want to sit down. Not sure if I want to quit or cry.... or both! Where's that bus stop where I can get on the bus to take me away from all this?
Oh, but wait, if I get on that bus, the next day I will miss this. I will always wonder what would have happened if I didn't quit. I will always wonder if I could have finished the journey. I will miss all those cool little things along the way like the 420 pinecones, the pilepost monument and the breathtaking views. I will miss all those cool people I have met along the way. I will feel like a failure for giving up. After all, I have everything I need to make this journey. There is nothing those who have completed this journey had that I don't. I KNOW I can do this. I am just doubting myself because I am tired and weary. I KNOW there will be those adrenaline filed days ahead where I feel like I can conquer the world. It really isn't that bad. It's just my perception today. It's clouded.
So, where do I go from here?
Well, I know this will seem a bit odd..... but I have decided to declare today Walking Wednesday. I am setting my goal to reach a minimum of 7 miles today, hopefully closer to 10. A good walk with the dog, a little cardio on the treadmill.... just what I need to at least get one thing back on track.
Getting one thing back on track will help fuel my belief in myself. I just need to SEE one thing tangible that I am moving in the right direction. I know this is something I can do and so I will!
After my walk, I am going to take a shower, put my feet up, pat myself on the back and rest!
Quit doubting Barb. You are right where you are supposed to be. Quit looking at others and focus on YOUR path! You are in complete control!