Oh, dear Lord, the pain today is something diabolical and cruel. It feels like torture; it's as if someone has attached invisible needles to the nerves running from my neck to my left elbow, and frequently connects their accompanying wires to a diesel battery... or maybe a transformer station. In short, agony.
I try moving my arm in different ways, to see if that will alleviate the burning and (sometimes) ripping sensations that travel along that course, and sometimes, for brief moments, it does. Those moments are like brief, euphoric pieces of respite in comparison to the dreadful recurrence of that demon, when it decides to shift right back at me, throwing me back into the blackness of pain once again.
Logically, yes, I know that it's not a sentient creature, nor is it some sort of superconductor, that's causing me all of this misery; it's the nerves within my arm and neck that are still becoming accustomed to this altered state in which my surgeon and I have decided to put it in. Still, it's easier for my pain-riddled mind to create a nemesis, or an outside source, for what's going on with me.
I think... I think we do that a lot, don't we? As human beings, I mean; we look for the nemesis outside of ourselves, because it couldn't possibly, CONCEIVABLY be our doing that has brought this problem about. It HAS to be something bigger than ourselves, doesn't it?
Okay, MAYBE the pain I'm going through isn't exactly the best analogy--after all, the pain I'm feeling could be due to a misconnected nerve, or even a pinched one *sighs and shudders* which wouldn't be my fault--but it's a damned close one.
In any case, while this pain is tormenting--and it's something I don't wish on anyone right now--it's also educating, and (in more ways than one) eye-opening. It gives me something to ponder during my convalescence.
Okay, I'm about to show you guys pictures: This first one is rather mild. This is the stitched up area on my throat where they did the anterior (fancy doctor-type word for "front") surgery:
This next one, well... yeah, this is the stapled up region on my neck where they did the posterior (if you guessed "back", give yourself a gold star... or a cookie, whichever tastes better) surgery:
I took both of these yesterday, when I had the strength to position the laptop over my head to snap the pic of my back upside-down *laughs* In any case, so far everything's healing as it should. Yeah, there's still the pain... however, it can't be allowed to run what I do, or what was the point of getting the surgery in the first place?
God bless you all, my friends!