I have been stressing lately about a lot of things I can not control and I have been over eating or eating to soothe which is a trigger to me that I am not healthy... coping poorly... and capable of returning to old habits that will increase my weight, decrease my quality of life, and hurt my self esteem among other things. It is like I am a passenger, just along for the ride but in reality I am the driver, the navigator of my journey. I am capable of making better choices. I have the ability to choose which way I want my life to go.
I keep coming back to my vision board and why I am here, trying again to get and stay healthy. I want health, I want less pain. I want quality of life but it occurs to me that while I strive for these things, I may not get these things. I can not control every thing in my life. I can only do one thing at a time and I can only manage one minute at a time. There are a bazillion decisions to be made on a daily basis, some without needing any thought and some needing thought then action. A good spark sister of mine is working on moderation and this seems like a good place to start again.
This is where my head is right now..... stressing over the future, wanting what I want and always hoping maintenance will be easy once I get there. I know this is a life long struggle for me and I always hope for the easier softer way, but I know in reality, I may have to fight on a daily basis or minute by minute basis to achieve what I feel I deserve and need.
Funny or not, how the fight is in my head. I am so worried about regaining weight back since I have a pattern of doing this yo-yo thing my whole life, that it is actually motivating me to move my body a bit more and I am researching the heck out of maintenance and how various members are doing it.
That is part of my stress today also. Some members share their trackers and I notice patterns of eating some junk foods with some good foods, eating only 500-1000 calories a day, exercising 3 hours a day, skipping meals, overeating some days, etc. After some thought, I realize these things are what work for them and probably would not work for me. I realize they are normal and may revert to old patterns of eating like many of us do, and maybe they do not have to log all their food anymore and really are not skipping meals or eating such low calories.
What I learned today was, it is ok to research and get ideas but I do not need to stress it. Everything is valid in it's own right. Every thing has a positive and negative and depending on where my head is. I just need to find the positives that will help me stay strong and push on in my journey. I did find some excellent blogs. I hope to get to this stage eventually and I hope I have as good of an attitude as some of these people at maintenance have. Until then, I push on to small goals that eventually lead into maintenance.