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Here Comes the Pain Again...

Monday, May 11, 2015

Oh, dear Lord, the pain today is something diabolical and cruel. It feels like torture; it's as if someone has attached invisible needles to the nerves running from my neck to my left elbow, and frequently connects their accompanying wires to a diesel battery... or maybe a transformer station. In short, agony.

I try moving my arm in different ways, to see if that will alleviate the burning and (sometimes) ripping sensations that travel along that course, and sometimes, for brief moments, it does. Those moments are like brief, euphoric pieces of respite in comparison to the dreadful recurrence of that demon, when it decides to shift right back at me, throwing me back into the blackness of pain once again.

Logically, yes, I know that it's not a sentient creature, nor is it some sort of superconductor, that's causing me all of this misery; it's the nerves within my arm and neck that are still becoming accustomed to this altered state in which my surgeon and I have decided to put it in. Still, it's easier for my pain-riddled mind to create a nemesis, or an outside source, for what's going on with me.

I think... I think we do that a lot, don't we? As human beings, I mean; we look for the nemesis outside of ourselves, because it couldn't possibly, CONCEIVABLY be our doing that has brought this problem about. It HAS to be something bigger than ourselves, doesn't it?

Okay, MAYBE the pain I'm going through isn't exactly the best analogy--after all, the pain I'm feeling could be due to a misconnected nerve, or even a pinched one *sighs and shudders* which wouldn't be my fault--but it's a damned close one.

In any case, while this pain is tormenting--and it's something I don't wish on anyone right now--it's also educating, and (in more ways than one) eye-opening. It gives me something to ponder during my convalescence.

Okay, I'm about to show you guys pictures: This first one is rather mild. This is the stitched up area on my throat where they did the anterior (fancy doctor-type word for "front") surgery:


This next one, well... yeah, this is the stapled up region on my neck where they did the posterior (if you guessed "back", give yourself a gold star... or a cookie, whichever tastes better) surgery:


I took both of these yesterday, when I had the strength to position the laptop over my head to snap the pic of my back upside-down *laughs* In any case, so far everything's healing as it should. Yeah, there's still the pain... however, it can't be allowed to run what I do, or what was the point of getting the surgery in the first place?

God bless you all, my friends!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CAKAROO
    emoticon
    1752 days ago
  • BETHOFBAMA
    All I can say is I don't personally know your pain, but I know it through my husband who has what can only be called "pain seizures". The pain gets so intense that he blacks out , falls to the ground and literally flops around like a fish out of water. Again the doctors say there is nothing they can or ever will be able to do for him and he will only get worse as time goes on. My heart aches for you, but hopefully you will have some good out of your pain after you heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you. emoticon
    1752 days ago
  • JMAHNKEN
    All my best to you always. Janette
    1752 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15432754
    Thank you for your honesty in sharing what you are going through. Praying that your pain starts to lessen and that your healing continues. Trials work patience in us and you have a great outlook on life as you are going through it. God bless you.
    1752 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15241390
    Those are some rough incisions. I hope you heal quickly. We are all rooting for you!
    1752 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3934996
    Joel.. I know I have had a lot of surgeries and I know when they removed that section of my bowel.. I have never expected the pain I did ever.. and this .. I think that I can understand the pain... I am so sorry for you having to go through this... It has got to be the pits... but you got some nice Nurses and people there so I don't worry... I told them to patch you up so you can get back here with us... and If everyone just takes a minute to get to know you.. They are going to love you just as much... Did you see where I put the kids.. I posted a blog and put them in the Dogs cage we have to put Roxie until she gets out of this puppy stage.. or she will be on the table and counters.. Still a puppy but is now 64 lbs... What a difference a little love and food can do.. She is doing all the things little puppies do Wish I knew how to do that cause she is a trip.. was spinning in a circle till she lost her balance... In His Love and Grace Just Me emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon come back soon..
    1752 days ago
  • DH_ISFREE
    Movin is better than the alternative, no matter how slow that movement may be. I just "met" you, and stalked your blogs. All of them, at once. emoticon What a testimony God has given you, and is still giving you. I totally understand the road you are journeying on, and the shoes you are wearing to make the journey. I am walking that road, and have the same shoes. Quite extraordinary the amount of similarities in our journey. I have been walking the road of recovery a bit longer, and finished my time in transitional and halfway houses and am "off paper", but other than that, you could almost be me, or I you...well, except you are male, and I am not. emoticon Ok, hand is on fire, yet numb at the same time (funny how that works) so I will close. Keep your head up, Hopeful, and don't let the pain OR the pain meds get you down. This too shall pass.
    Blessings and prayers to you, my new friend.
    Dana
    1753 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15255276
    Oh Joel, I am in tears reading your blog! Thanks to your blog today, I'll know how to pray for you today!

    Marty
    1753 days ago
  • no profile photo JEANNETTE59
    These are very soft, gentle emoticon

    I totally agree that giving excruciating pain an identity of it's own is helpful. I called my torturer Bad A.. You can fill in the blanks. My medical team thought it was hysterical.
    But it really was a coping mechanism and it helped. Maybe you can incorporate your demon into tour writing in the future. That would make quite a story!
    You are a brave soul, getting pictures for us. We will have to add contortionist to your list of talents.

    Remember, you are not alone, God is with you and so are we emoticon

    Dottie




    1753 days ago
  • COOKIEMAKER-01
    emoticon
    Oh my! Made me cringe reading your blog. I pray for a speedy recovery and pain to subside.
    1753 days ago
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