Hope IS stronger...
Sunday, March 22, 2015
I saw this a few minutes ago and it kind of punched me in the gut. I've been thinking about fear a lot lately. The following quote I wrote down out of a book (maybe by Emerson? not positive) "He who is not every day conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life." And while I wouldn't go quite that far, it got me thinking about fear. My biggest fears? Something happening to my kids. Being in a car crash. Losing my freedom. But I think another fear has something to do with losing weight. And I can't quite put my finger on it. However, I do know that my brain knows what I need to do to lose weight. Every day I'm reading articles here on Spark with more great advice and tips. And some days I do real well. My exercise is right on, my eating is good and my calories are in check. Then there are the days when the stresses of life are getting to me - having another hard time with my daughter so last night when Ed & I were out I bought a brownie. He says, "isn't there sugar in that?!" ... knowing I've been cutting out sugar. And I said "Yep, and I'm going to enjoy every bite". And don't you know, I did. And then wanted something else. It fueled a bad thing in me. Dratted sugar. Anyway, the point is, I knew the sugar would be bad for me. I knew it would fight against what I'm trying to accomplish. I knew all that. But I did it anyway. Stress eating. Emotional eating. Boredom eating. Stupid eating :)
Okay, so I get that there is a psychological thing that causes us to give in to those types of eating. But I also wonder how much is an inner fear. One that I can't quite put my finger on. Because seriously, why in the hell would I be afraid to lose weight? That's all I've wanted to do since I was 16. I want to be healthy. I want to have a flat stomach. I want to have tons of energy and ability to do crazy things. But is there some deep seated fear that is silently holding me back? Possibly helping me to sabotage myself? Well, I don't know. I guess I fear that I will fail - again. Maybe that's part of my fear too - having others see me fail - again. And again. So it could be that or something else.
But - hope is stronger than fear. I believe that. And it will be my new mantra (that list is getting real long!!!) We all have it in us to accomplish what we aim to do. We are all capable of shedding the excess weight and then keeping it off. Sure, it's tough, but at least we've got each other. It definitely helps having friends stand by us as we fight this battle every day.
It's the beginning of a new week. My goal is to do something every day to help me start losing weight again. Take one day at a time. Go to bed at night feeling proud of what we've accomplished that day. Thank you friends for being here with me & for me ~ you guys are the bestest!!!