Pay no attention to my fake smile
Thursday, January 01, 2015
Absolutely miserable holidays. My husband suffers from anxiety and had a terrible time this month. Some periods are better than others, this was a particularly bad month.
On Christmas I was sick as a dog with a migraine, in fact I had to call the doctor to come to my house to give me a shot. It was awful. Plus I have a family history of aneurysms so everytime I get a migraine I’m afraid I’m going to die. After the holidays I'll go to my doctor and ask for a referral for an MRI or something. I don't know if aneurysms are a genetic condition, but the fact that both my aunt and my great-aunt had them might mean something.
Plus, we only have one car now between three adults since mine died a week before Christmas. It sucks! Between that, the headache from hell, and my husband’s mental state, all of our holiday plans were cancelled. Did I mention that he’s unemployed and my MIL lives on our couch? Yeah, those problems too.
I make an effort to keep a positive attitude, at least for my child’s sake, but this season I really haven’t been able to. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this. Regarding my husband’s condition, it started after the death of his father 18 months ago. He’s seeing an analyst, but sometimes I don’t feel like he’s getting better. I’m asking myself ‘Is this the new normal? Will it go on forever? Can I expect my marriage to always be like this?’
He thinks it will all get better as soon as he finds a job. I hope so.
I love him, but I have doubts that I’m willing to subject myself to this forever. I don’t know what to do.
Last night I went to bed at 10:00pm. I turned off my phone because I didn’t want to talk to anyone and have to wish anyone a Happy New Year. Bah humbug.