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Reset Day 43: 50 shades of popcorn

Monday, July 13, 2015

I had a busy weekend. I worked a fundraiser Saturday - my job was to take money at the door and sell tickets for food. So, I sat on my butt from 9-5:30 with little time to get up and stretch. Not the best for getting steps in! However, a wonderful thing happened and someone donated $300 to our cause totally unexpected!

Afterwards, I had a meeting to attend at 6:30 and then met my friend and her neighbor for girls movie night in. My friend recently had brain surgery to remove a tumor and is doing remarkably well physically, but struggling with some emotional things. She was wanting to see Fifty Shades of Grey but couldn't make it to the movies while it was released - so we told her we would have a girls movie night when she felt up to it. Saturday was movie night! Yippee! It was good to get together again.

My food choices during the day were limited. By the time I got a brief break to eat at the fundraiser the only food left was walking tacos - so I had one. Talk about sodium. I swear between the salty taco meat and the fritos - it was certainly overkill - but I ate it! I had a protein bar on my way to my meeting.

I was tired when I met my friends to watch the movie at 9pm. The gal who was hosting us made some popcorn. I was thinking she'd throw a bag in the microwave. She got out the pan and made popcorn from scratch - then she melted a whole stick of butter, added some parmesan cheese and some other kind of cheese, wisked it up and drizzled it over the popcorn. To that she added seasoned pepper and sea salt. It was yummy! Warm, buttery, cheesy goodness! I ate it - a lot of it! Dang I'm glad I don't know her secret recipe for that buttery, cheesy topping! However my nutritional content for the day sucked. Not much in the fruit/vegetable department! Is popcorn a vegetable? Probably not, huh.

I didn't get a walk in Saturday. I didn't even get in 10,000 steps - I was about a 2,500 steps short of my 12,000 step goal. Two misses in the goal department (nutrition/exercise). Positive, I drank all my water!

Sunday was a beautiful day. I got up and my stomach was on the fritz. I was going to walk the dog, but after multiple bathroom trips in a short period of time, I didn't dare. I ended up napping on the couch. I was crampy and just not feeling 100%. At noon, I finally left the couch and decided to at least sit out on the porch and read. It was too nice out to let such a beautiful day slip away! I got my book and headed to the porch, sat down only to see some weeds peeking up in my garden - which led me outdoors. I pulled some weeds, trimmed a bush that was getting too bushy and then moved to the front garden. I watered and fertilized the flowers. I felt exhausted just from that little bit of activity. Not sure what was up. That is so not me. I headed back indoors, ate a bowl of soup and turned on the tv. I fell asleep on the couch around 8pm, woke up only to head upstairs to bed.

My step count? A dismal 4,070. Two days in a row of being well under my step goal. Another nutritional flop day. Not many fruits and veggies again. My stomach was too rocky and I was sticking to soup, saltine crackers and blah white bread.

Being an obsessive numbers person, that is driving me crazy. I knew Saturday would be a challenge, but thought I would compensate on Sunday and get in extra steps to account for what I missed. Instead I got in about half what I got in on Saturday! HOW COULD I LET THAT HAPPEN?

I got up today and wanted to hop on the scale to see where I am. I fought the urge. I looked in the mirror and I wanted to smack that girl looking back at me! However I looked into her eyes and said "It's ok, you did some good things this weekend! It's ok not to be perfect. I got your back. Let's do the best we can today." I hope someday I will be able to not have such high expectations of myself, that I will be able to fall short of a goal and move on without going through this internal emotional struggle. I mean really Barb, it's not the end of the world! In the big picture, it is one small particle.

Well, that silly mean girl chorus keeps coming up in my head. They keep telling me I am a failure. You know what? They might be right. But for now, this isn't over. There is today. Today, I am going to put forth my best effort.

Today my stomach is still a bit shaky. It's thunderstorming out there. There will be no lunch hour walk. Tonight I'm supposed to have softball with my son, so I MAY have another light day in the step department. I will do my best to reach my goal today. However, I know that if I do not reach my goal today it does not mean I am a failure. As long as I am trying, I will not consider myself a failure.

Stay focused Barb, you have everything you need to complete this journey. Focus on today. One foot in front of the other. It's ok to move slowly some days. Don't focus on those shortcomings, focus on the good things. The wonderful person who made a donation to a good cause, the fact that your friend is alive and survived a brain tumor and was able to laugh and share a bowl of popcorn over a movie. It's ok to take a moment and enjoy those beautiful flowers in your garden on a beautiful day. Life is good. Never let those little shortcomings cast a shadow on the good things! Deep breath. Smile and enjoy! Come on, we have places to go now.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD14034154

    Young lady, God just asks for your best, and each day your best is different, as we're in these frail imperfect bodies. Your best may change because of you taking care of your DS, DH, yourself, rejoicing in the Lord, or just helping other folks. Not you or anybody else has the right to ask more than your best, as that's all that God asks of you is your best. Don't over ride God, just rest in Him, as you do your best, no matter what it is.

    You're doing an AMAZING job and you have no concern as to what your treat days may be. We all should treat ourselves every now and then. Keep up the good work, as YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!!


    - Nancy Jean -
    2172 days ago
    You are doing great, so don't try to second guess yourself.

    No one (and I do mean NO ONE) is perfect, always accomplishes what they intended or never has a slip. Live is far to short to obsess over trying to be or do perfect and we definitely need to take the time to follow the old cliché of "smelling the roses". I'm glad you enjoyed some time in the garden and saw firsthand the generosity of a stranger.
    2173 days ago
  • SAM_I_AM_2K
    You are SO NOT a failure! You spent time doing important things (fundraising, supporting a healing friend, taking care of YOURSELF). It's ok when immediate priorities overtake the long term goals - just regroup when you can (let your body heal) and get back on the trail.
    You are so strong!
    2173 days ago
    Some good self talk going on there (to counteract the mean girl stuff that I hear in my head as well). Good job, looking for the positives. I hope your tummy gets back to normal. I know how hard it is when you don't feel well.
    2173 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13423552
    Wow, you are getting to be a lot more understanding of yourself Barb. I knew this day would come! You work so hard and you need to give yourself a break sometimes! Hang in there and you are doing great!

    2173 days ago
  • LSIG14
    I laugh because counting popcorn as a vegetable is almost the same as counting zucchini bread or carrot cake (both of which I've tried!) Being sick does not mean failure at exercise or nutrition - it's simply doing what you need to do for self-care! I am amazed at what an active life you lead and still worry about steps numbers - if you're totally sedentary like me, then numbers do become important to make sure you don't end up in a wheelchair. I think you've got a pretty good handle on where you want to go - and numbers don't give you the whole picture! Relax and enjoy your kids - all too soon they'll be grown and gone.

    2173 days ago
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