Day 72 Sneak Eating
Monday, November 10, 2014
I used to be a huge sneak eater. Sometimes at work I would buy a big bag of M&M's and open my drawer and put one or two in my mouth and let them melt. Oh how wonderful it felt to relieve my stress with some nice smooth chocolate. But in reality what was I really doing? Why did I feel like I had to sneak? -- It was interesting to take a look at these dynamics now after months of not being at work.
I worked with someone that had an eating disorder since she was a child. She was bulimic and I didn't know until years after I worked with her. She was so judgmental about people for all sorts of reasons, not just overweight, that I started hiding my feelings and eating in secret to comfort myself. Isn't it weird that this is the same reason she became bulimic? After she told me about her problem with food, my problem got worse.
In today's lesson we deal with the dynamics of sneak eating. No, it doesn't have to get as bad as bulimia, but it can. There is a saying that you are only as sick as your secrets. I am happy to say that most of the time nowadays, I no longer sneak eat.
However, there are still times when I find myself planning a sneak eating event. I have written about this before in my blogs and don't want to go into it again, but right now in my life I feel in control of these sneak eating patterns. I know that my reason for sneak eating is my feeling of not wanting to feel judged for eating foods that aren't healthy for me. So in reality if someone is saying something to me about what I am eating, then they are the ones feeling that they want to have some sort of control over me. They can hide this by saying, I love you and want you to be healthy. (nice words, but I don't buy it). I know that I am the person that controls what I put into my mouth and I don't need anybody telling me anything about my food consumption.
Funny thing is that I recently discovered that I had to be able to say to myself, I want to eat something, for example, a piece of pie - and know in my head and heart that it was ok for me to have whatever I wanted to eat. Once I gave myself the permission to buy and eat anything that I wanted, the foods didn't seem to hold any power over me.