Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Looking for Plato, I went to Animal Control and walked by cage after cage of litters of beautiful kittens. Their little paws reached out to me and I felt sadder and sadder that I could nott keep them from desth, that others did not value them as sentient beings with spirits and a right to be happy. How can anyone throw away another?! Plato was not there. I despair that Plato will never be there, that he is off on a grand adventure or has adopted a new family where he will become the center of attention quickly. If only I hadn't rescued my son's old Persian, Plato would still be here. I rhink he moved on because he felt uncomfortable with this huge invader who felt just the same way. Too bad my firend Betty didn't feel it worth her while to help me hold each cat on our laps and let them introducce themselves. I need to reassess friendships. I'll never forget that last look he gave me as he stepped out on the back patio. That last look was good bye! Yesterdy after the kitties, I ate 10 creamhorns and left eve more miserable. I used food to punish myself for my negligence and to asuage my guilt. Fat chance!This must stop! Punishment is what lost me my career, family, and fiance. So yesterday, I attended my fisrt water aerobics class is nine months. I used the constant back pain of the blown disk and failed spinal fusion as excuses to stop caring for my lifef. Plus, what else could I lose as I'd lost the love of my life, my high school sweeheart and love at first sight, JIM S.? Well, I can lose my life if I don't stay awake every day. And why woulds he want a fat pig who is full of self pity?! I wouldn't! So today, I ate breakfast for the first time in a long time--- yogurt, toast, water. It's a start. Every day is q new beginning. The blame game must stop!