I can dish out advice (when asked for) and kind, supportive words to anyone at any time! Someone can tell me that overate, ate something they shouldn't, skipped a workout, gained 5 pounds etc. and I can find a positive spin on all of it. I can remind them not to give up, not to let the scale get to them. I can remind them that they are human and of course they are going to make mistakes from time to time since none of us are perfect. I can remind them not to beat themselves up and to get back on track immediately... but when it comes to myself I can't always dish it out!
I woke up today after having an amazing day yesterday, and saw the scale was up 2 pounds. Sometimes I can be super logical when it comes to the scale, collect the data and move forward. Some days I give that scale so much power that it can send me off the rails. I can easily tell someone that there is no way they gained 2 pounds of fat in 1 day. I can explain to them that in order to do that, they'd have to eat 7,000 calories OVER maintenance to gain that much and there was no way that happened. I can tell them it's a simple fluctuation that can have to do with our monthly cycle (if they are a woman of course), that it can be water, waste etc, but that it is definitely not fat.
I knew that I had not gained 2 pounds of fat, in fact I pretty much knew that I was bloated and my time of the month is coming in about a week. Logically, I had a grip on the situation. Emotionally though, I lost my dang mind. "Why do I bother?" was the recurring thought of the day. I bust my butt, I take on this sugar detox, I do what I'm supposed to do and this is the thanks I get. Irrational I know, but hey, emotions aren't always rational.
I allowed myself to come unglued, I ate things today that were a big NO NO when it comes to my sugar detox. I did not have any true sugar, no sweets, no candy, nothing like that. But I had refined JUNK. Flamin hot cheetos, macaroni salad, and jalapeno kaiser rolls. I tracked all the damage, and let's just say it's not pretty. Part of me started to say that's it, I'm done with the sugar detox. I screwed it up and I'm done. But once I calmed down, I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I am going to keep on going, tomorrow (today technically, Saturday) is day 17. I am going to continue on... at the end of this I will hope I can say I had 20/21 good days. I need to forgive myself and move forward. Don't get me wrong, this was a big deal for me, and I did feel bad about it... but if I dwell on how I screwed up, I will continue to screw up. So I have to be kind to myself, just like I would be to a friend who might tell me they messed up. I have to be understanding and forgive myself. If I am too harsh with myself, I will continue to eat poorly and feel sorry for myself. So I am dusting myself off and moving forward.
This journey never ends. For me, it'll transition from weight loss to weight maintenance, but I will always be on a journey. It isn't practical for me to think I am never going to screw up, or overeat for the rest of my life. As an emotional eater, over eater, and a someone who is human and far from perfect, I am going to have my bad days, it's how I allow them to affect me, what I learn from them, and how quickly I get on track that is going to determine how well I do in the long haul. So day 16 on my Sugar Detox was an official disaster, and now I move forward and make it a better day 17.