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Advice Sought....

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

It's not diet related, but more of a "social concern"

I’m looking for some feedback here. I have an acquaintance at work who has passed out “save the date” notices to certain females in our age range. I just found out that she had checked with a couple of them ahead of time to see what their availability is (and chatting about the idea) and decided on a date from there. Since her and her husband decided to celebrate the actual March birthday in Hawaii, she’s having a “tea party” in April. It’s a two hour afternoon thing at the local Fairmont hotel.

I know I don’t have to decide right now, but I’m stressing out about it. I see far more reasons not to go: It’s a very expensive afternoon ($50 min plus Gift); I have no interest in tea parties (I'm so far from being a "girly" person), that day is my own husbands birthday, I’m only work-friends with the person. Matter of fact, I'm much more comfortable in jeans/sweats than "business casual" attire.

My reasons for going are that she is a nice person, there will be a common friend there and it's the polite thing to do.

I'd love to hear some input/perspective from others.... please....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Some people LOVE tea parties and that's fine... but if you don't you honestly won't be missed. It's kind of her to invite people but... if they have to pay they are under no obligation.
    2268 days ago
    I agree with the 'thanks but no thanks', enjoy being with your husband, and be sure to ask where she will post the pictures of the event. Since you can't BE there, you'd still like to see everyone's smiling face.

    2269 days ago

    You have an easy out with your husband's birthday but why not try something new and completely outside your comfort zone? I'm sure that she's not expecting a grand gift and you might have fun. You're making lots of changes with your health and the way you look at things, this might be a great opportunity to try one more new thing. Tea parties are really just a social event that means it's not a sit down meal. Think of it like a cocktail party without the drunks.
    2269 days ago
    Everyone gave great advice on how to politely decline. This is completely okay and if she's a normal person she won't think anything of it. I am just guessing that you are weary of how she will react or what she will think? You can only make the best decision for you and then realize you can't control how she reacts. Some people say, "What others think about you is none of your business." Easier said than done sometimes. I also read a quote recently that said, "Don't say maybe if you really mean no." I am slowly learning as well, that it is okay to set boundaries and say no. If the person is worth it and really knows/loves you, then they will understand. Getting her a small gift when you decline might make you feel better too.
    2270 days ago
    You are a nice person to be going through such a struggle over this, Brenda.
    I would decline politely, citing your husband's birthday as an excuse.
    If it's a special day for her, you might give her a small gift.
    2270 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14521116
    I would politely decline and let her know that it is your husband's birthday and you have something special planned for him on that date. ("Susie, I was so excited about going to your party, but it's on my husband's birthday, so I'll have to miss it.")

    2270 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2772872
    I am late to the discussion but agree with everyone. Politely decline. Your hubbys birthday is a big day for you two.
    2271 days ago
  • DTHOR6
    I would decline nicely. I would never expect my friends to pay to come to my party. That is silly. Plus your dh is more important. Spend the day with him.
    2271 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    If I should ever invite my friends to a tea party birthday party, I would not be asking them to pay for the party. I would decline. Hubby is MUCH more important!
    2271 days ago
    Buy a small gift, send your regards and your regret at having to decline because it is your husband's birthday and you have plans to celebrate with him.

    It's all about priorities. Would you put your husband behind a colleague? Not normally. Unless she's a monster she will understand that he has precedence on your time and attention that day. :)
    2271 days ago
    Don't go! You don't want to - sounds like. Have fun with your DH. Life is too short for politeness! Besides can you imagine the kind of person that would arrange this sort of thing?
    2271 days ago
    hi brenda, you have been given basically the same advice by all. To not go, thank her for the invitation. I like getting her a card near the event.
    It is your husbands birthday and he takes priority!
    2271 days ago
    I would just say that you already have plans and thanks for the invite. Unless this person is unreasonable, she shouldn't give it another thought. I have invited coworkers to birthday dinners - if they make it, great. If not, no big deal.

    A small token near her actual birthday is a nice gesture, and usually helps keep the work relationships running smoothly, if that is your office culture. Even just a card is nice.
    2271 days ago
  • KBS2344
    If you don't want to go - DON"T GO!!! It's also your husbands birthday! It is totally fine to say no thank you! emoticon
    2271 days ago
  • MRB2563
    It is also polite to let acquaintances know you will be celebrating your husband's birthday with him and a couple of mutual friends. I doubt this will be the only invitation you will get and hopefully you will get to know your co-worker well enough to want to spend time with her outside of work without stressing about it. Is the common friend pressuring you to go? You don't owe anyone a reason. A simple "I'm sorry, not this time" should suffice.
    2271 days ago
    Definitely do what YOU need to do - the reasons you give for not going sound like good ones to me.
    2271 days ago
    Definitely do not feel guilty for setting a healthy boundary and taking time for your family and yourself. It can still be done politely and I feel that if she is a kind and understanding person, she would definitely understand! Good luck! emoticon
    2271 days ago
    I would decline politely and not give it another thought.
    2271 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14402600
    Personally I would thank her for the invitation, but decline. It sounds like she is asking all of you to fund her trip which is basically rude on her part. Since the day is your husbands birthday you have a legitimate "excuse" not to go. You really shouldn't feel obligated since you aren't best friends. Also if it is a tea party she is hosting an invitation shouldn't come with a financial obligation on the guests part. Just say thanks but no thanks. Go out with your husband and celebrate his birthday! You are under no obligation. I have a feeling others will feel the same way.
    2271 days ago
    I would decline nicely and say that is my husbands brithday and we have other plans but thank you for the invite
    2272 days ago
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