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Reasons for change

Saturday, July 04, 2015

I'm not going to sit here and lie to myself. I dread the journey ahead of me and the work that I have to do, but just because I dread it doesn't mean I wont be successful or enjoy it along the way. I am generally a happy-go-lucky, positive person but sometimes I use my optimism as a way to disguise how I am feeling and lie to myself. So, I'm just going to be honest.

I am afraid of failure, and afraid of success. I really dislike the gym, but enjoy most of my workouts when I am there. I'm afraid of my next workout because it has been so long, and I am really overweight...I know I wont be at the same fitness level as before, and that "failure" or set back bothers me. A lot. As negative as all of this sounds, it's also really refreshing. I am looking these things in the face and able to deal with them instead of hiding behind my usual "I can do this, it'll be fun!" words. I can do this, but I already know that. It's the WILL I DO THIS that I should be more concerned about.

So why am I doing this again?
1. Because I am 236 pounds. And I'm not shocked by that number, even though I should be. I have been a little depressed and haven't been caring as much, but am working to change that. Exercising can help :)

2. My younger sister is getting married and I'm her maid-of-honor. I want to look beautiful in the dress she chooses for me, and although I already will, I want to FEEL beautiful in it. Exercising will help with that, as will improving my diet.

3. The bachelorette party (in 3 weeks time) and the wedding reception (in 7 weeks)...I want to be able to have more stamina and be able to dance and have fun without being tired and sore. Three weeks should be long enough to help make a difference, and I know 7 months will be for sure!

4. My Graduation. I've worked my butt off this year...well actually I'be worked it on LOL! My college graduation is in 7 weeks, and I want to feel freaking awesome for it!

5. Last on the list may be one of the most important of them all. My relationships. This includes my relationship with my boyfriend and myself. I want to be the best me I can be, for myself, my health and for him. I don't want the way I feel about my body to affect my relationship any more than it has.

6. I have some hormone issues, and losing weight will help with that :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NEPTUNE1939
    Every new day is a new starting point. Seeing the BIG picture can at times appear daunting.

    You can control the fear by focusing on the moment, the hour, and the day. Soon a week goes by, then a month. It's like eating an elephant; you consume it one bite at a time.

    On your journey read the articles that support your desires. emoticon emoticon emoticon Have a happy 4th. emoticon
    2221 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13786485
    "I am afraid of failure, and afraid of success." Oh my gosh, this! A million times this. Good for you for facing your own journey, and moving forward. This is a fantastic post, thank you!
    2221 days ago
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