What if this doesn't work...
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Back in the fall I made a decision to take a break from Spark and focus on spending time with my Mom. We were told in March of 2014 that she wouldn't live long and I wanted to focus my energy on her. I wanted my young sons to spend time with her and make as many memories as they could. We had a wonderful Christmas and endured the nasty, cold winter. We've celebrated Valentine's Day and here we are at March of 2015, looking forward to Easter. It's such a wonderful blessing and gift from God.
Over the past year I have celebrated my Mom's life but have also grieved. There are many times when I get completely overwhelmed with how much I'm going to miss my Mom. There are times when I think about how much it's going to break my boys' hearts when she's gone and it breaks my heart even more. That said though, I wouldn't change a thing about the time I've been given and all the memories we've created.
After watching my Mom suffer a few setbacks and have some treatments not work as well as we hoped, I noticed she always does one thing - she listens to the situation and asks what can be done next. She doesn't mope or give up. She fights as best as she can. She accepts and adapts to the next plan of attack. She never asks "What if this doesn't work?"
I've learned a great deal from my Mom over the years but I think this is the lesson she's trying to get through to me now. She's showing me that you can be strong and courageous. That you don't even have to consider the "What if's". Just assess the situation and adjust your attack. It might not work as expected and that's okay. You just accept that you tried and then try something else.
When Val (one of the greatest SparkFriends ever) asked if I was interested in coming back for the Spring Challenge, I knew I had to. I have to take care of myself and keep fighting. I have to come back to where we are all trying and fighting. I have to work on lifting others up as they have done for me over the years. I have to accept and adapt. I have to win the fight and stop having the same battle over and over. I have to remove "What if this doesn't work?" from my thinking and realize that it is working. Maybe not the way I thought it would play out but it is WORKING.