2015...WoW; Just WoW
Friday, January 02, 2015
Wow, I really don't know another way to put it.
I am just blown away with how fast the time has gone. The last thing I knew I was 40, but this year I will turn 45. I know they are just numbers, a way of recording and tracking our time; but I feel like I have lost so much time these past 3 plus years.
Eight years ago I promised myself I was going to get healthy and change my life. I quit smoking. I gained weight but it was for a better cause, finally never having another cigarette would be worth it, I could loose the weight latter. And I did...I was in the best shape of my life.
Then stress hit hard, my husband lost his job; my mother-in-law became ill and took all of our attention. She was given six months to live-she did fantastic and survived for a year before the cancer won. But when she knew she only had a limited time she decided that she should have all the Steak, bacon, shrimp and Ice Cream that she could handle. So she actually kept her weight up and I gained it right along with her! So I had to try and loose the weight again, but this time I could not get motivated, I was exhausted. Things seemed different, I wasn't myself. I was depressed and almost lethargic. The doctors just chalked it up to stress, nothing was wrong they said.
They were wrong. A year latter, still tired and fat I found the problem. I knew it was breast cancer. So that started a whole new set of crap! Surgeries, medicines and pain; the pounds just kept packing on. I worked with a nutritionist and tried to do everything right. I still kept gaining weight and feeling worse and worse about myself. I was a 40 something woman with the energy of a 70 year old in a body I no longer recognized or knew. I started to wonder if I had been better off ignoring the cancer and living my life until it took me, because I didn't have MY LIFE anymore. They put me on more meds for depression, they again just made me gain weight. I was done. Saying all this I remember and I know that I had the best support system ever and the most amazing Doctors. We all talked and I decided to stop ALL the meds; no more tamoxifen, no more depression meds, no more pain meds. I would just continue to focus on healthy eating, exercise and fresh air. It has taken time but the weight is coming off, my energy level is better then it has been in years and I am starting to remember who I am again. The cancer has stayed away, so... so far so good.
They have all been hard decisions but I would rather live my life feeling like I have some control then live it hoping that a pill works. I will never know if going off the meds is the best thing but I know I feel better and I am able to enjoy my life again. So that makes it worth it. I still have times were the left over nerve pain from my double mastectomy drives me a little crazy, but it is temporary and I use a lot of deep breathing to get me through those days. I try to stay away from all meds if I can. I am happy with my choices and I have learned so much about foods and nutrition. What gives me long term energy, eating anti-inflammatory foods and healthy fats. It take a lot of time to research and check out all of our foods but in the long run it is helping everyone in our lives. It wasn't an over night change, it has happened slowly one step at a time.
I continue to focus on health and wellness as this new year starts and I approach my 45th birthday. Hoping that these changes keep me going until I'm 95 while I feel 38! I know they are only numbers but when you loose a bunch of numbers you want them back!
I feel like I blinked and I lost, but I will do everything I can to get it back.