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I'm So Sad To Admit This, But I'm A...

Saturday, July 04, 2015

This is brand new information to me, and it's pretty devastating. emoticon I guess in order for you to find out if you are addicted to something, you have to actually give it up and see what kind of changes your mind and body go through. It is no secret that people can be addicted to food/sugar just as they can be to alcohol or cigarettes. It makes sense that we end up craving these things, and simply can not walk away from them.

I have never been addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, but I have always known I've had a problem with food. There was no way that I could get up to 272 pounds without having an unhealthy relationship with food. I ate a lot of junk and fast food, and I ate past the point of fullness. When I started losing weight I was still eating processed junk, but I used portion control and calorie counting and was still able to lose the majority of my weight that day. I could eat things in moderation and be happy... but let's fast forward to the last 2 days.

Coming "off" my Sugar Detox, I had decided I would practice most of the same rules, and that SOME of the time I would indulge in the things I wasn't "allowed" to have while on the sugar detox. The point was to indulge occasionally and in moderation. Can I just tell you that I completely fell on my face. Let's call a spade a spade, in 2 days I have had an all out carb binge!

It's funny, because I have not had any cravings for sweets. No candy, cookies, the obvious forms of sugar. That is not an issue. But it's the fluffy carbs (jalapeno kaiser rolls, yummy LOL) and processed chunk (cheetos) that are the issue. I also have had a lot of diet soda, and while I didn't intend to give it up, I am back to drinking large amounts which means I have to step away from it.

I feel like I'm broken in a way. How come I could have small amounts of these foods in the past, and use that "everything in moderation" approach to lose 80 pounds and pretty much keep it off, and now I can't do it? I don't doubt that in time I could learn how to enjoy these foods in moderation. I don't doubt that I could lose the rest of the weight eating 1 serving of cheetos everyday, but I think I am learning that I don't want to eat that way. I've said it before, and while I meant it maybe I just wasn't ready back then.

This feeling of being out of control with the carbs has really bothered me. Not just physically, emoticon, but mentally also. This is not the way I want to live, and certainly not how I want to feel.

Before I had said that I thought I would do 21 day cycles of the sugar detox with some time off in between but I thought that might send me into a binge. Funnily enough I went into a binge even though I avoided that strategy. So instead I have mapped out 21 day cycles, that only have about 2-3 days in between. I still need to count calories and account for everything I eat and I need to learn to control myself.

Some of you might be asking, why do the 21 day cycles, why not just decide this is how you are going to eat? That is what I set out to do, to follow the rules 80% of the time, and 2 days later I have been doing nothing but eating. So clearly that wasn't working. I know that when I think about a "life long journey" (which is what I'm on, to lose weight and then maintain), I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I shutdown and bad things happen. When I was doing my 21 days, I was focused. Even when I slipped up I immediately got back on track and I kept going. Clearly focusing on JUST the 21 days was a mind game that worked for me, so if it works, why not do it again?

My goal is that if I do enough of these cycles, something will finally click in this little brain of mine and I won't feel the need to count the days or pay attention to the cycles and that this will "just be the way I eat." I feel so great with that way of eating and I feel more in control and my mood and energy are so much better when I am following this plan. So wish me luck, I'm going to need it! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    sometimes motivation and will power fatigue kicks in.
    2125 days ago
  • MAYIE53
    Where can I find this 'sugar detox challenge'? I tried to eliminate sugar from my diet for 30 days, just doing it on my own, with not so great results. In spite of caving before the 30 days were up I did make progress in eliminating a few unhealthy foods that were previously standby items. Progress not perfection. emoticon
    2168 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/14/2015 10:26:06 AM
    Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately. Like the others giving their two pence worth - I too suffer along with you (and them!) I can never follow a 'diet' or 'regime ' for this very reason. I can force myself to cut something out, but then just end up bingeing on it later on. It's damned hard work but we eventually have to learn moderation and we need to learn how to have the chocolate/beer/Cheetos in the fridge and not go crazy.

    I just haven't learnt how either!! emoticon
    2171 days ago
  • _CYNDY55_
    2173 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13354694
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2173 days ago
  • ASCHU2
    I think your self-reflection is awesome, and I also agree that whatever our patterns are, they've been built over time, so changing/breaking/replacing them takes time, too, so that involves bumps in the road, but we're always heading up, up, up!! For me, personally, the more I tackle my emotional issues (my BIG mountain), the more I can see food from the outside, like an experiment. If I eat ____, do I feel ___? without all of the value judgements. We're all walking next to you, even though we're all on separate journeys!!
    2174 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2175 days ago
    I'm a certified carboholic/sugar addict, so I can totally relate, Steph. And I think doing the 21 day cycles is a great idea. I have found that a similar process works for me. I think I told you that I'm doing the alternate day fasting, right? I know that I can have whatever I want on a food/eating day. Often I find myself wanting something off plan on a fasting day. I just tell myself that I can have it the next day. When that day comes, I never want the off plan food anymore. Go figure - I don't know why, but just that little delay seems to work emoticon .
    2175 days ago
    I completely understand and can totally relate! I can go weeks, even months without grains, breads, junk, etc and feel great. then one day, a "special occasion" and i have a bite of cake, a couple of chips, a roll, and BAM! Full on carb binge!! It takes me entirely too long to drag myself back out of it. Sounds like the 21 day sugar detox may be just the ticket for you and I may have to give it a try myself.

    2176 days ago
    I'm glad you have found something that works for you. Sometimes the only thing that helps me is to mind trick myself. It's a process that is for sure. You are trying new things and analyzing and that is all part of this process...finding out what works best for YOU. I know that you will find that magical formula again! emoticon
    2176 days ago
    We each have find our own solutions... best wishes.

    A doctor told me that completely eliminating a food inevitably leads to binging on it.
    So I believe in small, planned, tracked treats.
    For example: We keep the Weight Watchers English Toffee Ice Cream Bars in the freezer. They are good enough to be satisfying, 100 calories each, and always there so there is no scarcity of them, they become almost boring. I never need more than one at a time. I do eat them mindfully and savor them.
    Another example: I keep large bars of good chocolate on hand. A serving would be 10 squares = 210 calories. There are 3.5 servings in a bar. I eat one square when I want chocolate. That's 21 calories. Sometimes the bars sit for a week or two untouched. If I want to can/could have 4 or 10 squares. Whether I have 1 or 10, I would track it.
    2177 days ago
  • VEG954
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2177 days ago
    Good luck - I've done so many cycles of different diets all my life that I still don't know what to eat.
    2178 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Good luck. emoticon emoticon
    2178 days ago
    Whatever you are successful at in achieving your WL continue with it as a healthy pattern. It's the consistency of a working routine that will help you with the carb challenge. I, like you are a carboholic. I find often I am surprised at how much per centage my nutrition tracker WARNS me about when I daily pre-track my meals for the day. It is then that I will evaluate the actual nutrients & per cent of exactly what I eat. That is when I adjust & determine my carb intake. Being human, some days I am successful, some days I am not! When I do eat too many carbs, my body lets me know by its reaction of becoming sluggish, energy drained, sleepish & inflamed (my joints)

    2178 days ago
    I not only wish you luck, I understand and know you can do it!
    Many wishes for success and change!
    Love & Hugs,
    2178 days ago
    emoticon Steph! emoticon
    2178 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Oh no!! Lessons learned along the way for positive results!! emoticon emoticon
    2178 days ago
    Hang in there! You know that we are all rooting for you!
    2178 days ago
    You are working on finding what works for you. And what works for you to continue right now may not be long-term and that's totally okay. You do what you need to do, and if that's take the 21 day cycles with a very very short break in between so that you can focus better... that's the right thing for you! emoticon
    2178 days ago
    I love how you are figuring out what works for you. If 21 days at a time keeps you focused, then why would you not do it that way? I have to stay away from sugar, or I crave EVERYTHING. That's just the way it is. We all have to find what works for us. Good for you, you'll figure it out.
    2178 days ago
  • THOMS1
    Hi Steph! There are some things that I just can't be trusted to eat and control myself. That is just the way it is for me and after 7 years this month it is the same. I call these foods my trigger foods and I seldom have them except only very occasionally. I wish you the best of luck my dear. Have a very happy fourth of July emoticon
    2178 days ago
    Stephanie, it is a learning experience isn't it!! You are so right about the control thing. When I have a sweet treat I have to be very AWARE of what I am doing to just so I can learn to control myself. As you suggested I will say "Good luck girl"!! I think you are right about doing it again and again.
    2178 days ago
    I know what you mean... I had a total blow out day yesterday. It's something about rebellion against rules, or something like that. Which makes no sense when they are my rules, and they are for me to feel better! But I do it anyway... Today's a new day...
    2178 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10895053
    Stephy, I'm with you all the way. What you're going through is just a part of your journey. You're learning all along the way!! Hugs to you! You can do it. emoticon
    2178 days ago
    The sort of overeating you describe happens to me regularly after I have stuck to a specific eating plan for a few weeks - goodness knows what is happening on an endocrine level! So, do those 21 days cycle to keep your weight on track and try to keep the out-of-control days to a minimum! Hugs!
    2178 days ago
    You WILL figure it out eventually or learn to deal with it as you are!

    emoticon emoticon
    2178 days ago
    Why not focus on 1 day, 1 choice at a time? Instead of a lifetime to overwhelm you, focus on making healthy choices 1 day, 1 moment at a time. That is what I have to do to lose! When we take it 1 day at a time, yes, like an addict, we have control and it becomes a lifetime! Go for it! Whatever works for you!!
    2178 days ago
    I think the 21 days at a time approach is logical. We need those little successes as validation to keep going. Who knows, maybe the 21 day challenges become the lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that. Whatever gets us through. I'm starting another 21 day challenge on Monday. Best of luck to us both.

    P.S. I have some slippery slope foods that I'm finding just need to be off limits because I overeat them. I don't eat pasta for this reason. My latest issue is with energy bite treats. I found these wonderful recipes with all natural ingredients (peanut butter, honey, coconut, chocolate chips, oats), but I'm finding myself making batches of the dough and feasting on something that should last weeks...disaster! I hope to one day have a healthy, objective relationship with food. It's evolved and has gotten better, but like you, I find myself wondering what's wrong with me sometimes. Let's keep pressing on. I look forward to hearing how your next 21 days go :)
    2178 days ago
  • KMW987
    Good Luck! emoticon
    2178 days ago
    I also function better on the low sugar eating plan. I know with time, you will get used to that way of eating and eventually reach a place of moderation. After 4 years, I can indulge in a sugar food and not head to a binge. You can do it.
    2178 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    We started this journey about the same time and I did it like you counting calories but not eliminating processed foods. I could easily portion things out and I lost over 100 pounds. Now those carbs aren't as easy to resist or portion. I wonder if our bodies adapt. The theory that our bodies go into starvation mode to preserve our life in case of famine. Maybe when we indulge in fat building carbs our bodies want more because it didn't " like" it when we controlled portions. The whole weight loss thing is so complicated with our bodies, hormones and minds all having their own agendas! Anyway, try your repeated 21 day cycles and know that you are not alone in this battle!! emoticon
    2178 days ago
    It can be frustrating how we sabotage ourselves. Keep learning, keep moving, keep striving! emoticon
    2178 days ago
    One thing I dd to lose 40 pounds was pre-package things I wanted to eat ta make sure I was in control. I am wondering if it would help if you packaged the cheetos into individual servings and put the rest in the freezer or somewhere you aren't going to go after them so easily. I know the 21 days works for you, even modified! You have proven that!!
    2178 days ago
    It will take time, friend. These challenges are just that. They are meant to teach you the tools. It's not a cure, but a start. Take those tools and apply them each day. You can do this. I believe in you.
    2178 days ago
    Well, honey - you have 28 years of eating too many carbs - 21 days isn't going to erase those years. Even a couple of 21 days won't. I think it takes a whole lot longer to really change how we function - the things we crave, the things we can avoid.

    I had to have about 10 tummy aches, spread out over maybe 5 years, from eating hamburgers in fast food restaurants before I realized - I don't want them any more. They just didn't taste good enough to suffer the upset tummy. and in between I found salads and baked potatoes and such at those restaurants to make it possible for me to eat there when they were the only option. But eventually the sight of a McDonalds or a Burger Chef or a Wendy's just made me remember the tummy aches - like a flash card does - so that it has become really easy to pass them by.

    The best part about Stephanie on the sugar detox program is how energized and focused she is .... and how she blogs more! LOL. Hugs to you and Happy 4th
    2178 days ago
    emoticon Sweetie, you are learning. That's what it's all about. You have learned that perhaps you need more carb control and that some things just aren't good for you . . . . for now. So, those are good, albeit disappointing things to learn, I'm sure.

    It is not easy. I have dealt with both alcohol and gambling addiction in my extended family.

    Some made the choice to incorporate those habits VERY occasionally in their lives. Didn't work . . . epic fail, actually. Yes, that is disappointing to find out, but EVERYONE has something that just doesn't work for them. ME INCLUDED. So, my dear, I guess two messages:

    1. There is HOPE for you! Always remember that. It's a continual learning curve.

    2. You're not ALONE!
    2178 days ago
    Looks like you have studied the situation well. Personally it seems that I do better with everyday moderation or giving things up completely. Like an alcoholic I am a binger if I give myself an all out cheat day.
    2178 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14907109
    It looks like the challenge of the sugar detox works for you. emoticon I have found the 5% Challenges work for me. I have the most trouble with the times in between the challenges. emoticon
    2178 days ago
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