It's All a Hot Mess
Friday, June 05, 2015
As my kids tell me...if you're going to be a mess...at least you're hot! *lol*
All weekend I had a sore throat. I pushed through it and accomplished a LOT. Had a good walk into work on Monday. Noticed my legs are carrying me better again. Was feeling good.
Slept pretty much ALL of Tuesday and Thursday thanks to a brilliantly timed sinus infection. *sigh*
Tuesday I get some annoying texts from the ex...which I ignored and promptly fell back asleep...and then I get one about how he tried to surprise me at work but security wouldn't let him through... OMFG! I texted back to tell him I'm asleep in bed and very sick. He says okay and he's sorry...and then drops by my house to drop things off including a single rose and a care package of soup and a candle. *sigh* Here we go again.
Wednesday I was still in bed and still getting texts and still ignoring them. And apparently he had a dozen roses delivered to my office, which my coworker texts me about at some point and asks what I think he should do with them and do I want him to put them in water for me. My head hurts!
So this is the mess I'm in now.
I met with him yesterday after work to hear him out.
He gets it.
It's all going to be different now.
I have no idea what to do with my life...I was doing so well and starting to finally heal...and now this...and I have no clue what to do with myself or with my life.
I devoted 20 years to trying to make this work. And then I laid everything bare and said "This is it. Last chance. Take it or leave it." And he walked away and said some awful things...and I gave myself permission to finally let go. And now he's asking for yet ANOTHER chance. And I want to say no, but I feel like I shouldn't and I am super confused and my head hurts and I want to go back to the happiness I felt on Monday.
So that's where I am right now.
And another guy keeps texting me as well. And he's nice and all. But I told BOTH of them I'm not ready to be in a relationship. And men are annoying and pushy and needy. And I want to do me.
Is that wrong?
I just want to do me right now.
I need a drink!
Upside? I weighed in yesterday for my weekly check and lost 8 pounds...probably thanks to the illness. Let's hope I can maintain that for the next couple weeks and I'll have a solid win for the second month in a row. I'm working hard on making myself happy, and that includes healthy food and wellness.
I order more salads.
I get dressing on the side and don't use it all.
Last night I ordered ice cream with the kids - my crutch when there is stuff going on with the ex...but after a few bites I realized I was done with it and I just stopped eating it. I didn't need it. I had a bit and let it go. And that's a huge win right now.
Today, I'm going to get a doughnut. This is already planned out and I'm saving my calories for it. It's a fun lunch trip with a coworker to clear my head and have a little fun. And I like having silly things like that to do. And I'm glad I know how to adjust to make things like this possible (because they won't be after surgery).
Graduation tonight. Busy day ahead. I'm in a fog of sinus congestion and confusion. Life never gets easier, does it?!