Reset: Day 16 No, I won't
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
I managed to squeak in a walk last night with Tucker between rain storms! It was wet, humid and yucky out but we got in about a mile an a half walk. I was happy - and so was he!
So after work I am planning a walk with the dog and then off to visit my friend in the nursing facility. I sent her a text to let her know I was coming up and asked if there was anything I could bring her.
Much to my dismay, she said yes - Werther's sugar free caramels, a diet Pepsi and a diet Mountain Dew. Now I know she has been on a liquid diet for two of her meals and regular food for her third meal. I know she has diabetes. I doubt any of these things are on her list of things to eat. I know how much she loves those things. I know she will eat the entire bag of Werther's by tomorrow! I know it will wreak havoc with her sugar levels. I know losing weight will have a huge effect on her future with her congestive heart failure. I know these things are not in her best interest.
The last time she was in the hospital - she asked all her friends to bring her sugar free candy - and most of us did thinking "Oh, one little bag of sugar free candy is ok - it's sugar free....." Well, she ate tons of it and when her sugar levels were off the chart she told the nurses she had no idea why - until they found her stash! Then of course it was her friends brought her those things and they were so tempting! Absolutely no personal responsibility!
Ugh! I wanted to yell at her. Really? Ask me to bring you stuff you shouldn't have! Then again, she is an adult. How she choses to live her days is her choice. If she wants to eat/drink herself into an early grave - that is her choice. However, I am not going to play a part in it. I am an adult too. I can make decisions too. My answer is no. If she asks why - it is because I love you. Ugh - so why do I feel guilty?
Perhaps it is because I do the same thing? I eat foods I know I shouldn't. I eat foods and quantities of food that I know hurt me - and do it anyhow - laughing in the face of fate, believing I am invincible. Perhaps it is because I would want one of my friends to aid me in my quest for sugar laden, carb laden snacks and soda. Perhaps it is because I have a Coke Zero addiction and I can relate to the NEED for soda! If only it was so easy to say no to myself as it is to my friend!
Then again there is that little part of me that says - this is what she wants. If it brings her happiness who am I to deny her. Who am I to judge?
However, as of now the decision is no - I won't. I will probably bring her something - perhaps a sugar free frozen fruit bar on this warm summer night.
Yep, it's all about little choices and doing things differently. This is different!