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Forward Progress

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

First things first, I did finally get a call from the Weight Loss Center. NOTE: The nurse I was waiting on works for the OTHER doctor in the practice, so at least there's that...

I finally had my first appointment yesterday with my new PCP. Must say that I am extremely pleased. I was beyond nervous for this appointment. I have fretted for two months now over it, and then nearly cancelled twice just out of the stress. My husband finally said he would join me because he could even see how nervous I was. My nervousness was all over the place. On one hand, meeting new docs is always a stressful thing for me and for all overweight people. A lot of doctors use weight as an excuse to NOT treat patients as a whole person with actual health needs. Yes, I realize extra weight causing problems and could make things worse, but I do not believe it is the reason for anything that ever hurts...and some doctors don't see that. Some doctors still fat shame and make you feel like less than. I didn't need that. I didn't know if I could emotionally take that. Add that to the other stresses I always have about whether the scales will measure my weight, whether the blood pressure cuff will fit, etc. Then add to that the stress of me asking for help with this surgery and the fact that this has been a more than decade long process for me... Yeah, my nerves were a wreck! My blood pressure even measured at 154/101, which considering I had a more normal reading just a week or two ago, was probably mostly related to the heightened stress over the situation.

I didn't need to worry. My new doctor is wonderful. She listened. She didn't scoff or scold or treat me like a child. She heard my story and she said it sucked and she said she would help. And that's what I needed. So now there's a path and a plan and a person I can believe in to help me.

The next steps in the process:

- I have full fasting labs being done on 2/20. She was really worried about my BP. She even threatened to pull me off my birth control! YIKES!

- I have 12 months of doctor-supervised diet and weight loss ahead of me.

- I have to lose a total of 46 pounds in those 12 months and keep it off.

After that, I call the Weight Loss Center and set up an appointment, get my psych eval done, my testing for pre-op, my pre-cert put through for insurance, pay my giant premium copay and then set a date for surgery.

That's the rough plan. Now on to my plan (because you all know I'm an over achiever.)

I want to lose a total of 80 pounds in the next 12 months. I weighed in yesterday at 460.6 (just 6 pounds from my highest weight, which I reached before I asked for surgery the last time and was denied). It's taken me a lot to not see this surgery as a crutch and instead see it as a tool...and I want to use it the best way possible. The type of surgery I want to get generally yields weight loss results of 100-120 pounds. The rest you do on your own. It's not a magic bullet or cure. It's not going to end all your problems. It's going to help you get your body to a place where you can take over and go. Imagine how well I would have done the last go round if I had 100 pounds taken off at the start and then I could've followed it up with all the hard work I know how to do!?! That's what my goal is...and it's all basic math to me.

I weigh 460.6.
I would like to weigh about 190 pounds when all is said and done.
If I lose 80-100 pre-op that starts my surgery weight loss at 360-380.
The surgery, then, should help me get to 240-260.
Leaving just 50-70 pounds for me to work my arse off getting for myself through hard work and discipline and with a much lighter body to lug around.

I know what you're thinking - but 190 is still big! Not for me. One thing this process has taught me is that following BMI charts is BS. That chart wants me at 160, but I don't ever see that happening. Ever. If it does, great! But I would be just as happy at 190 because that feels more safe. That drops restrictions. That puts me in a place where my body size and weight doesn't keep me from doing whatever crazy thing I want to do. And that's all I really want out of life. I'm not a model. Never will be. Too shy to be anyhow. But I could do my photography work, travel the world, run a race or two a year and just be generally happy with life at that weight...I'm pretty darn sure about that.

So that's the plan. Which means, it's time for monthly goals again. I will be weighing in every month with my doctor. I'm hoping to not touch my scale at home this whole year. I don't need that. I need to be me and figure out how to be healthy doing that. If we're getting down to the wire and I NEED certain numbers for the surgery, then I'll worry...but I don't see that being an issue since I'm already overreaching their goal with my own.

Jan-Feb 2015 Goals
Current Weight: 460.6
Goal Weight: 450.6
Weight Loss Goal: -10 pounds

emoticon Food Goals:
- Make good choices.
- Log everything.
- Stay within calorie goals.
- Start finding schedule (eat every 2 hours).

emoticon Drink Water!

emoticon Walk when you can. Try for 3 times a week for 15 minutes a day to start.

emoticon Start working the handbike 4 times a week for 20 minutes each.

emoticon Say nice things to myself.

Here we go again! This is it. This is going to be the time when I make this work. I have an MD in my court. I'm going to hold on for dear life and come death or weight loss, I will make this a reality once and for all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good things are coming your way Esther! I am so proud of you.
    2290 days ago
    I'm so happy for you that you have a good doctor that will help you! You have great goals, and an awesome plan! You will nail this, because you are a hard worker and you don't give up. I'm proud of you girl, and I'm here to support you! emoticon
    2293 days ago
    I am so glad your doctor is wonderful and supportive. That makes all the difference in the world. Not the same, I know, but my husband was in bad shape financially for many, many years and had zero dental care during that time. Since he worked as a bouncer, he really needed dental care on several occasions for broken teeth, aside from regular care, cavities, etc. By the time we had dental insurance and could afford to start fixing what was quite literally broken, he had not been to a dentist in twenty years or so. Now this man brushed his teeth for ten minutes every morning, noon and night and carried mouthwash to dull the pain. That **&^ dentist sat him down and made him watch a video on HOW to brush his teeth. When my husband said he knew how to brush his teeth, the dentist said "Obviously not...or your teeth wouldn't be in this bad a shape." It took another year for me to convince him to go to another dentist. A good, empathetic practitioner can make all the difference in your health!
    2294 days ago
  • _SASX_
    My beautiful friend. I am so glad that you have found a supportive doctor who can see you and is ready to help you. I am also super glad that DH was amazing and went with you to the appointment.

    I love your goals for the month. You got this. Putting it out there into the universe will help as well. You're not a quitter and you are on your path.

    190 is a very good goal. Don't sell yourself short or care what other people will say when they think about numbers. You are not a number. You are E. You are strong and you can do it.

    BMI sucks and is unrealistic. it wants me to be around 145. At 145 I'd be a skeleton. Bah!

    We are here for you!
    2294 days ago
  • ERIN1128
    I'm so glad you found a great doc, finally!!! Great news. But I just have to throw a little caution your way...I know you're an overachiever, but I really really really don't want you to set yourself up to fail. I'm not saying you can't do it, I just want you to take care of yourself and not push too hard, 'kay? :-) WOOT!
    2294 days ago
    I am so glad that you finally have a plan in place and that your new PCP is everything you wanted and NEEDED her to be!!!! You've waited a long time for this and you deserve it to all go as smoothly as possible. :-)
    2294 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4764832
    AMAZING! I am so happy for you. I totally agree with you, everyone needs tools and help, asking for help is the bravest thing anyone can do, because it means you care about you, and you have too!

    Please keep sharing your happenings with us, it warms my heart to be part of it!

    2294 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    You sound so excited and hopeful in this post. HOLD ONTO THAT FEELING!!! I am soooo excited for you. It sounds like you really have a great path laid out in front of you right now and if I know you at all, I know you are going to grab that bull by the horns and make it your b***h! Eek, I'm just so excited that you are so excited. Keep us all updated!!
    emoticon So cheesy but I had to!
    2294 days ago
    I am so excited for you! Finding a good doctor is never easy and it seems you have found just the right one!

    Your plans seem very achieveable and with the help of your new doctor, I see victory in your future! emoticon
    2294 days ago
    So glad you got a doctor who cares, Esther. That really is HALF the battle fought right there. I hear you on anxiety at doc appointments - my BP is always high when it's taken there or at hospital, and yet it sits around 110/65 at home.

    I'm happy that you didn't give up, and found a way back to WANTING to do this, being ready to do it. I know that you can.

    BMI is a complete fallacy. It's designed for the average person, and who do you know that is average? Maybe three people in your entire life? Yeah, I call BS on that, too. :)

    190 seems like a great final goal to aim for. It's realistic and it allows for carrying loose skin around on your frame (we both know that it happens) after massive loss.

    So proud of you, my lovely. One day at a time and never give up. /hugs
    2294 days ago
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