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Update From December with Son...

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Just when things couldn't have gotten worse...
We arrived in Hartford on Sunday for performance @ the Schauer Center in the afternoon. Vlad, Adina, Sav and another friend came home later that evening after watching the Packers game. Apparently Vlad was drinking heavily (you couldn't tell from his speech. But he was extremely disrespectful and outright nasty to John & me. Adina told him that she was through with him and that he needed to move out to go live with his friend. Vlad angrily packed some clothes and left after he threw up in the toilet. John & I talked to Adina and said that she and Sav could continue to live in our house, perhaps even getting a female friend to live with her to share expenses. She said that she would ask either of 2 girls from work. She went upstairs, I went to bed & John watched tv. Two hours later I was awakened by John telling me that Vlad & his friend were back and that Adina was going to live with him in their apartment. She hastily packed a little clothes and took Savanna with her.
The next morning she came to the house to exchange a phone with John. She told him that she had been @ the local US cellular getting a phone for Vlad (who already has 1)! John told her to stop messing with the phones, that her priority needed to be to go to the insurance agent to pay for car insurance which was going to expire Monday @ 5pm. Because it was so late in the day, she had only 10 minutes to get there and to go to work. John took the phone and set it in the office telling her to work in priority, leave the phone here and take care of the insurance. Adina went absolutely postal demanding to get the phone back. She and I grabbed for the phone @ the same time, and pushed me into a desk and tried to wrench the phone from my hand. John saw the struggle and pulled her off of me dragging her kicking and screaming to the front door. She called the police and 3 squad cars arrived each with 2 policemen. They heard her side and 2 came into the house to hear our side. After much back and forth, one of the policemen told me that "adina has a suspended license, but you didn't hear that from me". When she tried to press charges on us for attacking her, they brought up her driving with a suspended license. She decided to not press charges because it she did, the police would charge her with driving with a suspended license. Someone came to drive her away.
Now when they come to the house to get their possessions, there will be a police escort. Good for us.. if she goes postal again! Now my ring finger on my right hand is totally black & blue on the underside from the phone struggle.
We knew nothing about her suspended license! She has been driving our vehicles for the past 1 3/4 years! I imagine now she and Vlad are driving with out auto insurance because her Aunt didn't have the money yesterday.
Since then Vlad has heard only her side of the story and he sends hateful texts to both John and me. The best text said that he regrets only breaking 1 of my fingers 4 years ago, he wishes that he had broken 4! I thought that showed his present mind and was an actual threat of violence! We have saved all his nasty, angry texts and plan on showing them to the police when they come with the kids for their clothing.
We had planned on giving them 2 sets of bedroom furniture, a couch, tables and chairs etc. But now after all this, I really don't want to do that, John is still wiling to give the furniture because it will lighten our load when we decide to move out of the house.
I think they have some hard lessons to learn from creditors and others who are not forgiving like the bank of Mom & Dad! Oh well..
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    At the risk of being preachy and giving unwanted advice...tough love is needed here. Cut the cords. You have to protect yourselves first and foremost and if the situation is degenerating to physical attacks and threats you really have to take that seriously. Stop enabling their behaviour because as long as you keep forgiving and supporting they will not learn to appreciate anything or deal with the consequences of their own actions.

    Stay safe. Press charges - and I know exactly how hard that decision is because I had to make it with my own son at one point, when his behaviour crossed the line into vandalism and a physical attack.

    1846 days ago
    Oh dear. May the people in your life bless you.
    1847 days ago
    I am so sorry you are going through all this stress
    1847 days ago
    Not sure who all these people are, but hope things get better for you. And, honestly, I wouldn't give them anything. Find someone else to give to who'll appreciate it and treat you respectfully.
    1847 days ago
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