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Day 72 Sneak Eating

Monday, November 10, 2014

I used to be a huge sneak eater. Sometimes at work I would buy a big bag of M&M's and open my drawer and put one or two in my mouth and let them melt. Oh how wonderful it felt to relieve my stress with some nice smooth chocolate. But in reality what was I really doing? Why did I feel like I had to sneak? -- It was interesting to take a look at these dynamics now after months of not being at work.

I worked with someone that had an eating disorder since she was a child. She was bulimic and I didn't know until years after I worked with her. She was so judgmental about people for all sorts of reasons, not just overweight, that I started hiding my feelings and eating in secret to comfort myself. Isn't it weird that this is the same reason she became bulimic? After she told me about her problem with food, my problem got worse.

In today's lesson we deal with the dynamics of sneak eating. No, it doesn't have to get as bad as bulimia, but it can. There is a saying that you are only as sick as your secrets. I am happy to say that most of the time nowadays, I no longer sneak eat.

However, there are still times when I find myself planning a sneak eating event. I have written about this before in my blogs and don't want to go into it again, but right now in my life I feel in control of these sneak eating patterns. I know that my reason for sneak eating is my feeling of not wanting to feel judged for eating foods that aren't healthy for me. So in reality if someone is saying something to me about what I am eating, then they are the ones feeling that they want to have some sort of control over me. They can hide this by saying, I love you and want you to be healthy. (nice words, but I don't buy it). I know that I am the person that controls what I put into my mouth and I don't need anybody telling me anything about my food consumption.

Funny thing is that I recently discovered that I had to be able to say to myself, I want to eat something, for example, a piece of pie - and know in my head and heart that it was ok for me to have whatever I wanted to eat. Once I gave myself the permission to buy and eat anything that I wanted, the foods didn't seem to hold any power over me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    down with sneak eating
    1894 days ago
    1898 days ago
    That's right! giving ourselves permission does remove the attraction, the forbidden aspece, of the food, so it's not attractive the -- or at least less attractive!
    1898 days ago
    emoticon I used to Sneak eat in my car and throw the wrappers away before coming home. So happy we have changed those habits. emoticon
    1898 days ago
    emoticon blog - you're doing just great! I don't sneak eat nearly as I used to before I read this great book ;)
    1898 days ago
    Teeheehee! I couldn't help but giggle as I have a bag of blue diamond sea salt almonds tucked away in my drawer that I sneak eat during the course of the day. I sneak eat because I am ashamed to be the fat girl with the candy or food on her desk. Yep, shame and guilt. At home I own what I eat - but not at work! Letting go of that shame and guilt is a difficult process! I have yet to experience the empowerment because I keep hanging on to bits and pieces of sick habits! Here's to letting go!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1898 days ago
  • _BABE_
    1898 days ago
    I can sure enter into the action of sneak eating! Oh ya, that's me from time to time too! Eating a candy bar or something else fattening, on the way home from shopping. Eating when my DH and DS go out and do evening chores. Oh ya, my time to eat whatever. And I must say, as you would already know, that it's really tough to break old, in-grained bad habits! So little by little, I'm trying to transform myself into eating healthier foods when I'm by myself. I've done it and it actually works! More power to us! We can do it!! Thanks for the reassurance to know once again that I can do this!! emoticon
    1898 days ago
    emoticon I realize now it started to avoid the "no, you can't have that" and the "judgemental" situations... it evolved into overeating and self-soothing eating, and all 3 patterns became difficult to stop for me. I am still working on it. Funny coinkydink. For me too, fixing this started with giving myself permission to eat. Which is what I was doing when I chose to eat instead of censure. The rebellion I think, tied up with anger, regret, shame, remorse, guilt all associated with the judgements of others, when in reality it is not their business, nor is it their business what color tshirt I wear today. There is freedom in all of that. To have the courage & freedom to be ourselves... and to do that in helpful ways. Wouldn't it be nice to have a do-over?
    1898 days ago
    1898 days ago
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