First things first, I did finally get a call from the Weight Loss Center. NOTE: The nurse I was waiting on works for the OTHER doctor in the practice, so at least there's that...
I finally had my first appointment yesterday with my new PCP. Must say that I am extremely pleased. I was beyond nervous for this appointment. I have fretted for two months now over it, and then nearly cancelled twice just out of the stress. My husband finally said he would join me because he could even see how nervous I was. My nervousness was all over the place. On one hand, meeting new docs is always a stressful thing for me and for all overweight people. A lot of doctors use weight as an excuse to NOT treat patients as a whole person with actual health needs. Yes, I realize extra weight causing problems and could make things worse, but I do not believe it is the reason for anything that ever hurts...and some doctors don't see that. Some doctors still fat shame and make you feel like less than. I didn't need that. I didn't know if I could emotionally take that. Add that to the other stresses I always have about whether the scales will measure my weight, whether the blood pressure cuff will fit, etc. Then add to that the stress of me asking for help with this surgery and the fact that this has been a more than decade long process for me... Yeah, my nerves were a wreck! My blood pressure even measured at 154/101, which considering I had a more normal reading just a week or two ago, was probably mostly related to the heightened stress over the situation.
I didn't need to worry. My new doctor is wonderful. She listened. She didn't scoff or scold or treat me like a child. She heard my story and she said it sucked and she said she would help. And that's what I needed. So now there's a path and a plan and a person I can believe in to help me.
The next steps in the process:
- I have full fasting labs being done on 2/20. She was really worried about my BP. She even threatened to pull me off my birth control! YIKES!
- I have 12 months of doctor-supervised diet and weight loss ahead of me.
- I have to lose a total of 46 pounds in those 12 months and keep it off.
After that, I call the Weight Loss Center and set up an appointment, get my psych eval done, my testing for pre-op, my pre-cert put through for insurance, pay my giant premium copay and then set a date for surgery.
That's the rough plan. Now on to my plan (because you all know I'm an over achiever.)
I want to lose a total of 80 pounds in the next 12 months. I weighed in yesterday at 460.6 (just 6 pounds from my highest weight, which I reached before I asked for surgery the last time and was denied). It's taken me a lot to not see this surgery as a crutch and instead see it as a tool...and I want to use it the best way possible. The type of surgery I want to get generally yields weight loss results of 100-120 pounds. The rest you do on your own. It's not a magic bullet or cure. It's not going to end all your problems. It's going to help you get your body to a place where you can take over and go. Imagine how well I would have done the last go round if I had 100 pounds taken off at the start and then I could've followed it up with all the hard work I know how to do!?! That's what my goal is...and it's all basic math to me.
I weigh 460.6.
I would like to weigh about 190 pounds when all is said and done.
If I lose 80-100 pre-op that starts my surgery weight loss at 360-380.
The surgery, then, should help me get to 240-260.
Leaving just 50-70 pounds for me to work my arse off getting for myself through hard work and discipline and with a much lighter body to lug around.
I know what you're thinking - but 190 is still big! Not for me. One thing this process has taught me is that following BMI charts is BS. That chart wants me at 160, but I don't ever see that happening. Ever. If it does, great! But I would be just as happy at 190 because that feels more safe. That drops restrictions. That puts me in a place where my body size and weight doesn't keep me from doing whatever crazy thing I want to do. And that's all I really want out of life. I'm not a model. Never will be. Too shy to be anyhow. But I could do my photography work, travel the world, run a race or two a year and just be generally happy with life at that weight...I'm pretty darn sure about that.
So that's the plan. Which means, it's time for monthly goals again. I will be weighing in every month with my doctor. I'm hoping to not touch my scale at home this whole year. I don't need that. I need to be me and figure out how to be healthy doing that. If we're getting down to the wire and I NEED certain numbers for the surgery, then I'll worry...but I don't see that being an issue since I'm already overreaching their goal with my own.
Jan-Feb 2015 Goals
Current Weight: 460.6
Goal Weight: 450.6
Weight Loss Goal: -10 pounds
- Make good choices.
- Log everything.
- Stay within calorie goals.
- Start finding schedule (eat every 2 hours).
Walk when you can. Try for 3 times a week for 15 minutes a day to start.
Start working the handbike 4 times a week for 20 minutes each.
Say nice things to myself.
Here we go again! This is it. This is going to be the time when I make this work. I have an MD in my court. I'm going to hold on for dear life and come death or weight loss, I will make this a reality once and for all.